bebemay

I'm always seeing so much on here about "working on ourselves", and after starting the twelve steps, I realize just how much work it really is. This might sound really selfish/lazy, but sometimes I just feel so angry that I need to do "work on myself". All of the other people in my life (excuse my alcoholic father and ex) are able to function normally. Why should I need to "work on myself" to be normal person? Then when I think this, it immediately causes me to have a flashback of my boyfriend saying the same thing, and I feel like I am being "sick" just for saying this. Not too long ago my ex told me I was "very badly sick with the disease" when I was crying one day and that he was sorry he had made me that way. Its pretty depressing to think that I am somehow defective and need fixing because I happened to enter a relationship with someone who ended up being an alcoholic. I wish I could just move on, and not have to in effect give myself "treatment" because I feel like I cant have normal relationships now, or that I could just get some fast cure, not go through weeks/months/years of this stuff. Its so frustrating, especially when there are one million other things I need to do. If anyones ever seen the movie "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind", I often wish that I could have that done to me, ha. It ends in disaster in the movie anyways though. Just a frustrated rant.