JerseyGirl

I totally agree......life is about give and take....it is your turn to accept some help.

:praying

bluejay6

I am so sorry. I understand that feeling of numbness and defeat.
I know it might be hard for you to get out and go places right now, but I so very much believe in the power of meetings, Al-Anon meetings, to heal, to lift the spirit. There is something about the coming together of hearts in a small room that changes us.

When I was going through my worst year, I went to Al-Anon every day. I work at home and don't have to go out and commute like other people. But for a year, Al-Anon was my "job"! And I can't tell you the difference it made, knowing I had something to look forward to, people I genuinely liked, and feeling proud of myself for what I was giving to my life. God meets us halfway if we can supply some effort, too.

If you are in a small town and Al-Anon meets only once or twice a week, local churches have all sorts of daily meetings of people looking to grow in spirit. You would be warmly welcomed.

If you are able, an evaluation for major medical depression would likely be a good thing. If medication is not available because of your circumstances, then if you read up on it, through library books or online, you will find useful information about additional ways you can address it. Anything you can do to help combat the plummeting serotonin and endorphin levels will make a tremendous difference. And you know what? I think Al-Anon can be a major part of that.

If you have medical depression, you must believe me, it has a beginning and it has a conclusion. And you must promise yourself and God that you will stay alive and put one step ahead of another step and you will work your way back to the light of life. And after you do, I promise, you will then want to turn around and help others who have fallen into darkness. It takes woundedness to create a healer.

Please keep posting and reading, as you hold on. Every day moves you further toward better days.

Please go to as many Al-Anon meetings as possible and let them love you.

embraced2000

i was able to speak to a member of this forum, who so graciously gave me her number. that conversation really started a spark within me. you know who you are, and thank you so much!

thanks to deserteyes, i decided to focus on my feet for the week. i used a file to trim the nails because i'm afraid of nicking with clippers, soaked them, then after a thorough exam, slathered them in body butta and put on some heavy socks. no more going bare footed. so thanks to mike and my phone call friend for that suggestion.

baby steps. those will lead to what i have to do. the depression feels like a huge cold heavy blanket even with all the meds for depression that i take.

i made the apnt. for the exam. and am anxiously awaiting the date.


thanks to all of you .......i don't know how i could handle all of this without you all.
love to all
jeri

Pajarito

Oh I'm so glad to hear you are doing some positive things to feel better! I read through this post worrying about you. I really hope you can find some answers soon and will continue to do little things to take care of yourself. You are in my prayers. . . ((()))

hopeangel

thinking about you. sending healing prayers your way!!! (((hugs)))

embraced2000

i got my initial blood work back....my aic (a measure of what your blood sugar has been for the past 3 months) was 5.1......which is excellant.

tests for lupus and rheumotoid was neg.

so now i have four specialists to visit.....a physical therapist to test my fibromyalgia, a rheuomtoid specialist for further tests, an eye md for the problems with my eyes, and a neurologist for my other symptoms.

it feels good to start to take care of myself again.

have you ever noticed how one doctor begats another doctor, who begats another doctor and so on?

since i have no insurance and no job, my family doc has arranged for me to be put on a special program that the local docs have that they, themselves fund. they set aside a certain amount of their personal earnings to help those that need help. how great is that?

they are a group of mennonites that do so much for the community.

during all the processing, they explained that different hospitals may have programs that will help also.

i'm so grateful.

afterthought......this group of mds also put out a huge garden for people to tend to and use the harvest. they call it the jubilee garden.

DesertEyes

(((((( hugs )))))) Jeri

wow, what a relief, that is awesome news

* lmao * You are so right. Last time I counted, me entire team added up to _50_ docs!!! Every one of 'em has a finger in my pie I only see a half dozen on a regular basis, but all the other ones sneak in from time to time. We oughta start a "doctor trading club" on eBay. I'll give you two of my docs for one of yours

sounds like your HP is looking after you

So what are you doing special for _you_ today? Me? I've been taking naps all evening since I got back from work. Been way tired these last few days so instead of pushing it and going to a meeting tonite I just crawled into bed for a nap.

Mike (((( more hugs )))))

embraced2000

mike, i've tried to send you a pm, but can't get it to post.

so i will post here and hope you see it.

i'm so bummed right now. i have applied for disability with an attorney that specializes in disability....big, out of this world office in downtown louisville. he assures me he can win this for me (i think they all say that), says they win 98% of all cases, blah blah blah.

so today, i get a full time job offer with benefits delivering and selling equipment for disabled folks.

problem is, i work for 30-45 minutes and i fall into the deadest sleep imaginable.

attorney says it may take6 mo. to 2 yrs to get my disability. i'm being tested for ms next week.

i have to survive financially. i just don't know what to do. i don't think i can survive 2 years of total poverty. and i don't think i can work full time, either.

i wish i was a bat in a cave. now, they can survive.

any pearls of wisdom or suggestions? from anyone?

prairiegirl

My heart goes out to you too and I will send loving thoughts and energy your way so that you are able to take whatever is the next right step for yourself. Going on disability may be what you need for a short period of time; it doesn't have to be forever but maybe it's exactly what you need to give yourself that break from worrying. In my life I've taken a couple of stress leaves and a short term disability leave. I just firmly believe that sometimes we just need a break from the anxieties of life. You have paid your dues all your working life and now you need some support and that's what it is there for. It doesn't have to be forever; you just need to trust that you'll go back to work when the time is right. For now it sounds like you need to focus on you, getting well and feeling strong again. Just do whatever you need to do to nurture yourself. We are all here for you!

Jadmack25

In my thoughts and prayers Embraced, and glad you have spoken to someone from here (God bless them) and feel a bit better in yourself. I know how pain and illness can sap our strength and push us down, then when we are down there, all our problems seem so big and insurmountable.

I have been bewildered by the number of people on SR who have medical and mental problems and seem to have trouble getting help from Drs and hospitals, if they are on low incomes. At least here in Australia, we have medicare cover for all, and can access help from all public hospitals with no cost. I had my cataract surgery in Oct and the next eye will be done in Jan, neither operation has cost me a cent, and I was attended by a specialist consultant.

I have to leave my unit in January, as I can't afford to pay the higher rent asked for it. Have nowhere to go as there are no places for rent here, due to the nearby mines and the need for housing for miners families. No Housing commission places available either, and I am rather afraid. I will not be able to use my computer to access SR or email family and friends, or phone my 97 year old mum daily for who knows how long. Due to heart trouble I must be near Dr, ambulance or hospital and my family are miles from these, so can't stay with them. May have to store my gear and sleep on sofa at abf's place, but that doesn't appeal as I lose my independence then and have to keep to his house rules.

Please God, don't take too long to help me. I don't want to be a 64 year old bag lady.

God bless you, Embraced

LaTeeDa

My advice is talk to the attorney about taking the job. It may well be that it could help your case. But also talk to your doctor to make sure that it will not harm you to try it. Most companies have a "probationary" period, and if it turns out you cannot do a full time job, well it just might help prove your case.

(((((Jeri)))))

L

fluer

32 replies already! I would say you are not alone, and very cared about! You matter. I am sorry the clouds have moved in so fiercly on you. These dark times can be so hard, but I have a feeling you will rise again better, stronger, and wiser. Much love to you.

guiab

Let me be No. 33!
I can't add anything to the wonderful advice already posted, but I can give you my prayers
:praying

and my thanks for your wisdom.