Living with the alcoholic

Old 12-16-2009, 10:38 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
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Location: portland OR
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Smile Living with the alcoholic

I am new here to this site. I have 2 years sobriety yet, my Fiance' is still abusing alcohol. Daily drinker and sometimes falls asleep in the garage. I have come to accept that and not take it personal. My hard times is on the average every 2 weeks he will binge for a couple of days. I started a new hobby and also found this website. Very thankful, I am. My trouble is when he decides to try and drive drunk or go to the bar (I know he is out of his mind and looking for a fight at the bar with someone). I know during these times I am suppose to let him be, to hit his bottom. He is an extremely loving, loyal, honest man to myself and my kids. But, his binges and one stupid decision on his part could put us all out on the street if he were to get a DUII. My kids and I have nowhere else to go and I could not afford the costs of living without his help. So, at times I do butt in on his bad choices. Sometimes I just have to let him go and pray for him and hope for the best. He started to attend one AA meeting with me per week. He has been doing this for a couple of months. He admits he is an alcoholic and he is hoping to hear something that will just click. Hardest thing yet is all his family and friends are alcoholics as well. I study my Bible, attend my meetings( Bible and AA), keep active in my hobby/kids, pray for him, and try to ignore the "What Ifs..".
I hope my story will help someone in a similiar situation. It is not an easy life to live but, I feel my man is worth holding on to and GOD has not abandoned him so, nor will I. Besides, back when I was drinking hard and heavy, my Fiance' stuck it out with me.
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Old 12-16-2009, 10:59 AM
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peaceful seabird
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Welcome to the Sober Recovery Family!

I too am a recovering Alcoholic. There are several of us here that have overcome our own addiction and then started taking better care of ourselves in our personal relationships too. I attend Alanon meetings, am active here at SR and use self-help books for my personal recovery.

You will find lots of information and support here.

You might consider attending some Alanon meetings to learn ways to detach (with love) from your active alcoholic.

I finally had to leave my active alcoholic husband because of the same fear you expressed "the Yet". Mine had not gotten a DUI YET. But our lives were unmanageable and our debts were out of control. I could not afford mentally, spiritually, legally or financially to stay in the relationship while he continue to spiral downward.

I also wanted my children to believe in me. I wanted to be a better role model for them. I did not want them repeating the pattern of accepting unacceptable behavior in their committed relationships. I did not want them to accept lies, manipulations and denial in their relationships, so I had to stop accepting it in mine.

Now I am working on becoming a better me. I like myself and my life. It has not been easy, but it is fulfilling.

Peace and hugs to you as you travel your recovery journey!
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Old 12-16-2009, 11:14 AM
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 62
I'm courious to know if his drinking around you makes you want to drink or has any affect on your personal recovery.

The reason I asked is because I recently read an article debating this very thing about the family/spouse/friends of the A and whether or not they should abstain when around their A. I am not talking about other alchohlics here like you describe. I am talking about going out to dinner with friends and the non-alchoholic spouse and friends want to enjoy a glass of wine which they can do responsibly.

This article was debating whether they should give up their personal desire and enjoyment of a drink while around the A or whether it is the A's responsibility to deal with the fact that he/she cannot drink while others can.

I have no idea what the right or wrong answer is but I would love to know your thoughts on that.
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Old 12-16-2009, 11:31 AM
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Location: portland OR
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It does not bother me to be around my alcoholic Fiance' while he is drinking or to go out with friends if they drink. I only have difficulty if I were to got to a bar. So, I avoid bars. I have maintained my sobriety for two tears living like this. Busy with AA and my Bible studies is enough for me. I feel more sadness for my mate than I do temptation. No alcohol is in the house, he drinks in the garage. But, I still visit him there when he is drinking.
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Old 12-16-2009, 11:38 AM
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Join Date: Nov 2009
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Thanks for the reply. And congratulations to you on how well you are doing in your own recovery. I wish you the best on your continued journey.
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Old 12-16-2009, 12:21 PM
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Hi jager -- welcome!

Congrats on your 2 years. Glad you found SR. Collectively on here I think we've seen everything so you're not alone! Keep posting!

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Old 12-16-2009, 01:16 PM
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Hi jager.

If you know he is driving drunk can you call the police anonymously?

Just a question from a concerned citizen. A DUI would be bad for you but he could have an accident and cause much harm to himself and others. An XABF used to "boast" about how he managed to drink entire bottles and still drive to his home. Many times he did not even remember how he ended up in his bed. He had to use a highway and while we were together I even drove him home once. May be considered codie but I would have felt bad with myself for knowing he was driving SUPERDRUNK at 7 AM and not doing anything (where I live police do nothing but I know in US its taken seriously).

Congratulations on your recovery. Welcome to SR!
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