Ugh, I just want to be normal.

Reply Subscribe

Thread Tools

11-23-2009, 09:11 AM

# 1 (permalink)

bebemay

Member

Thread Starter

Join Date: Sep 2009

Location: Indiana

Posts: 32

Ugh, I just want to be normal.

I'm always seeing so much on here about "working on ourselves", and after starting the twelve steps, I realize just how much work it really is. This might sound really selfish/lazy, but sometimes I just feel so angry that I need to do "work on myself". All of the other people in my life (excuse my alcoholic father and ex) are able to function normally. Why should I need to "work on myself" to be normal person? Then when I think this, it immediately causes me to have a flashback of my boyfriend saying the same thing, and I feel like I am being "sick" just for saying this. Not too long ago my ex told me I was "very badly sick with the disease" when I was crying one day and that he was sorry he had made me that way. Its pretty depressing to think that I am somehow defective and need fixing because I happened to enter a relationship with someone who ended up being an alcoholic. I wish I could just move on, and not have to in effect give myself "treatment" because I feel like I cant have normal relationships now, or that I could just get some fast cure, not go through weeks/months/years of this stuff. Its so frustrating, especially when there are one million other things I need to do. If anyones ever seen the movie "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind", I often wish that I could have that done to me, ha. It ends in disaster in the movie anyways though. Just a frustrated rant.

11-23-2009, 09:34 AM

# 2 (permalink)

atalose

Member

Join Date: Jun 2006

Posts: 5,103

Recovery is being asked to give up all we've ever known to get something better that we can't yet understand………

Don't give up on yourself, you are worth learning a new way to approach life and get the happiness you deserve.

11-23-2009, 10:11 AM

# 3 (permalink)

whereisthisgoin

Member

Join Date: Oct 2009

Posts: 277

I've thought the same thing. He's the sick one - why am I the one in counseling?

I know why - but still it sucks sometimes.

11-23-2009, 10:19 AM

# 4 (permalink)

LaTeeDa

Member

Join Date: Jan 2006

Location: behind the viewfinder...

Posts: 6,278

I no longer want to be normal. I just want to be happy. The way I was living my life was not making me happy, and that had more to do with me than my AH. I don't look at working on myself as something I had to do because of him. It was, and is, something I WANT to do for me.