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No matter what...he doesn't get it!

Old 12-05-2009, 11:04 AM
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No matter what...he doesn't get it!

I am beyond frustrated. My AH whom I told to leave the other day just doesnt get it. Last night he asked me to go with him to this dinner and I told him I'd let him know. Well, I decided it would be a good idea, so we could talk. So I talked to him earlier and he said that he would be by later..I assumed to get some things, but instead he brought his things back and was doing his normal watching TV in our room, so I said we need to talk, and as soon as I did he started to get mad. He thought that since I was going to go with him tonight that I was "over it" just lke in the past...no I'm sorry, no let's go to counseling - nothing like that. But I COULDN'T DO THAT....I CAN NOT GO BACK TO THAT LIFE. I told him today that the ONLY way we would live together again was that if we went to counseling, because nothing has changed. I'm irritated with myself for letting myself believe that he was rational enough to talk and have feelings about what had happened...like any normal person would. BUT NO....he blames me for ALL of it, and is mad that I disrupted his life by kicking him out, he said you never pulled this **** when we lived in his house.....and he is right I didn't....only because it was his house and I have kids and had no where to go, but I wanted too end it then. I am proud of myself though - I NEVER yelled, I just kept saying we need to talk, we need to have a real conversation, and stated that if we did not go to a counselor we would not live together again....to that he said I'll tell you what you can do....go to hell. Well, I'm not hurt, and not really surprised....but I am NOT BENDING no this, I am not going to take his abuse anymore......my house will be a peaceful loving home again, with me and my children, and he can be the same bitter, angry, hateful person somewhere else...and I almost don't even care where. Though, I wouldn't want to be in his shoes without a place to "live" - except that my parents would always let me stay - his know better, and he can't go there...so he is on a friend's couch and he hates it - but trust me I hate being treated so badly JUST AS BAD...so that is where he can stay!
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Old 12-05-2009, 11:41 AM
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Good for you! Don't let him bully you.
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Old 12-05-2009, 12:40 PM
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Originally Posted by mentallyexh View Post
so he is on a friend's couch and he hates it - but trust me I hate being treated so badly JUST AS BAD...so that is where he can stay!
If you're fighting the guilt he's throwing on you about this, remind yourself that this is his consequence - not yours. You are not responsible for dealing with his consequences.

FWIW he doesn't sound interested in recovery - just interested in when things can go back to "normal".

Hang in there - struggling through the insanity of the alcoholic in the longest, heaviest step to make. Keep reminding yourself that whether he realizes it or not his consequences are STILL his consequences.
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Old 12-05-2009, 01:27 PM
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had to laugh a bit. dinner does not mean him and his stuff move back in and everything is fine! he knows that. he's bullying you.

can't reason with these guys.
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Old 12-06-2009, 03:54 AM
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"struggling through the insanity of the alcoholic is the longest, heaviest step to make"

Ditto. And well said,dothi.
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