Seren

Hopefully with the increasing number of members, there will be a larger pool of trusted volunteers from which moderators my be chosen. That way, the separation of board topics will remain just that, separated.

I feel the way I feel because it was pointed out to me that I am a newcomer and, therefore, have not noticed the changes that have occurred lately. I took this to mean that I can't offer any valid opinion in this case. Also, it has been discussed that all the newcomers have changed the landscape of the boards and that they do not seem quite right or as helpful as they once were because at the same time, some more long-term members do not visit or post any longer. This comment I take to mean that the presence of the newcomer is reducing the quality of the helpful nature of this board to the more long-term members.

Perhaps I misunderstand the comments and I am perfectly willing to accept that interpretation and again, I apologize. It is clear that there are some who are deeply affected and offended that people are not bothering to post their threads in the correct forum. Again, perhaps the increasing membership will allow for more moderators to be chosen and for this problem to ultimately be resolved.

Best,
HG

Jazzman

Shew, I though it was my tasteless dog joke that got it moved.

Cats you're a class act and I love your style of moderating.

Lilyflower

Hydro, you have misunderstood my response to you, it was in no means a slur to you or other newbies, not at all!

I do value your opinion and welcome it, I even thanked you for contributing!

Your post commented on the statistics of how many threads were currently on the board (I believe you said 2 out of 371 or something??) so in respect to that idea I thought I would share with you my feeling that the frequency has risen during my time here, which is spread over a 14/15 month period. This was the ONLY reason I commented on your newness! That it is possible you have not noticed the increase due to your short time here. How long you have been a member of SR bears no relevance on whether your input is significant.

Your insights on whether you find these threads useful to your recovery are obviously important, as I asked for a consensus on how everyone felt. Everyone being all inclusive!

As for members leaving which was brought up, I took that to mean that the poster felt those members may have left as they did not feel comfortable any longer for one reason or another. Some of those members have left during my early months when I was a newbie, I did not take their leaving as a reflection on my input here and I did not assume this is what the poster meant by bring this up. Funny how we all interpret things differently!

I hope you no longer feel that I ostricised you.

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

MeHandle

So many thoughts from off your post.

The only post I started was taken off the A forum, because as a newbie I put it on 2 forums before i asked for it to be removed from the other. It would have opened "how it feels to be the one affected by the alcoholic," I believe.

WHen the RA puts there comments into fnf, they are usually supporting the fnf member and are "standing in opposition" to the using A. The actions on the switch bring up some very interesting thoughts to actions, perspective and thoughts of a relationally affected or co-dependent on the A forum.

As to my response to the 2nd best comment please consider that my life is only a sketch on here, my perspective is as a family member who is relationally affected : I am not co-dependent, my mother is. As my sister is an addicted those behaviors "shined" strongest with such stress. My mother's co-dependent behavior was one of not seeing how she positioned others into second best inorder to maintain the innocence or worth of her addict child or to try to control others because of her fears. Others would include herself and her healthy children. I started needing to make this comment to my mom in my pre-teens," Wrong kid, I don't do guilt trips." Anyway, she tried to make police and councilors 2nd best because D is better then they think, mom was 2nd best because she would sacrifice her security to get D out of trouble, she tried to make me 2nd best because mom would say" but if you do this then D will do this." Then mom would also give the addict the 2 winner position along with ministry and government. How is your D someone would ask," Well she is in jail again but doing great. She is so smart they just gave her a college scholarship and her painting got accepted and it was hung is wherevereUSA and she is going to have free housing."
As to being married to an alcoholic for 21 years I made what i believed was the right decision in my present maturity, not because i was co-dependent. THen stayed because of what I thought were the rules of marriage and divorce before God, not because I was 2nd best.

So agreed, co-dependent behaviors can 2nd best people. Now coming full circle, this post may be received by those who see themselves as RCD or CD the way an A forum member may receive fnf people posting their effected life because of the A choices and behaviors.

So you believe this website sees the relationally affected or the CD as 2nd best?




I relation to my thoughts I also quote peaceteach.

In fnf are the relationally affected 2nd best?

Also peaceteach, my "want or need to help others" is part of the way in which I live a life for myself and self-fulfillment. And I live this life in honor and thankfulness to God for spiritual growth and fulfillment and JOY. You were not saying that wanting and needing to help others in and of itself cannot be lived with a healthy perspective and balance, where you?

There is a reason step 12 is at the end of program that mentors one from basics into more maturity,health, balance and understanding.

PaperDolls

I've been around here for a while and for what it's worth I still learn something new everyday I visit.

I also frequent the Mental Health forum -- I think everyone that visits it often is VERY careful to specify that they are sharing their experience and tells anyone asking for advice to see their doctor. I feel like it's a responsibility of mine and I think others do too.

With that said, I haven't seen the thread that was originally mentioned. There's always a few threads here and there that are off-topic or just plain annoying. I just ignore them and if I think something is out of control or possibly harmful, I report it.

I'm just glad SR has such a diverse crowd. I wouldn't have learned near as much as I have if we were all the same. How boring would that be?

Peace and Hugs.

LaTeeDa

I've been coming here for quite a while and I definitely notice this place has an ebb and flow of recovery. Many times I log on and it seems most of the posts, while technically on topic, are all about the A's. What they are doing, not doing, how angry they make someone, latest antics, getting arrested, whatever. I don't spend a lot of time reading those posts, or the off topic ones because I don't get what I need from them.

Just today, I was wondering to myself why it is that I keep coming back. The answer that came to me was not only because I learn from others here, but because every time I write about my recovery and the new beliefs and behaviors I have learned, it is reinforced. Talking the talk on this board helps me walk the walk in real life. This place not only reminds me how I want (and don't want) to live, it gives me a chance to keep working on myself.

When the ebb of usefulness comes, I look to other places to keep my recovery going. (primarily books) Then, when the flow of recovery returns, so do I.

L