ellima01

Sometimes I just get sick of all the drama, the altered reality. What ever happened to the dream of a "normal" life- whatever that is. It's like always waiting for what will happen next- cause I know it's coming. Can't even enjoy the good days because all the focus is on what will happen next. I live in this constant state of worry, concern, for AH- for myself and my kids. Today, he is "only on beer" which makes his anger better, attitude better I guess. But I know it will not last. He knows he is an addict, knows all the things to do to get back into recovery. But the fact is- he wants to drink- he makes that clear. He wants to be "normal" and still be a drunk. I feel sorry for him sometimes. His mind is so jacked up. Every night that I go to work- I woory about what is happening at home- without me there. I try really hard not to focus on that - I really do- but I just cannot stop. I'm tired of praying for better, nothing has worked- and I guess it won't. He is in charge of his own destiny- God help us all.....

laurie6781

(((((Ellima)))))

And you stay because??????????

Love and hugs,

ItsmeAlice

I'm sooo sorry. I know that feeling. The down-to-the-bone weariness of it all. It's been a month now that I left my relationship, and I still feel a bit shell shocked from it all. Years of my mind and stomach churning over what to do, how to fix it, why he wouldn't stop..on and on.

When you are sick and tired of being sick and tired you will see the path that you are meant to be on.

Have you ever been cruising the aisle of a grocery store looking for an item you know should be on those shelves but just can't see it. Then you stop moving and just stand there a second and lo and behold there it is right in front of you. You were never going see it cruising through to the next thing....the next drama.

When you stop the worrying, the pondering, the what ifs, the constant pace your mind is going at, you will be better able to see your relationship for what it is. You may just surprise yourself as to what you've been tolerating all this time.

Much love,
Alice

Learn2Live

Ellima,

I am so with you!!!

Sick, sick, sick of it!!! So sick of it sometimes I want to scream.

onlyliveonce

His disease makes us sick too. We are as sick if not sicker trying to run behind them and worry about everything. That takes a huge toll on you not to mention what the kids are possibly going through at home. For me it came a time when I had to make some hard decisions for all of us and I've never looked back. My divorce will be final in November and I wish him well. Son and I are much better off these days in every way. I'll keep you in my prayers for guidance to make these hard decisions.

CatsPajamas

Have you heard of the 3 A's? Awareness, acceptance, action. The more I learn about them, the more I understand some things.

I spent a lot of time putting out fires in my life, my house, my kids' lives. In my A home, there was always some crisis that needed my immediate attention. I was exhausted and frustrated most of the time. I couldn't relax because I knew something else was going to happen. When I was in the middle of it, I didn't have time to think about it or analyze it. Honestly, when I DID look at it, it was so big and hairy and scary that I just pretended everything was fine. I know today that I was in denial, and in survival mode, and I was doing the best I could do at the time.

I found Al Anon, and I went to meetings. Some weeks it was the ONLY hour in a week that I did anything for myself. The 3 A's were new to me, but they made sense. Once I was consciously aware of something, I could begin to look at it and how it affected my life. Acceptance was harder. I had to accept that it was what it was. I didn't have to like it, but I had to accept it. Only then, after I was truly aware of a situation and had accepted it, only then could I take an action that would be healthy and positive. If I made the mistake of going from awareness right to action? I usually regretted the action, big time.

It's good food for thought. You don't have to take an action before you are ready, but it's good to take some time and really see things for what they are.

brundle

(((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))

We're here for you! So sorry about all your going through!!!

sapphire69

Is there such thing as a normal life? I have spent so many years wishing for "normal" and one day I had to really ask myself what normal was and maybe I needed to change the definition to peaceful.

Welcome to SR!

ellima01

i'd like to think theressomething close to a normal life out there---

Learn2Live

There is a normal life out there.
But YOU have to create it for yourself.

Janitw

Normal life ??? Shoot was is that ??? lol Like you Elima I worked outside our home and had teenagers and was always worrying what was going on at home....the kids would call me up at work and say Dad is crazy and has gone off the deep end and you need to come home now....well I worked an hour and a half aways from home so this wasnt well rec'd......when I did get home all was quiet and there I am shaking my head. Of course the kids were told to say nothing to me or else....hmmmm..

Its insanity hun....true blue insanity.

ElegantlyWasted

"He is in charge of his own destiny" I believe so. You can only do so much to help with out loosing yourself. IMHO.

What normal is.... Is relative to the circles you run in. Consciously or Unconsciously addicts seek out and/or create "enablers". This is why Interventions can work. This is why total commitment to AA does work. Changes in latitudes changes in attitudes. IMHO. Humbly on day 37 this time.

Ago

This thread made me remember what it was like for me

My Girlfriend was addicted to alcohol

I was addicted to her

and her drama

Strangely enough her getting sober had no bearing on my decision to walk away, my decision to walk away was because I was tired of being addicted

to her

and her drama

I'd go to my friends with daily stories of woe and disaster, daily stories of "look how she hurt me" in efforts to get "allies" in my war against alcoholism and my "abusive and hurtful Girlfriend", until eventually they about stopped taking my calls until I actually made some changes for myself and stopped trying to change her, stopped trying to "fix" her.

My friends actually asked me if I was addicted to misery, they asked did I need this daily "fix" of hurtful painful drama. If not why did I keep recreating it?

Turns out I did.

When I was miserable every day, that was my "normal" was being miserable every day. I made sure I generated enough misery daily to "get my fix", the great thing is I could blame how I felt on her. It was like a get out of jail free card.

God that was painful, WAY worse then my alcoholic bottom.

I was SO glad when "the penny dropped" and I understood what everyone here meant when they kept saying to put the focus back on me. I couldn't fix her but I could "fix" me.

I couldn't "find the way out" until I was willing to let go of changing her, and become willing to change myself.

I am so sorry you are going through this, it's awful.

ElegantlyWasted

Just had a stream of consciousness association to the title of this thread...

"You're gettin' sick and tired of gettin' sick and tired..." - Red Hot Chili Peppers

Hopefully that means some sort of bottom is near (and may it be the last one).