Tally

I told him he couldn't come home and that we both needed to sort ourselves out seperately and he should stay at his Mum & Dads for the forseeable etc.

He agreed.

Now I feel awful. I feel like a bi*** for not letting come home, I feel sad that it's come to this and I feel like left to his own devices he prolly won't get the help he needs. I miss him, I don't know, maybe I just miss the presense of someone else. I was feeling so positive and now I just feel crap.

bookwyrm

:ghug3

Read over some of your previous posts. Do you journal? Read some of your old journal entries. Doing the right thing for you was never going to be easy - but it will be worth it in the end. Be kind to yourself - it hurts, I know, so let it! But don't think you're being a bi***. You can't control him nor cure him. Let him go to find his own way and you can start focusing on yours.

Be gentle with yourself, you've just made a big change and you will need time to adjust! :ghug2

Tally

I know, I keep telling myself that and thinking of the bad times. I think I've just pulled the sticky plaster off, it hurts and I want to put it back on so it stops.

This "working on yourself" is gonna do me a world of good in the long run but sheesh, it's feels poo at the mo!

It sounds daft too but even though he said he wanted to come home more than anything but realised it wasn't gonna work for the time being I was kinda irked that he didn't make more of a fuss about wanting to come home, even though I didn't want him to come back I wanted him to show that he wanted to, I don't even know what I'm saying, it makes sense in my own head, lol.

And now I'm feeling "Now what?" and wandering around not quite knowing what to do with myself.

bookwyrm

So, do something you wouldn't normally do! Once STBXAH left, I spent a glorious day in my PJs, reading (undisturbed in the living room), watching my favourite TV programmes (without the whining about how crap they are in the background), pottering around with crafty stuff (with no running critique) eating delicious and healthy food - with vegetables (STBXAH hated veggies) and generally doing exactly what I wanted to for the day.

'Kay, once that was over it was back to work and I got the self help books out again!

'Now what' is the exciting (and a little scary sometimes) part. 'Now what' is when you decide what you want to do with your life, how you want to live and how you get there. Remember baby steps though and you don't have to decide everything at once. I'm still working it out - and I keep changing my mind the more I learn about myself.

:ghug3

sandrawg

I'm right there with you. My head is spinning sometimes. This is how things have gone with me, in the past of breaking up with my xabf (although this time is different cuz NO WAY in Hades will I take him back.) I think about him constantly for the first few days. Spend time here on the forum...talk to my alcoholic friends in recovery to try to make sense of things...

I guess I need that, to get this stuff out of my system and try to make sense of what is an INSANE situation.

It's kinda like the Kubler-Ross stages of death. Denial..bargaining...acceptance...these are all stages and, I am just letting myself feel things w/no judgment or action.

I'm kind of deferring doing things I usually do, like going to the gym, which I'm not happy about. But I think I need time to grieve.

Perhaps your a is not pressing haarder to come home because deep down inside he knows the situation is unacceptable. I truly believe that deep down, my xabf knows what he did-he knows he's an a but he chooses to deny it publically. I think deep down he respects me for having boundaries. Maybe, consider that as a possibility, rather than, he doesn't want to come back, which kind of hurts the ego, and hasn't your ego been battered enough, living with an a?

TakingCharge999

Hi Missus, its natural to feel that way, but it is for the best, keep moving forward and be gentle with yourself at this time .It takes guts to change the status quo. If he gets better or worse, its his life... put him in the hands of God/HP. Put yourself in his hands, too and ask him for everything you need.... and answers will come.
Hugs!!