????? - want to share, does anyone feel the same?

Old 01-28-2009, 05:00 AM
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????? - want to share, does anyone feel the same?

I am a little confused about this forum recently. Is it just me???

Why are there threads about mental health, acohol addiction cures (just to example a few recent ones) in a friends and family SUPPORT forum???

Why aren't these posts being moved to a more appropriate forum to discuss i.e. mental health and AA forums???

Is it just me, or does anyone else feel the same???

I feel that I want to come here to get support and give support for alcohol addiction in loved ones but I am increasingly put off by the increasing amount of threads that have absolutely nothing to do with that.

I have nothing, and I repeat - absolutely NOTHING against these posts or their posters, but I was under the impression that if something is posted in a forum and there is another more appropriate one, that thread is moved???

When I want to read and give or receive support for other issues, I visit the other forums. I don't see the point in having individual forums for different subjects if our forum is becoming increasingly blended into all the others.

What is going on???

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Old 01-28-2009, 05:10 AM
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I have expressed a similar view and frustration but was shot down for it. So, I guess this is the way its going to be.
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Old 01-28-2009, 05:14 AM
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Well, there are 371 threads in this topic area....there are a very small percent that are dealing with subjects other than friends and family of alcoholics (two on the first page).

If you find that percentage troubling, then you have a right to express your frustrations. If you voice your opinion directly to a moderator, perhaps the "cardiologist's cure" type of threads will be moved?
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Old 01-28-2009, 05:21 AM
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i''m ok with it, cause it may be of interest to me in my endeavor to understand dependency which affects my loved ones. In fact I just read the book known as "the cure" and I would not have been aware of it had not someone posted on this forum about it.
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Old 01-28-2009, 05:21 AM
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There have been a LOT of new people who have joined and many new threads as well. With only a handful of moderators (all volunteers) we do the best we can to keep things on track.

You can always PM me if you have a question or concern. If I can't do something, I'll either find someone who can or I'll let you know why it can't be done. I try to respond to every PM I get.

Thanks.

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Old 01-28-2009, 05:34 AM
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Originally Posted by hydrogirl View Post
If you voice your opinion directly to a moderator, perhaps the "cardiologist's cure" type of threads will be moved?
You would hope, and I have done so (posted MG as I am not sure who the F&F admin is). However it would seem that others (Barbara above for one) has noticed the increasing frequency with which this is happening and has asked about it, to see no improvement. So....

Also Hydro I notice you are relatively new, believe me, the frequency that this is happening has rocketed since I joined here over a year ago, I thank you for your insight though, this thread was to judge the common consensus only.

Cats- thanks, I have pm'd MG about my feelings on this, as I say, I just wanted to 'see' if others had the same feelings. When I joined here, I was very quickly asked to attend my home forum ''F&F'' and have been rebuked for posting in other areas, this policy seems to have changed, it is not just newbies, that I could understand as they are still settling in, finding their way about etc. There seems to be a crossing over of members between the forums.

Also, if there are becoming far too many members and therefore threads to be moderated by the team, then why aren't more being invited to mod??? I am sure many here would be happy to help out; so that there could be 2 or 3 mods per forum? The only thing I see increasing is the number of greaters, not mods.

Just my two cents.

I believe this dicussion is a healthy one though and much needed.

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Old 01-28-2009, 06:21 AM
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Lily,

I've contacted some of the other mods about this and should have an answer for you soon. I'm at work so it will probably be later this afternoon.

Thanks!

Cats
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Old 01-28-2009, 08:14 AM
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hmmm..... not sure...

I see this forum as a space to help those who are affected by anothers drinking. Many of those people (including me) will have mental health issues brought about by/exacerbated by living with someone who is addicted. I don't think the two issues are as unconnected as twelve step programs would like to believe sometimes. (its not as though people are discussing their bipolar or BPD diagnoses is it?) depression and anxiety in some models would be seen as a logical response to living in chaos and beleiving you are trapped there.

This may be the place people feel safest to talk about things, where you know the "styles" of posters etc, this may be especially true if you have mental health issues and are therefore more fragile?? I have started to venture into the mental health forum, but it isn't as fast-moving as here.

Also, although I am happy to talk to other people with PND about PND or other people with social phobia/anxiety about that, my anxirty/depression that I had previously that directly related to AH/my living situation: well, I'd like to talk about that with other peopl who have lived with an alcoholic and had depression/anxiety, not necessarily with people with addiction problems and depression/anxiety (does that make sense??).

The "cure's for alcoholics" stuff, shouldn't be here IMO, but I can understand why F&F's would post it here: given our particular difficulties and other-focussed-ness!!

However, I am sure there are rules and whatever they are I am happy for them to be gently enforced. I'm just not that bothered by seeing other things here (as long as its not overwhelming)
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Old 01-28-2009, 08:15 AM
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I visit several different forums and have never been asked to limit myself to just one or made to feel unwelcomed. I find a wealth of info in all the forums I visit.
And its a good thing that we have many people entrusted to be greeters, that way newcommers are sure to be welcomed in a timely manner.
It's a large site and since the Mod's have the tools and knowledge to make changes it only makes since to limit that to the most trusted of the volunteers.
Thank You Mod's and Greeters

Linda
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Old 01-28-2009, 08:24 AM
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I, too, have some serious concerns about this, which I will share with you privately, Cats.
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Old 01-28-2009, 08:32 AM
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Thanks Ceridwen for your input and I understand where you are coming from.

For a bit of background, I also have suffered with mental health issues, I have posted in the mental health forum. So although it is slower paced than this one, there are people there who can relate to you in that specific way and pace will never pick up there if everyone posts elsewhere lol!

That forum has been set up specifically around that issue and as a result has guidelines and forum 'rules' relating to mental health issues. This forum does not hold such threads as a guide to posters as it is a forum specifically for F&F support.

I understand the two cross boundaries with each other for many people, yet I am put off by people discussing which drugs they are prescribed and listing names of different medications relating to illnesses. None of us are doctors and I think it is potentially dangerous to comment on meds - something which is regulated and moderated in the mental health forum, but not here!

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Old 01-28-2009, 08:38 AM
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Lilyflower,

You could say that your own thread was off target then. We could say that this is a conversation you should have taken to the moderators.( And if someone doesn't know how to get them is all they have to do is but ask someONE here) But I wouldn't and i won't becasue i view it as you working through your critical thinking and how you are dealing with your feelings. So see, we are back on target.

Now , the same is true of those other threads as maybe they don't apply to you but someone here may be dealing with a suppose who has taken that health route , or some here may be reading these thread who never has understood the high percentage of cross over between the alcoholic and other disorders, or who better to have thoughts and opinions about "new cures" then the people here who have dealt and educated themselves on alcohlics and alcoholism and have unofficial PH.Ds.

It all ends up on topic. It all gives food for thought and growth opportunity. It reveals another aspect to the diversity of the heart and mind of that poster in our community here.

That's my 2 sense(cents) to you and the moderator who will be reading this.

love tammy
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Old 01-28-2009, 08:46 AM
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Originally Posted by resentful wife View Post
I visit several different forums and have never been asked to limit myself to just one or made to feel unwelcomed. I find a wealth of info in all the forums I visit.
And its a good thing that we have many people entrusted to be greeters, that way newcommers are sure to be welcomed in a timely manner.
It's a large site and since the Mod's have the tools and knowledge to make changes it only makes since to limit that to the most trusted of the volunteers.
Thank You Mod's and Greeters

Linda
Linda,

I feel you miss represent my ideas by this. I am not ''taking shots'' at the mods or greaters here, if you have assumed my intent was to make myself an enemy of the hard working volunteers that help run and monitor this site, you are mistaken.

I am happy that you have been welcomed into other forums, may I ask which ones you have posted in? I appreciate that one persons experience does not account for all experiences and as I have said and will say again; this thread was to get a feel for the consensus around the forum to see if other people were feeling like me, nothing else.

I wholeheartedly agree that the mods/greaters/admins work exceptionally hard across the boards here.

I also think it is great that we have so many greaters - again I was not knocking this, on the contrary!

I did suggest we could have more moderators if things are getting busy - nothing malicious or two faced about that. All the moderators here began as posters like me and you! I see many people posting on this forum who have a wealth of recovery, strength, knowledge, kindness and compassion. Wouldn't you agree that makes a good mod? As for skills and tools - Everyone has to learn somewhere, if greaters don't graduate to moderators, or new moderators are not appointed from the long lived members how do we evolve??? Skills are learnt and grown, tools are your computer with a few extra options available to you as a moderator - that does not mean it is necessary to have a limit on the number available.

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Old 01-28-2009, 08:51 AM
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Oh and I do admit I am new to this website but i have been posting on computers for quite a few years and i have lived with addiction since I was born. And then there is the fact that I love people and the diversity of each individual :-) Newbies have opinions and feeling too.

Thanks for serving moderators!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 01-28-2009, 08:59 AM
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As you can tell, I am very new to this also. I have been given a lot of insight on the problems of living with an AH. I hope I can always come here with a question and if this is not the correct place for posting it, you all will point me in the correct direction. Thanks to all of you who have helped me with my recovery and honestly answered me with the truth and sometimes the hard truth as to what I needed to know.
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Old 01-28-2009, 09:06 AM
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Originally Posted by MeHandle View Post
Lilyflower,

You could say that your own thread was off target then. We could say that this is a conversation you should have taken to the moderators.( And if someone doesn't know how to get them is all they have to do is but ask someONE here) But I wouldn't and i won't becasue i view it as you working through your critical thinking and how you are dealing with your feelings. So see, we are back on target.

Now , the same is true of those other threads as maybe they don't apply to you but someone here may be dealing with a suppose who has taken that health route , or some here may be reading these thread who never has understood the high percentage of cross over between the alcoholic and other disorders, or who better to have thoughts and opinions about "new cures" then the people here who have dealt and educated themselves on alcohlics and alcoholism and have unofficial PH.Ds.

It all ends up on topic. It all gives food for thought and growth opportunity. It reveals another aspect to the diversity of the heart and mind of that poster in our community here.

That's my 2 sense(cents) to you and the moderator who will be reading this.

love tammy
Thank you Tammy,

My thread could be viewed as off target as you say, you could indeed look at this and say 'well her thread does not stick to the support for F&F' and I appreciate your view point and find it interesting.

I agree with you that these different subjects bring diversity and food for thought. I too see much growth in the members I have seen come here and who have shared my journey since joining a year ago.

May I ask you then, why do you suppose we have separate themed forums? My view on this is that each forum has it's speciality and focus so that the people who post there will have the opportunity to do so within an environment condusive to the type of support they require.

If the walls between forums are breaking down, it concerns me that the potentiality is there for all forums to become enmeshed in one another, that there will not be this specific focus and that posters may not feel ''safe'' to post or vent their frustrations.

You may say/feel that this is not what is happening here, but I ask, if the different focuses between the forums is not held in the early stages, then were do you draw the line? Again I will also say, you are relatively new, and I assure you things are a hell of alot different now than they used to be, I feel it, I can see from this thread that other people do too.

As I have said in a previous post, I have contacted a mod in pm about this, and I raised this thread as a consensus to see if I was alone or if other people were privately thinking the same things.

Thank you for sharing with me and joining in with what has now become a very interesting debate!

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Old 01-28-2009, 09:07 AM
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Originally Posted by MeHandle View Post
Newbies have opinions and feeling too.
No one said nor assumed you didn't.

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Old 01-28-2009, 09:15 AM
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Lilyflower,

Just a light hearted comment, really, to the moderators. It was not a response to any assumed thoughts of posters or any statement made. Were you assuming?:-)

I want to respond to your question here but i have to run so I will get to it tonight, maybe this afternoon.

love tammy
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Old 01-28-2009, 09:22 AM
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Thanks Tammy for clarifying! I am glad you are not offended, which I thought you may have been and which was why you made the light hearted comment.

I am a very straight forward person, I try to not say things that do not come from my true core self and that may be misconstrued by other people, so I like to make others aware that I mean no offense if they sound offended.

Have a good day

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Old 01-28-2009, 09:31 AM
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If you voice your concerns to a MODERATOR any MODERATOR in a PM, not only do you get a VERY QUICK response, but an answer and many times the 'offending' thread is removed.

Re: The Cardiologist thread. There was one started in the "Alcoholism" forum several weeks ago, and I voiced concerns at that time to MG as it was 'medical advice.' And it was removed.

When it appeared here, not knowing who the moderator was, Sorry Cat, lol I voiced those same concerns to Ann from F&F Substance Abuse, she responded immediately, forwarded it, and as you can see it is gone.

Mental health posts I can understand, as many alcoholics and/or addicts DO HAVE mental health problems in addition to addiction.

However, as the rules of this site do NOT ALLOW medical advice, and to me that was medical advice, I will send a moderator my dissatifaction.

I have to tell you all, that I don't protest often, but when I have to ANY moderator of this site, not only have I gotten a very quick response, but the issue was usually settled VERY FAST.

J M H O

Love and hugs,
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