FunnyOne

This is the story of two little pigs who met and fell in whatever. The little pigs decided they would pay half of all the joint property and then use "discretionary funds" to do with what they pleased in their own names and it would not be joint property.

Now the little pig in the brick house saved and invested. And the big grandiose pig in the straw house bought "things" that made him happy.

You get the picture....

My R?AH thinks that a divorce would help his recovery. But he wants what the brick house pig saved, which in our state is protected, but that doesn't stop him from trying.

So, since he never could figure out anything more complex than opening a bottle, I set up his personal accounts. My attorney is trying to protect me of course, and there is much information that can be gleaned by entering into those spaces which are legally OK to enter by right of "usual and common practices" i.e. me managing his accounts....but, every time I "collect" protection information, what I find angers me, shows me how incredibly gullible I was, etc.

In recovery we learn to focus on ourselves abstain from delving into the A's business, but we also learn to protect ourselves from further harm.

I am too private to turn this "task" over to someone, and I know that they wouldn't recognize the significance of the charge, email, phone number....but yuck....I am much better off being the ostrich in recovery than the hawk in divorce proceedings.

Any advice?

Tryingtobefree

Take a deep breath and focus on the reason you have to do these things - to protect and take care of yourself. It's only temporary. You won't be looking into his "business" forever.

I know it must be extremely painful but if what you find helps you to protect yourself and the assets that YOU worked for then the end result is a better, happier and saner life for you.

MeHandle

Be wise as a serpent and as gentle as a dove!!!

Again, Godly advice. :-)

You're not suppose to get into his recovery, you can't help being entangled in his business. Married 'business', being one , makes it your business to help decide how it should be separated into 2, until you are no longer legally one.



You are so creatively witty, I love it little piggy.

mamaplus2kids

Your post is very funny! Loved the "So, since he never could figure out anything more complex than opening a bottle, I set up his personal accounts." Isn't that the crux of the whole problem? We do things for other people that they should be doing themselves! I am in the midst of a nasty divorce, and it is all my enabling-behavior that is making this case so confusing. That my ex-husband is a sociopath has contributed to the expense of this divorce!

LaTeeDa

Just as the alcoholic is accountable for the consequences of his drinking, the enabler is accountable for the consequences of enabling. Staying in a lopsided marriage with an irresponsible alcoholic for so many years and getting myself all tangled up in my husband's finances, taxes, etc. caused me to lose a lot in the divorce. Those were my consequences. It sucked, but boy did I learn some important lessons.

L