thecat3

I am still in shock and disbelief on how can such happen to me. I never seen alcohol problems in my family (parents, grandparents, relatives)

So people do quiet, so is there hope?

Yes I did believe him every time...somehow....for now I am still hopefull. No, I dont want to tolerate alcoholism but i am in love

steve11694

That pattern is called "binge drinking" the time between binges progressively decreases and can become daily drinking. At the same time cognitive and physical function also deteriorate. etoh is omnitoxic on the cellular level, though certain organs get hit harder; liver, heart, brain.
The paperback book called "Love First" Jeff Jay will educate you tremendously and is an easy fast read. All about understanding it and about intervention.
PS; health care professionals don't last too long since their colleagues are pretty good at recognizing dependence problems.

thecat3

I believe there are 2 roads, I am still hopeful that he will choose the right path.

brundle

Thecat3,
You asked lots of good questions, then you didn't want to really hear any bad answers. So I'm not going to give you any others.

If you do want advice; you should go to Al-Anon. It might not feel like you need it. Keep going until he stops drinking and then a little after. It will help. I promise.

Hugs.

Barbara52

Educating yourself on alcoholism and on your own issues in dealing with alcoholism is a great place to start. Once you have information you can think things out rationally rather than emotionally.

One thing to keep in mind is that you didn't cause this, you can't control this and you can't cure this. Only your AH can choose to admit to his alcoholism and seek sobriety.

thecat3

Brundle,

thanks everyone, I really mean it...knowing that there are others like myself somehow is comforting.

Maybe I don't want to hear bad stuff, perhaps you are right, but on the same note I still have hope perhaps some people do get better, no?

thecat3

thanks again, we have 4 weeks of sobriety so far

denny57

When you say "we" do you mean you're also attending Al Anon? Is he in a program of recovery - there are others besides AA.

I spent a lot of time (18 years) hanging my hopes on his drinking or not drinking. It's not a great way to live a life.

Keep posting!

FormerDoormat

When I wanted to understand the disease of alcoholism and its effects on others--why alcoholics drink, why their partners stay in an unacceptable situations for so long, do alcoholics ever recover, do their partners ever find happiness sticking it out--then I had to be willing to listen to the good AND the bad. Shielding myself from the truth was unhealthy and it never worked for long.

It's up to you to decide what the truth is, but if you search for only success stories and happy endings you'll be living a life and making choices for yourself based on half-truths and misinformation.

thecat3

"we" I am reffering to our family (husband, son, 3 cats and I as support group) I do not have this addiction that's why it's harder to understand him.

thecat3

I agree with you, many valid points, but at this point I think he has a chance just like any other addict to get better. I think the belief in the better makes us going. He so far was able to be a winner of many things, such as getting scholorship in school, being in top of his class, along with winning athelete award in firefighter academy. If he can win and be good at it, perhaps he may have a chance to win this too?

If I would not be as hopeful, I am really not sure how our relationship would turn out....why should someone put up with it? life is too short. it would not be fair to me and our newborn baby

FormerDoormat

I agree, why would anyone put up with the chaos someone else's alcoholism brings into their lives? So, why do you put up with it? If your life is perfect, why are you here? I ended up here because I was absolutely miserable.

thecat3

I don't know why someone does put up with alcoholism. I would also like to find out how do you find the strength within yourself to do it?

I just realized that my husband has this problem and I have been searching for forum to communicate and share with others. I did think my life was perfect before, I didn't realize how severe of a problem this is. I thought this was social drinking, perhaps I viewed his drinking as social such judging my husband according to my standards, which are drinking socially with girlfriends having 2-3 cocktails and chatting the nite away.

If my life to be perfect perhaps it may not bring me to this forum. Newly married and with newborn at my side, confused of this newly discovered problem perhaps this is not my ideal of perfect life, sorry.

thecat3

in addition, maybe even more painful is that as a nurse myself having some of my clients on the floor as alcoholic even more painful to see this at home, doesn't everyone deserve happiness?

Ago

No need to be sorry, the advice you have received thus far from the the women who have lived with this in their lives, is to learn how to deal with it and learn how to have an "ideal" life by not relying on others for your happiness.

Everyone does deserve happiness, and I'd like to reiterate by going to alanon, therapy or doing some other "work" on ourselves and learning to focus on ourselves is how we achieved this.

DII

Cats, my AW is a successful and awesome personal trainer. She is in great shape and works out as part of her job....but is a sick alcoholic! Everyone will tell you that alcoholism is not prejudiced, it affects all races, sex and profession. The first step is him admitting he has a problem and is powerless to control it.

thecat3

I read in a book that there are different approaches, and not necesarily need to admit to be an alcoholic. For now he staying sober as of Nov 29,2008, hoping this period will last forever

embraced2000

i truly hope so,cat. in the meantime, al-anon will help you tremenously with expectations that you may have for your husbands sobriety.

they say relapse is a very normal part of recovery. they can help you be prepared for this and many other things. they teach us not to hang all our hopes on the alcoholic in our lives, but to have hopes and dreams for ourselves, so that a relapse just belongs to him, and not to us.

brundle

Hi again Thecat3! Sober from November is great!!! I think it is really good that you are still looking for some answers. I like everyone else don't want you to feel discouraged. You don't ever have to be sorry here.

We do push for YOU to go to Al-Anon and get help; read books. I know it's kind of unfair, but alcoholism makes you and eventually your kids sick too! I remember thinking: "he's the sick one, why do I need help?" The sooner you do it the better off you'll be. Since we've all have been through this for years (lots of years) that's why we tell you that. It will give you and your hubby the best possible chance.

You asked if people get better and the answer is: YES...but it is lots of work... and if your here you know that addiction can have a powerful hold over some people. All of us hoped and dreamed. We all fight the war with addiction. Some have come out bloody and bruised; but with their families in tact. Others (many of us) have to be counted as casualties of addiction. I lost my first husband to it; it looks like my second is headed that way. I'm leaving him, what he will do in the trenches alone will be up to him. It's taken me most of my adult life to be this honest about these things. I'm 40 now, I was 18 when I married my first addict.

I will be praying and hoping for you.

denny57

Something very important I learned is, if I'm going to believe what read in one place because I like hearing it, I need to consider something I read that I don't like may be equally true.

Hope is not a plan. Hanging my hopes on someone else's choices is not something I will do again.

Keep posting!