New Member, Same Old Story
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 129
New Member, Same Old Story
My first post on this board, a big believer in using these kinds of places to "talk", "listen", and work through issues, whether good or bad.
I'm the son, brother, and in-law of alcoholics. My Dad dies over 20+ years ago at the age of 46. My sister KS (now age 43) is following in his footsteps. My in-laws (mother, brother, sister) are alcoholics but all have been sober for 15+ years and are very active with AA. Safe to say, I'm not a "virgin" in dealing with this, but it never is easy.
Sis is well on her way to killing herself before she reaches the age that our Dad died at. I could go into all the details of this latest drinking binge, but obsessing over the what, where's, and why's doesn't solve nothing, she still has never accepted the fact that she has a problem. I catch myself wanting to check on her, but it is of no use, she has "the flu" this time, one of the usual stories of a secret drinker. Dumping the vodka (her drink of choice, since it "hides" the smell), hiding her car keys, checking to see if she got fired from another job will not do anything, she will continue on her merry way. I just need to take care of what I can control, which is my life, not hers.
Again, it is supportive to read other posts on the board and knowing that we are not alone in dealing with our loved one's alcoholism. I know with Al-Anon and a few prayers, we can find the strength to handle this, but it sure isn't easy.
Thanks for listening.
I'm the son, brother, and in-law of alcoholics. My Dad dies over 20+ years ago at the age of 46. My sister KS (now age 43) is following in his footsteps. My in-laws (mother, brother, sister) are alcoholics but all have been sober for 15+ years and are very active with AA. Safe to say, I'm not a "virgin" in dealing with this, but it never is easy.
Sis is well on her way to killing herself before she reaches the age that our Dad died at. I could go into all the details of this latest drinking binge, but obsessing over the what, where's, and why's doesn't solve nothing, she still has never accepted the fact that she has a problem. I catch myself wanting to check on her, but it is of no use, she has "the flu" this time, one of the usual stories of a secret drinker. Dumping the vodka (her drink of choice, since it "hides" the smell), hiding her car keys, checking to see if she got fired from another job will not do anything, she will continue on her merry way. I just need to take care of what I can control, which is my life, not hers.
Again, it is supportive to read other posts on the board and knowing that we are not alone in dealing with our loved one's alcoholism. I know with Al-Anon and a few prayers, we can find the strength to handle this, but it sure isn't easy.
Thanks for listening.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
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Dreamstones, I'm so glad you found us. I love this sort of helpful discourse too...it really helps me keep my head screwed on straight, because I've always been surrounded by alcoholism too.
There nothing I can say to you that you don't already know. The bottle-dumping, etc......just a waste of time.
This is her life. It's horribly sad if she chooses this path of destruction for herself, but it's her choice. She could also choose recovery at any time. The catch is that YOU don't have control over her decision either way. But you knew that.
Just sending you some good, strengthening thoughts to help you get through the aftermath of her latest binge....
What have you done for YOU lately?
There nothing I can say to you that you don't already know. The bottle-dumping, etc......just a waste of time.
This is her life. It's horribly sad if she chooses this path of destruction for herself, but it's her choice. She could also choose recovery at any time. The catch is that YOU don't have control over her decision either way. But you knew that.
Just sending you some good, strengthening thoughts to help you get through the aftermath of her latest binge....
What have you done for YOU lately?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 129
GiveLove,
Thanks for the words, they DO help and mean a lot!
The weird dynamics with my sister's alcoholism involves my Mom. Though I love my sis, it is my Mom I worry about the most. This woman put up with Dad's drinking and lost him, then met a wonderful man years later who died from cancer. Although she has been going to Al-Anon since my sisters intervention 10+ years ago, she still enables (like sis living with her) in many ways and gets hurt each time she catches her drinking.
After sis got out of Intensive care last month (of course, drinking related, her esophagus hemorrhaged), Mom thought this was her rock bottom and she found the light! Well, sis still hasn't come out and said she has a drinking problem. Now my Mom is in England (where she was born) and calls me every other day asking me to check on sis to see if she is alive or not. I've checked a few times and based on the disaster in house, buckets of bloody vomit next to her bed, and empty vodka bottles, it will probably be any day before she does die this time. All I ask her is if she thinks she has a drinking problem and if she is ready to get help. Of course, as she is laying in her own vomit, she sticks by the story that she doesn't drink. Even pointing out the empty bottles in her laundry basket (great stash place), she claims I put them there. I know you can't argue with an alcoholic, much less reason with one when they are so sh*t-faced.
What have I done for myself? I have just been keeping busy occupying my mind, from painting to becoming the next Iron Chef! Go to Al-Anon meetings, met with couselor through employee assistance program, talk with my sister-in-law, who has been sober for 15 years and is a counselor herself. Believe me, after this many years, I can find my time, it is just the fact that sis almost died, what, 6 weeks ago when I called 911 (Mom believed her flu story) and now here we go again on another death march.
Thanks for the words, they DO help and mean a lot!
The weird dynamics with my sister's alcoholism involves my Mom. Though I love my sis, it is my Mom I worry about the most. This woman put up with Dad's drinking and lost him, then met a wonderful man years later who died from cancer. Although she has been going to Al-Anon since my sisters intervention 10+ years ago, she still enables (like sis living with her) in many ways and gets hurt each time she catches her drinking.
After sis got out of Intensive care last month (of course, drinking related, her esophagus hemorrhaged), Mom thought this was her rock bottom and she found the light! Well, sis still hasn't come out and said she has a drinking problem. Now my Mom is in England (where she was born) and calls me every other day asking me to check on sis to see if she is alive or not. I've checked a few times and based on the disaster in house, buckets of bloody vomit next to her bed, and empty vodka bottles, it will probably be any day before she does die this time. All I ask her is if she thinks she has a drinking problem and if she is ready to get help. Of course, as she is laying in her own vomit, she sticks by the story that she doesn't drink. Even pointing out the empty bottles in her laundry basket (great stash place), she claims I put them there. I know you can't argue with an alcoholic, much less reason with one when they are so sh*t-faced.
What have I done for myself? I have just been keeping busy occupying my mind, from painting to becoming the next Iron Chef! Go to Al-Anon meetings, met with couselor through employee assistance program, talk with my sister-in-law, who has been sober for 15 years and is a counselor herself. Believe me, after this many years, I can find my time, it is just the fact that sis almost died, what, 6 weeks ago when I called 911 (Mom believed her flu story) and now here we go again on another death march.
Originally Posted by GiveLove 
Dreamstones, I'm so glad you found us. I love this sort of helpful discourse too...it really helps me keep my head screwed on straight, because I've always been surrounded by alcoholism too.
There nothing I can say to you that you don't already know. The bottle-dumping, etc......just a waste of time.
This is her life. It's horribly sad if she chooses this path of destruction for herself, but it's her choice. She could also choose recovery at any time. The catch is that YOU don't have control over her decision either way. But you knew that.
Just sending you some good, strengthening thoughts to help you get through the aftermath of her latest binge....
What have you done for YOU lately?
There nothing I can say to you that you don't already know. The bottle-dumping, etc......just a waste of time.
This is her life. It's horribly sad if she chooses this path of destruction for herself, but it's her choice. She could also choose recovery at any time. The catch is that YOU don't have control over her decision either way. But you knew that.
Just sending you some good, strengthening thoughts to help you get through the aftermath of her latest binge....
What have you done for YOU lately?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Between the ocean and the mountains
Posts: 653
welcome to you. you will find some answers on this board for your health and well-being.
i am worried about the advanced state of your sister's disease. i have read that they reach an end point in their alcoholism in which they cannot make any choice to save themselves. the brain is too paralyzed and the will is unreachable.
i am hoping recovering alcoholics on the board might address this ...perhaps i am off base.
given this concern, my instinct is to suggest you call the local AA number and describe her state and ask about a 12 step intervention.....AA members coming to her home to speak to her.
again, i would rely on veteran recovering alcoholics to address the possibility of an AA outreach.
even if they do reach through to her in a visit, sharing their stories, offering to take her to a meeting and help her detox safely, she may still fall.
but maybe she wouldn't.
good luck in your healing, no matter what.
i am worried about the advanced state of your sister's disease. i have read that they reach an end point in their alcoholism in which they cannot make any choice to save themselves. the brain is too paralyzed and the will is unreachable.
i am hoping recovering alcoholics on the board might address this ...perhaps i am off base.
given this concern, my instinct is to suggest you call the local AA number and describe her state and ask about a 12 step intervention.....AA members coming to her home to speak to her.
again, i would rely on veteran recovering alcoholics to address the possibility of an AA outreach.
even if they do reach through to her in a visit, sharing their stories, offering to take her to a meeting and help her detox safely, she may still fall.
but maybe she wouldn't.
good luck in your healing, no matter what.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 129
bluejay6,
I've spoken with my sister-in-law about the 12 step intervention, but she is in such a drunken stuper these past 16 days (the day my Mom left for England), she wouldn't hear anyone out. She has basically baracaded herself in her room whenever I come in the house. I even brought our Aunt over, who is also her Godmother and very close to her, she just peeked out the door and said she had the flu. We asked if she was ready for help, of course denied.
I think she cannot make the choice anymore, but it is weird how she can "turn if off" when she has to, with no side effects. My other concern is that after recent hospital episode, it was revealed that she was a diabetic, so on top of worrying about her bleeding out, she could go into a diabetic coma.
thanks for your kind words.
I've spoken with my sister-in-law about the 12 step intervention, but she is in such a drunken stuper these past 16 days (the day my Mom left for England), she wouldn't hear anyone out. She has basically baracaded herself in her room whenever I come in the house. I even brought our Aunt over, who is also her Godmother and very close to her, she just peeked out the door and said she had the flu. We asked if she was ready for help, of course denied.
I think she cannot make the choice anymore, but it is weird how she can "turn if off" when she has to, with no side effects. My other concern is that after recent hospital episode, it was revealed that she was a diabetic, so on top of worrying about her bleeding out, she could go into a diabetic coma.
thanks for your kind words.
Originally Posted by bluejay6
welcome to you. you will find some answers on this board for your health and well-being.
i am worried about the advanced state of your sister's disease. i have read that they reach an end point in their alcoholism in which they cannot make any choice to save themselves. the brain is too paralyzed and the will is unreachable.
i am hoping recovering alcoholics on the board might address this ...perhaps i am off base.
given this concern, my instinct is to suggest you call the local AA number and describe her state and ask about a 12 step intervention.....AA members coming to her home to speak to her.
again, i would rely on veteran recovering alcoholics to address the possibility of an AA outreach.
even if they do reach through to her in a visit, sharing their stories, offering to take her to a meeting and help her detox safely, she may still fall.
but maybe she wouldn't.
good luck in your healing, no matter what.
i am worried about the advanced state of your sister's disease. i have read that they reach an end point in their alcoholism in which they cannot make any choice to save themselves. the brain is too paralyzed and the will is unreachable.
i am hoping recovering alcoholics on the board might address this ...perhaps i am off base.
given this concern, my instinct is to suggest you call the local AA number and describe her state and ask about a 12 step intervention.....AA members coming to her home to speak to her.
again, i would rely on veteran recovering alcoholics to address the possibility of an AA outreach.
even if they do reach through to her in a visit, sharing their stories, offering to take her to a meeting and help her detox safely, she may still fall.
but maybe she wouldn't.
good luck in your healing, no matter what.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 129
I think she had some money saved up from her waitress job before my Mom headed off to England, so she drives over to nearby grocery store and loads up on Vodka, milk, and chicken soup. That is the mess I see at house, empty mile jugs (probably because her esophegus is burning), chicken soup cans, and empty vodka bottles.
The "flu" is one of her usual excuses when she is drinking, along with she is tired or having her time of the month, then she usually holes up in her room. Again, the secret drinker who thinks no one knows she is drinking, total denial.
The "flu" is one of her usual excuses when she is drinking, along with she is tired or having her time of the month, then she usually holes up in her room. Again, the secret drinker who thinks no one knows she is drinking, total denial.
Originally Posted by Still Waters
How is she getting the booze, if she's that sick?
Just curious.
Just curious.
Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
Aha, I see. We don't have liquor in our stores here 
Actually, we don't have it in the entire county. LOL.
There was an interesting thread/question in here yesterday about an intervention idea dreamstones, did you see it?
Actually, we don't have it in the entire county. LOL.
There was an interesting thread/question in here yesterday about an intervention idea dreamstones, did you see it?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 129
Still Waters,
The town I live in here in Wisconsin has liquor stores in just about every grocery store. Add the stand alone liquor stores, a bar on what seems like every block, well, plenty of sources for booze.
I didn't see the intervention idea, I'll have to find that thread, thanks for the info. I know the one we had 10 years ago or so with my Sis was more "guilt inspired" I beleive, she went out of guilt, not because she wanted help.
On another note, I'm going to a funeral today for a friend's brother who basically drank himself to death last week. Tried to tell my Sis about it and if she wanted to go, but still holed up in her room. This makes 20 straight days of drinking, passing out, drinking, etc. My Mom's house looks like a hurricane hit, the smell is so bad from food all over floors, stove, table, etc, as well as the smell from her room, probably from the buckets of vomit still sitting there. Again, she won't even poke her head out now, she's in a bad state now.
Thanks again for your support, will check out intervention thread.
The town I live in here in Wisconsin has liquor stores in just about every grocery store. Add the stand alone liquor stores, a bar on what seems like every block, well, plenty of sources for booze.
I didn't see the intervention idea, I'll have to find that thread, thanks for the info. I know the one we had 10 years ago or so with my Sis was more "guilt inspired" I beleive, she went out of guilt, not because she wanted help.
On another note, I'm going to a funeral today for a friend's brother who basically drank himself to death last week. Tried to tell my Sis about it and if she wanted to go, but still holed up in her room. This makes 20 straight days of drinking, passing out, drinking, etc. My Mom's house looks like a hurricane hit, the smell is so bad from food all over floors, stove, table, etc, as well as the smell from her room, probably from the buckets of vomit still sitting there. Again, she won't even poke her head out now, she's in a bad state now.
Thanks again for your support, will check out intervention thread.
Originally Posted by Still Waters
Aha, I see. We don't have liquor in our stores here
Actually, we don't have it in the entire county. LOL.
There was an interesting thread/question in here yesterday about an intervention idea dreamstones, did you see it?
Actually, we don't have it in the entire county. LOL.
There was an interesting thread/question in here yesterday about an intervention idea dreamstones, did you see it?
Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
Hey Dreamstones! Here is the thread I meant. I think the idea is intervention from AA folks being more useful than with family.
The reason I asked about where she as getting it actually, was because she just sounds too sick to get out to me. I just wanted to be sure no one was going to get it for her.
Sounds like a really really bad situation, I'm adding you, your family, and especially your sister to my prayer list.
The reason I asked about where she as getting it actually, was because she just sounds too sick to get out to me. I just wanted to be sure no one was going to get it for her.
Sounds like a really really bad situation, I'm adding you, your family, and especially your sister to my prayer list.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Hi dreamstones,
Just wanted you to offer some ((hugs)), I am very sorry alcoholism has been so present in your life... and I am amazed the denial alcoholics live in. I will keep all of you in my thoughts.
You are very strong.
Just wanted you to offer some ((hugs)), I am very sorry alcoholism has been so present in your life... and I am amazed the denial alcoholics live in. I will keep all of you in my thoughts.
You are very strong.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 129
Still Waters,
Thanks for the link, as well as the prayers, I really appreciate it.
You are right, she is pretty sick, but strong enough to drive the mile to store and load up on more vodka. She has to be down to less than 100 pounds now, I'm assuming her diabetes and esophegus are teetering on the edge, but she keeps on drinking, holed up in her room.
When I checked on her Easter Sunday, same thing as usual, I knock on her door, ask if she is alive, ask if she is ready to get help, she tells me to go to hell, then I leave. I did drop a little white lie when I left, telling her that Mom changed her flight and was coming back a week early. Well, my phone at work and cell phone was ringing off the hook yesterday, leaving me drunken messages, telling me she was over the "flu" and was cleaning up the mess. I was hoping the little lie would get her motivated to get off her a$$ and maybe do something besides wallowing in her vomit and vodka. I got message at 7:00 AM this morning, of course drunk, wondering where Mom was.
She is pretty much long gone and needs serious help. I'm worried about her going into diabetic coma or bleeding out again when esophegus ruptures again. I've come to the conclusion these past 10+ years her mentality is stuck at the age of 12 or so, when I think she started drinking. Of course, with AD (who owned a tavern as well), finding booze wasn't a problem. It's almost as if she tried to "straighten" out when she thought Mom was coming home, maybe she'll get "grounded" or something along those lines??? Not sure why I said what I did, but it did get some kind of response.
Will just keep praying, check on her to see if she needs medical help (I can't force her to go to hospital and checked all options to get her into hospital, hands are tied unless she is in life threatening situation). Will keep going to Al-Anon (taking my Aunt this week for her first time) and I know that it's out of my control. Just frustrating, I love my sister and I don't want her to die, but I have no control over this freaking disease, this much I know.
Thanks for the link, as well as the prayers, I really appreciate it.
You are right, she is pretty sick, but strong enough to drive the mile to store and load up on more vodka. She has to be down to less than 100 pounds now, I'm assuming her diabetes and esophegus are teetering on the edge, but she keeps on drinking, holed up in her room.
When I checked on her Easter Sunday, same thing as usual, I knock on her door, ask if she is alive, ask if she is ready to get help, she tells me to go to hell, then I leave. I did drop a little white lie when I left, telling her that Mom changed her flight and was coming back a week early. Well, my phone at work and cell phone was ringing off the hook yesterday, leaving me drunken messages, telling me she was over the "flu" and was cleaning up the mess. I was hoping the little lie would get her motivated to get off her a$$ and maybe do something besides wallowing in her vomit and vodka. I got message at 7:00 AM this morning, of course drunk, wondering where Mom was.
She is pretty much long gone and needs serious help. I'm worried about her going into diabetic coma or bleeding out again when esophegus ruptures again. I've come to the conclusion these past 10+ years her mentality is stuck at the age of 12 or so, when I think she started drinking. Of course, with AD (who owned a tavern as well), finding booze wasn't a problem. It's almost as if she tried to "straighten" out when she thought Mom was coming home, maybe she'll get "grounded" or something along those lines??? Not sure why I said what I did, but it did get some kind of response.
Will just keep praying, check on her to see if she needs medical help (I can't force her to go to hospital and checked all options to get her into hospital, hands are tied unless she is in life threatening situation). Will keep going to Al-Anon (taking my Aunt this week for her first time) and I know that it's out of my control. Just frustrating, I love my sister and I don't want her to die, but I have no control over this freaking disease, this much I know.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 129
Thankx Dreamer, I appreciate the hugs, they help. Not sure about strong, just loving my family the best I can.
Originally Posted by Dreamer999
Hi dreamstones,
Just wanted you to offer some ((hugs)), I am very sorry alcoholism has been so present in your life... and I am amazed the denial alcoholics live in. I will keep all of you in my thoughts.
You are very strong.
Just wanted you to offer some ((hugs)), I am very sorry alcoholism has been so present in your life... and I am amazed the denial alcoholics live in. I will keep all of you in my thoughts.
You are very strong.
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