hotamale

ok, what the hell. my ex' MOM emailed me yesterday to tell me that they were hosting an intervention for my ex. and, then, had the audacity to ask me to go with his dad to his home and try to convince him to go to a rehab/detox whatever.

WHAT PART OF --I AM NOT PART OF HIS LIFE ANY LONGER-- did she not get??

and, honestly, this bullsh-t has been going on since...May? The first time she asked me to help I took him to my apt and half carried him down the stairs from his motel room. he is 6'6" and was stumbling. and, that night was horrible.

IF SHE IS THAT CONCERNED, WHY THE HELL ISN'T SHE DRIVING UP FROM SAN DIEGO AT SOME FING POINT RATHER THAN ASK ME AND HER EX HUSBAND TO FIX CRAP? she is a teacher on summer break. whatever.

sorry to be so pissed off. i didn't get involved at all and gave her this website and told her how much it had helped me. so, thanks. just had to be pissy.

Daisy30

Next time I would simply suggest to her to try al-anon and remind her of the 3C's
Didn't cause it
Can't control it
Can't cure it

All the "helping" isn't really helping

sandrawg

Wait-I don't understand. What's so wrong with asking you to be involved in an intervention

Quite honestly, if my exbf's mother got to the point where she REALLY faced the magnitude of her son's problem...I mean REALLY faced it to such an extent that she wanted to conduct an intervention, I probably would participate.

I still love my ex-if there was even a small chance it would help him, I would do it.

Interventions do help some people.

Daisy30

I do not want to speak for anyone, but I think the difference is that HOTAMALE stated this:

Many of us get to the point where we just can't do it. We also realize that it is not our obligation to either.

Others can.

But regardless of who is at the intervention it will only work when/if the person is ready and not a second sooner.

sandrawg

Yes, this is definitely true.

I don't want any part of my ex's life while he's drinking, but I would probably make an exception for an intervention.

MeHandle

are you done releasing the anger, or you want to go throw some dishes at a brick wall in a safe place? But you gotta clean up your mess.:-)

I almost wish I would get really pissed off,..... I need a new set. :-} But not letting others disturb the things I have evaluated and have peace with is a good place to be too.

covington

Absolutley, I'm also in take care of me first mode.

If someone has lashed out at me a hundred times for no good reason why should I get within arm's reach to try to walk with him to a place of safety?

It is only due to spending forty or fifty hours reading posts here that I think I have been able to accept that I have zero power over someone else's spiritual growth and I better sit down and pray for some of my own.

And I think it's from reading a book a friend gave me about a Woman's Guide to the 12-Steps that something flashed over me one night in bed. I'm angry, I'm frustrated. Oh I can't stand how angry and frustrated I am. I really am. Angry and frustrated. I think I'm going to explode. So I'm lying there feeling anger because I don't want to feel grief and loss. (I mean, I know this about myself, rationally, but I'm still feeling like a volcano, really.) But some Al-Anon quote flashed through my head about grace being able to come down whenever you ask for it. And I'm like, great, mercy. Yeah, like I'm going to find mercy. Then something bigger than me said "Hey you don't own the timeline here. This process is on its own timeline."

And the anger and frustration and grief and loss just went away totally for thirty seconds. I was amazed, that when I quit trying to force it, if I trusted it would happen eventually, it started to happen. So yeah, the anger ebbs and flows a little more a little less depending on the day. But when there's no one lashing out at me I feel calm. I feel safe. I figure if I keep away from the one peson who likes to lash out at me things will be calm and peaceful, and . . . better eventually.

Today I do not want to stand within arm's reach of someone who has historically shown that they on a very regular basis lash out at me. And that's OK.

GiveLove

Good venting, hotamale. I'd be angry too. Remember that "no" is a complete sentence and "hell no" is a very good compound sentence

hotamale

thanks loves! i am calmer today. i guess his dad went there for the so-called intervention and he refused, so that was a lesson in futility.

thankfully, we were only together like 4 months and i wasn't too involved yet...at least for me.

i still find it humorous that an out-of-work teacher wouldn't take more initiative, but it is not my business to judge, right?

Right, no judgment.