BuffaloGal

I've smiled over a lot of posts to this question, and thought about it a lot. To me quacking is any verbal uncommunication that takes place after the truth has become totally obvious and unavoidable, but before the speaker has decided to face it.

kv816

I never really understood it until recently but I grew up hearing things like:

"Don't tell me you ARE going back to school, show me that you DID"
"Don't tell me you ARE pursing a career, tell me you got a job that could be a career".

Funny.....My (step) dad is an RA. My mom still swears that we NEVER saw him drinking or using (which is why she didn't feel the need for us to attend alateen). But now that I'm with an A and seeing his actions and learning what I can through here, alanon and books I realize I SOOOO saw him drinking and using growing up. But mom putting up her fence to dad's quacking, kept us kids from quacking too.

benham

For me, the word "quacking" helps remind me that her words have no power over me. I imagine an alpha male duck who has his choice of female ducks and the biggest place at the pond. I walk by and cross his path, and he starts shouting at me angrily. The thing is, I only hear him quacking. The less I respond, the angrier he gets. So he starts quacking more. Eventually I get tired of the display and walk away while the duck is steaming mad. I am not affected at all by what the duck said.

Electa

Hello Ago:

I appreciate your thoughtful post of September 4th. You introduced me to a phenomenon I hadn't been aware of; that being the power struggle of co-dependency. Before I stumbled on to this forum, and began to educate myself, I sensed that I was IN a power struggle with my daughter, but didn't realize this is a recognized part of the co-dependent relationship.

I really related to your statement about "blaming" someone else (in my case, my daughter) for my own feelings, when I MYSELF can choose whether or not to engage, or re-engage in the struggle. Putting down one's arms can bring piece of mind.

I'm not perfect at this, yet. My daughter calls intermittently, unpredictably, and, I suspect, on impulse. She is still a child, emotionally, and wants her mother's attention. It is very difficult for me to avoid saying sarcastic things to her. But, sarcasm is just fuel that keeps the power struggle going.

So, along with the three "Cs", I'll remind myself that whether intentionally or not, I am being baited to continue fighting, and I need to ignore the bait.

Electa