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Please,please read this book, NOT UNDER BONDAGE

Old 06-11-2009, 09:55 PM
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1 Corinthians 13:1-13 love
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Please,please read this book, NOT UNDER BONDAGE

This book is called NOT UNDER BONDAGE, Biblical Divorce for Abuse, Adultery & Desertion . It is written by a woman survivor of domestic abuse.

Barbara Roberts is targeting a Christian audience, however the book crosses over in principle to all people. The reason she targets a Christian audience is for the specifics of the issues the Christian deals with on whether they are free to divorce because of how the church has interpreted it most often. It challenges those who give guidence or support to others on this issue. And the challenge is that the church has most often interpreted it wrong. Also, it will help the person who feels they are being held in a marriage to an alcoholic/domestic abuser because they are struggling with the usual stuff like guilt ,blame, fear, hope, marriage vows and so on.

As I have read many of our stories on this list we mention abuse and/or we call it the alcoholic behavior. We really don't say straight out that we have or are suffering under domestic abuse by the active alcohol abuser and/or alcoholic. This book is a very good read to see the distinction. It points out clearly that it is not just physical. Men will relate to this book well too.

You can buy the book on Amazon.com and it will probably get to you faster and cheaper. However, it is a better support for her if you order it directly off her website (google 'not under bondage'). She lives in Australia. She doesn't charge for the shipping. I ordered 2, one for me and one to pass for sharing. My kids will all read this book, they are 15 and over.

Also , I guess it is a good time to mention that I know that I also need to write a book. Her book does a great job , however there is something specific to address to the church as to understanding life with an alcohol and /or substance abuse partner plus their domestic abuse. Since she address the biblical argument I would just further elaborate the principles but i want the weight of the book to be the personal testimony so as to draw the actual picture that one has been abused, deserted and has a constant 3rd party in their marriage. I want the church to have to struggle with there "limbo" theological stand, at best, on this issue. I will be asking for help with this in the near future from people who would be able to volunteer from this list.

The title speaks her heart as the writer: NOT UNDER BONDAGE
She wants the abused to know they are not under bondage and free to choose divorce and remarriage.

This is her explanation of the cover of her book, I won't even need to quote the book to reveal the perspective inside, "about the cover" does this:

"The cover has been chosen because it conveys the experiences of being subject to domestic abuse, the scriptural dilemmas of the Christian victim, and the answers to those dilemmas that this books seeks to provide.

The photograph shows an institutional corridor, such as you might find in a jail or a psychiatric hospital. Although the colours are somewhat warm, the place is hard and impersonal.
The image is rotated 90 degrees which represents the confusion a victim feels: victims often think they are going crazy.

The right side of the image shows the walls, windows and ceiling of the corridor, the left side shows the reflection in the polished floor. The fuzzy image on the left represents how disparate explanations about the Bible's teaching on divorce and remarriage have muddled many people's thinking.

The white cage-like box superimposed on the photograph could suggest the victim who feels entrapped by the perpetrator and by scriptural interpretations.

The white angular lines suggest the need to examine faulty scriptural interpretions, perhaps from unexpected angles, in order to reach the light shining from the end of the corridor, where things are clear, up is up, down is down and false guilt is banished."

Last edited by GiveLove; 06-12-2009 at 07:02 AM. Reason: link
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Old 06-13-2009, 05:07 AM
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I left my 27 year old marriage just on 20 years ago as my husband's drink demented behavior was finally getting abusive, insane and intolerable. I have been in a relationship (of sorts) for just on 18 years, but have never lived as defacto or considered marriage. My exH divorced me 18 months after I walked out, but I couldn't see grounds for annulment so have been in limbo ever since. Frankly the whole mess sucks.. My best friend had her H desert her and 3 kids ( for his 25 YO GF) around the same time as I left home and she has led a totally celibate life with no male contact for the last 20 years.
Her hubby is doing fine with new family, she has pulled her life together but it has been lonely for her. I didn't ask for what I got and she sure wasn't expecting what she got, but we are punished as if we had committed great sin.
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Old 06-13-2009, 06:33 AM
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1 Corinthians 13:1-13 love
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Jadmack25,

I was just about to offer myself up for emails and contact. However, I see that you live in Australia as the author of the book does. She answers emails and phone calls.:-) Yes, this book will help clear away the not so critical thinking on this issue and her argument is more then persuasive.

If your friend is open as you are to the fact that she might have understood the biblical text or principles on this issue wrong and/or that the tendencies of official Church positions may be wrong please,please get this book to her.

You are most likely about to experience a new level of freedom if this has continued to weigh on you for all these years, or if you just didn't know how to express why you thought certain things were right but confused to what has 'appeared' to be God's stand on the issue. Hence, limbo. This book at the least has the ability to move your mind out of limbo.

Thanks for trusting me enough to get this suggested reading Jadmack25.:-)

love tammy
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