Just an Update....Advice please
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: dysfunction junction,nc
Posts: 381
Just an Update....Advice please
Hello Ladies!
As most of you know, my husband and I have been seperated for a month and a half now. I am doing pretty good taking care of the kids and things around the house. Life seems to be pretty good for the moment. My husband stopped drinking a week after I kicked him out on his BUTT! For that I'm truly thankful. I have focused on me and the kids. I don't get to come here as often as I'd like to mainly because the last time I did my 2 and 3 year old girls were playing hide and go seek in the house while I was browsing and the three year old (Makayla) ended up hiding in the laundry room and decided it would be neat to decorate the floor with a WHOLE BOX of GAIN! It took me 4 rounds of mopping to get it off the floor. I just can't let them out of my sight from the time they get up until they go to sleep. Anyhow, my husband has been coming by to take care of the yard work and has hauled off stuff to the Salvation Army for me. I'm really starting to miss him to put it plainly. I can't help but think that this is just a game that he is playing with me and trying to get me to change my mind only to have him come home and start his crap again. I spoke with him in great lengths a few minutes ago and we decided that he was going to be with us during the Hurricane. He says he doesn't feel comfortable with us going through it "Alone". So I somewhat agree because we are llikely to be without power for a few days and the children are going to be a wreck. The two younger kids have never been through this before so I am a little nervous as to how they will respond to flying trees and objects outside
. With him there to help maybe they will be more calm. Who knows? I guess I'm trying to figure out whether I am ready for this or not. It does get very lonely at times being the only adult and believe me I'm worn out. Being responsible for 4 kids everyday, all day is tiring. Is it that I'm missing him or is it that I just need some help (temporary)? I guess I'm fixing to find out. Pray for me because I feel very "weak" at the moment and all I want is to make the best decisions for me and the kids.
Thanks for letting me vent and I hope all is well with each and every one of you.
Love,
Holly
As most of you know, my husband and I have been seperated for a month and a half now. I am doing pretty good taking care of the kids and things around the house. Life seems to be pretty good for the moment. My husband stopped drinking a week after I kicked him out on his BUTT! For that I'm truly thankful. I have focused on me and the kids. I don't get to come here as often as I'd like to mainly because the last time I did my 2 and 3 year old girls were playing hide and go seek in the house while I was browsing and the three year old (Makayla) ended up hiding in the laundry room and decided it would be neat to decorate the floor with a WHOLE BOX of GAIN! It took me 4 rounds of mopping to get it off the floor. I just can't let them out of my sight from the time they get up until they go to sleep. Anyhow, my husband has been coming by to take care of the yard work and has hauled off stuff to the Salvation Army for me. I'm really starting to miss him to put it plainly. I can't help but think that this is just a game that he is playing with me and trying to get me to change my mind only to have him come home and start his crap again. I spoke with him in great lengths a few minutes ago and we decided that he was going to be with us during the Hurricane. He says he doesn't feel comfortable with us going through it "Alone". So I somewhat agree because we are llikely to be without power for a few days and the children are going to be a wreck. The two younger kids have never been through this before so I am a little nervous as to how they will respond to flying trees and objects outside
. With him there to help maybe they will be more calm. Who knows? I guess I'm trying to figure out whether I am ready for this or not. It does get very lonely at times being the only adult and believe me I'm worn out. Being responsible for 4 kids everyday, all day is tiring. Is it that I'm missing him or is it that I just need some help (temporary)? I guess I'm fixing to find out. Pray for me because I feel very "weak" at the moment and all I want is to make the best decisions for me and the kids. Thanks for letting me vent and I hope all is well with each and every one of you.
Love,
Holly
Queen of one liners
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: walking beside you! Not in front of you.
Posts: 658
(((((((2Many & family))))))))
I am sending prayers and love for everyone who has to deal with Issabelle...but will send up a little special one for you...I have never been in one so have no experience with it...however I can relate somewhat with where you are in your situation , of need some R&R and also wanting another adult around even without the storm...You are one fine lady to be dealing with all this so well...At this point (if I were there) I 'd probably be eating everything in sight, running in circles and saying to myself (when I remembered it) "First things First!"
It seems to me, If you want to help your childern, you need to take care of your needs first...sooo having said that if you'd feel better with him there, go for it...The storm won't last forever and you can make it clear that when it's over, he's to leave...Try not to worry about WHY he's doing the things he is doing...They are his kids too so why shouldn't he help...Just my opinion for what it's worth..
BE SAFE!
Take care and God Bless.
I am sending prayers and love for everyone who has to deal with Issabelle...but will send up a little special one for you...I have never been in one so have no experience with it...however I can relate somewhat with where you are in your situation , of need some R&R and also wanting another adult around even without the storm...You are one fine lady to be dealing with all this so well...At this point (if I were there) I 'd probably be eating everything in sight, running in circles and saying to myself (when I remembered it) "First things First!"
It seems to me, If you want to help your childern, you need to take care of your needs first...sooo having said that if you'd feel better with him there, go for it...The storm won't last forever and you can make it clear that when it's over, he's to leave...Try not to worry about WHY he's doing the things he is doing...They are his kids too so why shouldn't he help...Just my opinion for what it's worth..
BE SAFE!
Take care and God Bless.
Learning to love life...
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 529
Hey 2Many,
I agree, there are good reasons why he would be needed / wanted at your house during this force of mother nature. And because he is sober, your boundaries are not being crossed.
However, I have to emphasize how easy it will be to fall back into the "way things were". He is holding on to the hope that you'll take him back, and perhaps he is thinking that he's got you now... the Alcoholic brain will forever be trying to control - the way it controls him.
Also, YOU are probably vulnerable right now. Your heart is willing to accept the "picture" of perfection... but that is all it might be for the time being. Sometimes we choose the things that feel good for the moment and look great on the surface. But the truth is, that it has only been a month. HIS and YOUR recoveries may take many more months, before they are ready to take on the relationship again.
You're in my thoughts
Meg
I agree, there are good reasons why he would be needed / wanted at your house during this force of mother nature. And because he is sober, your boundaries are not being crossed.
However, I have to emphasize how easy it will be to fall back into the "way things were". He is holding on to the hope that you'll take him back, and perhaps he is thinking that he's got you now... the Alcoholic brain will forever be trying to control - the way it controls him.
Also, YOU are probably vulnerable right now. Your heart is willing to accept the "picture" of perfection... but that is all it might be for the time being. Sometimes we choose the things that feel good for the moment and look great on the surface. But the truth is, that it has only been a month. HIS and YOUR recoveries may take many more months, before they are ready to take on the relationship again.
You're in my thoughts
Meg
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: dysfunction junction,nc
Posts: 381
Thanks you for your imput. I agree totally agree with both of you. I need his help right now and as long as he's not stepping out of bounds I should be okay. He will leave when the storm is over. I just can't do it right now. It would make things easier if he were drinking. I just have to keep putting my foot down.
Love,
Holly
Love,
Holly
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
How about some middle ground?
A "trial reunion" as it were. Two nights a week, or one night a week and a weekend day that you spend together as a family. See what it would be like to have him back on a trial basis. Try that out for a while and see how it works before you commit to taking him back full time.
Peace,
Gabe
Peace,
Gabe
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