Yikes.....STBXAH is at an AA meeting
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: MO
Posts: 743
He did go to the meeting, came back and left his coin and meeting schedule on the dresser. Didn't say a word, which is good because I wasn't going to discuss it with him. His recovery, if he chooses, is his business.....and I've got all I can handle dealing with my own stuff.
I've decided to proceed as planned and stay out of his way. If he is serious about changing, and doing it for all the right reasons, there is nothing I can do or not do that will affect that.
I've decided to proceed as planned and stay out of his way. If he is serious about changing, and doing it for all the right reasons, there is nothing I can do or not do that will affect that.
Life is what you make of it
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Finding MY way in Ohio
Posts: 90
How is that saying----
"you've come along way baby"
....you sure have!!!!
Great job Blessed!! Stick w/ your gut ...stay strong....
As always, you are in my prayers and take care of you!!
"you've come along way baby"
....you sure have!!!! Great job Blessed!! Stick w/ your gut ...stay strong....
As always, you are in my prayers and take care of you!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
Last week a friend of mine who has gone through what I am now (minus the kids) told me that her counselor put it quite well--if he did go to AA and he changed would that have any influence on your decision to divorce him. She said she thought about it briefly and the answer was no it would not. She asked me the same thing and I had to say the same thing.
I have been married to this man for 11+ years. I have begged him to get treatment for 10 of those years and then I started to get healthy myself and stopped begging. Now that I have told him I no longer want to be married to him he decided he would go to counseling to fix things that he does due to how he was raised (it took him 2 months to get an appointment) --but amazingly he has not attended a single AA meeting or made any attempts to get into alcohol and/or drug treatment. He wants to see what the counselor has to say--just another stall tactic.
He has been verbally abusive and once he almost hit me--but somehow the message that the police would then be involved made it through the alcohol haze. Now he is becoming verbally abusive to our older son. He is not drinking at home right now--when the family is around. But he is home all day and I have no idea if he has it or his drugs stashed somewhere and is getting high during the day--and I don't care anymore. The other thing that made it clear to me that I am done--if he had an affair I would not care. I don't hate him, but I don't love him anymore and I don't want to married to him anymore. At some point I think you just have to say I've had enough and I am taking care of me and the kids now. You do what you need to do--but you do it without me.
I have been married to this man for 11+ years. I have begged him to get treatment for 10 of those years and then I started to get healthy myself and stopped begging. Now that I have told him I no longer want to be married to him he decided he would go to counseling to fix things that he does due to how he was raised (it took him 2 months to get an appointment) --but amazingly he has not attended a single AA meeting or made any attempts to get into alcohol and/or drug treatment. He wants to see what the counselor has to say--just another stall tactic.
He has been verbally abusive and once he almost hit me--but somehow the message that the police would then be involved made it through the alcohol haze. Now he is becoming verbally abusive to our older son. He is not drinking at home right now--when the family is around. But he is home all day and I have no idea if he has it or his drugs stashed somewhere and is getting high during the day--and I don't care anymore. The other thing that made it clear to me that I am done--if he had an affair I would not care. I don't hate him, but I don't love him anymore and I don't want to married to him anymore. At some point I think you just have to say I've had enough and I am taking care of me and the kids now. You do what you need to do--but you do it without me.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
I remember all those conflicting emotions... in the end, I decided that there was too much damage done to our relationship and whether or not my loved one chose to get help I still didn't want to be married to him anymore. There was too much junk there that I couldn't forget, even if I could forgive.
WITH that said, I also remember some resentments when he did follow thru and make some really healthy changes and choices in his life. He's a completely different person today, happily married, financially very successful, a good dad to our sons. With the help of my sponsor, I was able to work thru those resentments, and I quickly realized that it was the best thing for me, for him AND for our sons that we were no longer married and had each found our own healthier lives and paths. Today my kids have 2 healthy parents... and they see recovery in action. That's good enough for me.
Hugs
Cats
WITH that said, I also remember some resentments when he did follow thru and make some really healthy changes and choices in his life. He's a completely different person today, happily married, financially very successful, a good dad to our sons. With the help of my sponsor, I was able to work thru those resentments, and I quickly realized that it was the best thing for me, for him AND for our sons that we were no longer married and had each found our own healthier lives and paths. Today my kids have 2 healthy parents... and they see recovery in action. That's good enough for me.
Hugs
Cats
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Yeahh, run over my heart 28389734326 times and then give me a band aid to cure it!! EVERYTHING will be healed and forgotten!!
:wtf2
Kudos to you blessed, it feels great to see you get your power back!!
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