finally changed my number

Old 12-09-2008, 02:55 PM
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finally changed my number

i finally just went ahead and changed my number im simply not dealing with my xah anymore

he called again last night, said he was at the salvation army, i wasnt aware they had a rehab program but i have no clue about that dont really care

i told him i didnt see any point in him calling me anymore especially after the last time i saw him (he claims he dont remember anything about that night) and said we share a son, im like it doesnt matter , what do you expect me to do sit and wait on you for the 6 months, i said what exactly do you want, i asked if he was still in contact with that girl and hes like thats my friend, i said well what do you want me to do, hes like im not making any decisions right now, i said does a marriage certificate mean anything to you, hes like yea it does but i dont know right now, im just like dont call me again im not answering and i hung up the phone, the idiot still doesnt want his family and hes supposedly been sober for over two weeks and he still is choosing this other woman

if you dont know you want your family now then i sure as hell aint going to be strung along for 6 months, ive told him over and over ill file for divorce and make visitations for if thats what he wants and he always says he just needs time, he cant just be a man and let me go, he still wants his hook in, whats so hard about just saying you want to be with someone else and letting me move on, its not alcohol thats caused his problems hes just naturally a very cruel person i just never seen it, even sober he wont admit to what hes done or be a man and take care of his family

im so tired of dealing with him so i changed the number and he has no way of getting in touch with me, the girl can have him and they both can leave me alone, ive got 6 months now to get myself straight and out on my own before he gets out of there and hopfully he wont be able to find me, he doesnt want his son his actions have proven that so theres no reason for him to contact me anymore or to know where i live

he thought i was just gonna sit there and talk to him like we were buddies and come up there for visitation, hes out of his mind and maybe now he will have a wake up call and realize im not going to be there for him anymore, im not going to be someones last option, me and my son deserve better, he didnt want to make a decision so i made it for all of us

i feel so much better now, i dont have to worry about screening my calls anymore, i dont have to hear any quacking from him, i dont have to know anything hes doing, and best of all i cant break down and ever call him cause i dont know the number to the place and he doesnt have his cell anymore, i feel like im finally free
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Old 12-09-2008, 03:55 PM
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Congrats on taking such a strong step for yourself!
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Old 12-09-2008, 04:01 PM
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Reading the thread title made me smile. Good for you!
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Old 12-09-2008, 05:09 PM
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Originally Posted by denny57 View Post
Reading the thread title made me smile. Good for you!
I smiled too! Good for you! You deserve so much better, gal! Give that precious baby boy a kiss on his soft cheek for me! :ghug
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Old 12-09-2008, 06:22 PM
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Big hugs for you and ben. You've come a long, long way.
And you might be amazed at how things start to get better now.
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Old 12-09-2008, 06:58 PM
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Good for you restless--
How is that bouncing baby boy of yours doing? Keeping you busy I am sure! I hope you are regaining your post-preggers strength - I have to say you are handling a lot and you sound very strong!! I know it can't be easy.
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Old 12-09-2008, 07:27 PM
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ben is fine course my mom has him spoiled so he wont sit or lay by hisself anymore unless hes completely asleep, i usually lay him in the bed with me til he falls asleep then put him in his bed, seems to work for now , i dont get much done anymore lol we have started taking walks when he cooperates, the nurse at my doctors office gave me a stroller, so hopefully i lose some weight

hes getting so big cause all he does is eat, i would say hes 9 or 10 pounds by now maybe more, but now he fits in his clothes finally

he actually slept 4 hours today, i was surprised and happy i got a long nap lol, hes been up most of the day and is still up and wont go to bed lol or rather he goes to sleep with me holding him but as soon as i put him down hes like you thought so and starts fussing but overall hes still a good baby, ive seen worse so im very lucky, but we are doing good im ready to get back to work and start saving money to get us our own place and all the other baby items he needs
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Old 12-10-2008, 07:02 AM
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Your strength, in light of your situation, really inspired me and last night I really needed that. Thank-you so much!

The day before, I received a call from my XAH, after not talking to him for the past 3 months. I now know why I haven't been picking up the phone when he called. I was afraid he would say more hurtful things and sure enough. It's taken me months to start to heal and get my strength back and I feel like he just knocked the wind right out of me with his words. He found it necessary to tell me he was never coming back but he wanted me to be his 'friend.' I had told him once before I wasn't his buddie and I didn't want to hear the details of his life. He still insisted on telling me how happy he was now that he was out of our 'dysfunctional relationship' and going to the bars every night and he doesn't have to argue with someone anymore. (Excuse me! Wasn't it because of the A in his life that we were having arguments?) The arrogance of this man and the need to make me feel bad all over again after a 3 month silence was astounding. And it worked for a day. But today I'm picking myself back up, dusting myself off and I'm going to keep walking in the opposite direction.

So I respect your courage and determination to cut yourself loose from playing second best. No one needs that, least of all you and your son. Your life can only get better and so can mine. Keep up the strength!
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Old 12-10-2008, 08:00 AM
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i feel you, i dont get why they feel the need to try and rub it in how "happy" they are now that we the crazy people are out of their lives, my xah is famous for telling me that now hes finally happy, if he was so happy then he wouldnt be trying to convince me that hes happy, and the wanting to be friends thing is just crazy, im your wife not your buddy, my xah just makes absolutely no sense or rather no alcoholic does
i got the same thing how these other friends and women dont fight with him and all i do is want to fight, hmm the reason they dont fight with you is they have no expectations of you, they didnt live with you and depended on you to help with the bills, if i just had a friend like that i wouldnt fight with them either but hes too da*n dumb to see that
ive spent 7 years dealing with him and i guess i just finally got tired of it all
best thing you can do is not to listen to him anymore, if hes so happy now then he should go be happy, you dont need him as a husband or a friend
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Old 12-10-2008, 08:04 AM
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Congratulations! That was a huge step toward making a better life for yourself and your son.
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Old 12-10-2008, 08:52 AM
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Good for you!!! thats liberating, isnt it. and you dont have to stare at the phone or obsess over when hes going to call or what more hurtful things he could say (atleast in my case) this also prevented me from trying to call him because i didnt want to lose the power.

i cant say it didnt hurt to change my number. it hurt knowing it was one of the few numbers he had by heart, i had the same number for 8 years - the same length of time wed been "trying". it symbolically said i was moving on with my life without you in it. it was hard, but it is empowering and its nice to have a number where the people who are calling are the people you gave the number to because you want them to call. nows a great time to lose other numbers too!

you go girl. stay strong. its inspiring. the power is in this moment!
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Old 12-10-2008, 02:14 PM
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thanks everybody!!
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