What have I Done????
innerpeace~where did you go?
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Georgia
Posts: 25
I do have an appointment Monday.
Also - I bought the book recommended by Bookwyrm..."Codependent no more" during lunch.
I AM listening and trying to take steps into action. There is just a lot of information on here and I want to go over it all when I get home tonight. Please don't think I haven't heard or am not greatful for each and every post! I truely am! Ya'll have lived it and lived thru it.....I need to trust what ya'll are saying and apply it.
Also - I bought the book recommended by Bookwyrm..."Codependent no more" during lunch.
I AM listening and trying to take steps into action. There is just a lot of information on here and I want to go over it all when I get home tonight. Please don't think I haven't heard or am not greatful for each and every post! I truely am! Ya'll have lived it and lived thru it.....I need to trust what ya'll are saying and apply it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Sunny South
Posts: 1,666
Take a breath...
You don't HAVE to do anything you don't want to..and that includes doing nothing.
Maybe check out some of the books that have been suggested.
Wouldn't hurt to attend an Al-Anon meeting.
Breath...
You don't HAVE to do anything you don't want to..and that includes doing nothing.
Maybe check out some of the books that have been suggested.
Wouldn't hurt to attend an Al-Anon meeting.
Breath...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,294
Originally Posted by TakingCharge999 
Confusion is mostly the result of magical thinking. Reality is not very confusing at all.
for that one, LaTeeDa. It is so true, reality is not confusing AT ALL.CLMI
innerpeace~where did you go?
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Georgia
Posts: 25
I live in a small town and there are no meeting here. The closest city that has them only meets on Fridays and Mondays. I am going to go Friday. It is at a church of a different denomination and I am a little scared about that, but it is the only one close. I AM going to go though.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Hi again InnerPeace.
I just read through the replies to you from this afternoon and I thought, WOW we are really inundating you with a lot of information. No doubt your head is spinning. Sorry about that.
We dont mean to confuse you more or scare you. I think we are just scared for you and want to run over to you and take you away from that guy.
I just read through the replies to you from this afternoon and I thought, WOW we are really inundating you with a lot of information. No doubt your head is spinning. Sorry about that.
We dont mean to confuse you more or scare you. I think we are just scared for you and want to run over to you and take you away from that guy.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,294
Al-Anon doesn't subscribe to any particulars of your personal Higher Power, nor are members allowed to suggest or pressure you to believe anything in particular. The church is just real estate for the meeting to use.
Al-Anon is a great place for you to learn tools to sort out your confusion. Just keep an open mind, and allow yourself to adapt over time to their unique culture. It can feel very strange at first, until you get used to how it works.
Look for people in meetings who have what you want, who have been where you are and made a great, healthy life for themself, and then focus on connecting with them, before or after the meeting.
CLMI
Al-Anon is a great place for you to learn tools to sort out your confusion. Just keep an open mind, and allow yourself to adapt over time to their unique culture. It can feel very strange at first, until you get used to how it works.
Look for people in meetings who have what you want, who have been where you are and made a great, healthy life for themself, and then focus on connecting with them, before or after the meeting.
CLMI
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Sunny South
Posts: 1,666
Oh dear...don't worry about it being at a church that is a different denomination. The church just provides the meeting place, nothing else. Al-Anon people will be who you are meeting with, and discussions will not be about denominations.
Is there something you can do special for yourself right now? A bubble bath, manicure, anything at all?
You deserve something special for yourself right now.
Is there something you can do special for yourself right now? A bubble bath, manicure, anything at all?
You deserve something special for yourself right now.
innerpeace~where did you go?
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Georgia
Posts: 25
This is going to sounds really sad.....but i have no idea what "I" want. Honestly...I am not feeling sorry for myself...I truely don't know what would make ME happy. I havent focused on ME for 23 years! I would say a haircut maybe, but my kids hate the way I get it cut (they say Im stuck in the 80's) but I really cant think of anything else.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Sunny South
Posts: 1,666
You feel selfish because you have focused on everyone but you. You have spent time trying to take care of, fix and please everyone else.
A haircut...well, now., get one!!! If your kids don't like the style, well, then, they will live thru it. What matters is that you like it, and if it does, makes you happy, then GO FOR IT!
A haircut...well, now., get one!!! If your kids don't like the style, well, then, they will live thru it. What matters is that you like it, and if it does, makes you happy, then GO FOR IT!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,294
:ghug3
One of the things I learned in Al-Anon is that there is a difference between loving yourself and taking care of yourself, and being selfish.
It's all about being the best self you can be - healthy, productive, compassionate. And it starts with self.
Self love, and self care, first. Before we can love and care for others.
CLMI
One of the things I learned in Al-Anon is that there is a difference between loving yourself and taking care of yourself, and being selfish.
It's all about being the best self you can be - healthy, productive, compassionate. And it starts with self.
Self love, and self care, first. Before we can love and care for others.
CLMI
Awakening
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Beautiful Texas hillcountry
Posts: 1,272
Originally Posted by bookwyrm
Please, read a copy of Co Dependent No More by Melody Beattie. try going to Al Anon. Learn more about alcoholism. You deserve so much better than this.
It can be sooo obvious to everyone else. By then you can bet I'd read it.
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 646
Yes! Buying that book counts. Around here you we see references to slogans such as, "One day at a time", "easy does it", and "baby steps".
Day by day, bit by bit this will get better for you. Just reading here is something you are doing for you. What else can you think of that would be fun for you and would lift your spirits?
Day by day, bit by bit this will get better for you. Just reading here is something you are doing for you. What else can you think of that would be fun for you and would lift your spirits?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
That most certainly does count! 
Doing something for yourself can be as simple as remembering to eat a healthy meal. We all get overwhelmed in crisis and forget even the basic needs.
Sometimes taking 5 minutes to sit in silence (I used to like sitting in the ladies room in a stall, it was the only place no one came looking for me). Just listen to your own heartbeat and purposefully shut out all thought. Just empty your mind and fight to keep it that way for 5 minutes. It does help to maintain calm.
This is such a tough time when you first start reaching out and learning about this disease. I was so tired and run down from it all when I started. My life was consumed with it at first. This will pass. You will start to sort through your feelings and start finding more answers to eat through your confusion. Be patient, the answers are coming.
There's a thread on here about taking things one day at a time. That will be a good one to read when you're ready.
I think the weekend will feel a lot better after you've been to a meeting and had some time to think.
Take care,
Alice
Doing something for yourself can be as simple as remembering to eat a healthy meal. We all get overwhelmed in crisis and forget even the basic needs.
Sometimes taking 5 minutes to sit in silence (I used to like sitting in the ladies room in a stall, it was the only place no one came looking for me). Just listen to your own heartbeat and purposefully shut out all thought. Just empty your mind and fight to keep it that way for 5 minutes. It does help to maintain calm.
This is such a tough time when you first start reaching out and learning about this disease. I was so tired and run down from it all when I started. My life was consumed with it at first. This will pass. You will start to sort through your feelings and start finding more answers to eat through your confusion. Be patient, the answers are coming.
There's a thread on here about taking things one day at a time. That will be a good one to read when you're ready.
I think the weekend will feel a lot better after you've been to a meeting and had some time to think.
Take care,
Alice
innerpeace~where did you go?
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Georgia
Posts: 25
Can I have permission from ya'll to print out your posts and stick them around my house and work? Some of this is really deep and I need to think on it....and some of this is so simple I have overlooked it. I am a visual person and having them on my mirrors or refrig, or even the bottom of my computer screen would be great reminders.
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