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AS Finally in Rehab...we'll see what happens next

Old 12-16-2009, 12:24 PM
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AS Finally in Rehab...we'll see what happens next

Hi all, been a while since I've posted. I still lurk and read, just been soooo crazy past 3 months. On top of AS falling off wagon once again, been dealing with my wife's recuperation from knee replacment, some setbacks in her recovery, as well as job stuff that hasn't been so good.

Well, we got AS in her first 28 day rehab facility (she did an OP rehab 10 years ago, got drunk the first day of release). I think we are on day 13 now, why am I not looking forward to her getting out?? We can't afford for her to go to a 90 day half way house, this would be beneficial to her recovery according to counselors, but we are limited on $$$.

This past episode put sis in hospital for the 3rd time this calandar year. My enabling Mom finally asked for me to take charge, which I more or less didn't do, detachment was key to this. After checking on her in ER to make sure she was stable and calling ICU next day to check on her stability, all of us stayed away. I called social worker at hospital and said when she gets discharged, she can't go to Mom's house or my house, she is on her own. Upon discharge, she went to a temporary shelter. I brought her a bag of clothes, $2.00 in quarters for phone, and told her the next step was up to her, but coming home wasn't an option. I told her to think about it, call when she figured out something. She spoke with an addiction counselor while there and the counselor called, asking if we had means to put sis in rehab, which we barely did.

To make a long story short, we visited her last Saturday for visitor hours. First time ever she said she was an alcoholic and that she needed help. Part of me believed her, part of me doesn't trust a word out of her mouth, I know she may be playing us again, just so she can get out and go back to her secret drinking. I think the fact that she may have to live in streets (she still doesn't work and has nothing) may have been part of the cry for help. Then again, she almost died again, so maybe she did have a wake up call???

Mom claims that this is the last time, that she will kick her out if sis drinks again, but when sis was in shelter, I found out that some of those calls were going out to Mom, begging to come home and Mom almost caved in (images of her "little" girl calling for help, she is 43 years old for cripes sake). I'm stuck in between rock and hard place, especially when I almost had to take my Mom to ER after sis went into hospital. Though Mom is in Al-Anon, she doesn't get hard love, detachment, or the enabling aspect. She says she understands, but that she is a Mom first. I reason with her and she gets it, but she can't commit to tough love.

All I can do at this point is take it a day at a time. I live the 3 C's daily and pray to God for guidance and strength. At this point, I'm more worried about my Mom than AS.

Thanks for listening, this helps. I'm really doing fine though all this, just flying by the seat of my pants as usual. God is with me, I feel the love, I feel the strength and guidance.
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Old 12-16-2009, 12:34 PM
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One day in AlAnon it just clicked for me that alcoholism/addiction isn;t like any other disease. It is possible to love my brothers to death!

I had to find other non-codie ways of loving them. Every time I picked up a tab or paid their car insurance or whatever ridiculous thing they (never stop asking for God's sakes!) I was scoring a basket for alcohol...because they always had money to get smashed!

You sound like you are doing well dreamstones. Your mom is just gonna do what she is gonna do but you are doing well not to enable her enabling either. My mom also is actively enabling my youngest Abro right now - when she puts me in a position to help her out with that enabling I politely bow out. Ugh. It is very very very hard and it doesn't not affect me but it is much better than in days of yore!

I hope you are able to find some peace no matter what happens! I can never let my guard down with my bros - even my middle bro who appears to be progressing in his recovery....I guess it just takes years to undo years of damage.

peace-
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Old 12-16-2009, 01:08 PM
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Thanks Bernadette, your words make so much sense and means even more. It also helps reinforce the fact that I'm doing the right thing. As a friend of mine always says about his dysfunctional family, "You can't pick your family".

I think Mom is finally starting to get it, but we'll see. One question I kept asking her, after sister was in temporary shelter, are you ready to let her live on streets now? Of course, she couldn't picture that, so I knew she wasn't commited to tough love, more or less her version of tough love with exceptions???

I will heed your comment about bowing out, detachment has to come into play and I'm trying my damndest. I guess it comes down to I may have to one day sever ties with my Mom if she doesnt' change too. My trust in my sister is shot, I've been dealing with this for 10 years now. It will take a long time before I can believe in her again and I know treatment isn't always the cure all. I pray she does, but we'll see...
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