inahaze

I've thought about the idea of leaving for years and have done so, only to return.

I find myself giving serious, serious consideration to it this time around for a few reasons.

1. I tried talking as an adult only to have it thrown in my face as ammo.

2. I tried expressing my grief at a dear friend passing away, that didn't work to well either.

3. His last melt down was in front of my 11yr old cousin. Yeah, I know it's bad in front of my kids, I guess I'd come to accept it as life for me/us. I've been on edge ever since because I'm worried about his mom, my aunt, saying something about it. What if he never wants to spend the night again? Not that I wouldn't blame him.

4. My daughter had a very serious discussion with me about why we should leave. That AH doesn't like being talked back too, that she doesn't like the way that he talks to me. She even said it's not like you were being a B***CH mom, you were just trying to talk.

5. I hear rumors of him with other women and he warns me that someone might call saying he's been with another woman. Funny thing is, until he had that GF he rubbed in my face, I NEVER would of thought him a cheat. Now, now I just never know what to believe. My gut says he's doing something, I just can't find solid proof.

6. He didn't want me to invite my parents to my daughters b-day because he wanted it to be us and 2 of her friends, instead he suggested I have another little party at their house. I said okay, but then he invited more kids, his mom and his beer drinking bud showed up with 2 cases.

I know for a lot there's a defining moment, in front of my baby cousin acting like an idiot...unacceptable.

blessed4x

I started a thread a long time ago asking the same thing I think you are. Wanted to know if it was a process or an event that finally made people end it. I think I've discovered for me it's the total inability for my AH to get outside of himself. I honestly believe my children are less self-centered than him......yes even the 2 teenagers!

There's also a lot of subtle emotional abuse (well, I say subtle, but probably not) going on. Stuff like waking up the dog, getting her riled up, then yelling at her and putting her in her crate for barking. Another example....tonight he told our 4 and 5 year old he was going to put a sign outside for santa not to stop, and actually wrote one up. I came up from wrapping presents (can you say procrastination?!) because they were wailing, and that was why.

I had become numb to this kind of thing, assumed it went on in everyone's home. It doesn't, and it won't in mine any longer. Being here and listening to those who grew up in homes like mine has helped me understand what I have allowed. Unfortunately so much damage is done. Fortunately, I can do something about it.

coyote21

That's criminal.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

Ago

My father did some awful stuff when I was young and nothing he did even approached that.

It takes what it takes, it's up to you to decide what it takes.

(((inahaze)))

IO Storm

I notice your concern ..the "defining moment" is that he did this in front of

your baby cousin. You worry what others may think or say about it.

Is it that others now know how he acted towards you...or were they aware?

What about your concern for yourself, and your daughter. You live with this stuff..day

in and day out. The gut wrenching anxiety...the wondering about other women.

Mind games.

I feel for you, haze..it was if I was addicted to the anxiety.

Wasted hours, wasted years..wondering. It wasn't worth it.

But..when you are in it..it is hard to see the forest for the trees.

And manipulators know how to pull fast ones.

I've been through all that..and I am done with it.

I'd rather have peace as I do now...I can breathe.

Good luck!

Merry Christmas, and hugs.

Spiritual Seeker

May you have strength, courage and hope that you can do whatever it takes to make your life more joyful in 2009. You're worth it.

miss communicat

my wish for you for christmas is courage, strength and faith that will carry you forward into a new beginning.

veryrestless722

blessed4x-- if my xah would have done something like that sign to santa then he would have had that sign up his a** thats just cruel

im not sure what my defining moment really was, could have been him rubbing his girlfriend in my face and just how utterly cruel it was, or him choosing another woman over his son, or him calling and informing me he was going to stay in contact and i had no choice, or telling me he couldnt make a decision yet on whether to stay married or not

i have so many things that could be labeled as my defining moment, but overall i simply got tired of all his bullsh*t and didnt want that life anymore, and one of the biggest things is him not being a good father, i have no respect for a man who doesnt step up and take care of his child, so i dont know what finally gave me the strength but im just glad i finally got it and got rid of him

brundle

I have wanted to leave but didn't push it hard until he did some things that I can't have my son's 17 year old girlfriend in my home when he's here. Then I knew it was time.... So I've been forcing myself...

Now tonight (Christmas) I'm alone because I went to sit with my mom who was watching her baby sister die and instead of helping out with the kids or drive me (the hospital is an hour away), he went to his AS house so he could party and drink. I think that just shows how far gone and how selfish he is... or maybe I'm just crazy... Whatever it is... I can't do this anymore...

So I have two moments...Does that count?

weepy

Mine was when I realized he could lie to me and then get defensive about it, as if it were my fault. So, when I could no longer trust I walked away...

RobinsFly

I think when young people (babies, kids, teenagers) are involved.

It's one thing when AH drinking affects me and the marriage -- but get the safety and emotional health of my kids involved, and the buck stops there.

You simply reach a breaking point.