kingston

Thank you everyone for your sharing and help, this has been a very valuable lesson for me with for me very positive results.

My friend read my email and then called me at our regular time, prefacing that he knew I was very busy at work and didn't want to bother me. He apologized for being insensitive and overstepping - his reason? over enthusiasm. Also told me that he would never do that again and that when I am ready to pursue a more physical relationship to let him know.

We spoke very openly about sharing our feelings. I mentioned to him that this is not just about me and my wants/desires but his too. He is a widower who looked after his wife at home while she was sick and eventually died of MS. I reiterated that I will always try to be open and honest about what I was feeling and expected that he would be able to do the same. Is he able to accept this from me and return the same? He said yes and in fact would welcome it.

I would imagine that asking for what you need in a relationship is not a big thing for some people but for me it's huge. I have never had an open and honest relationship with anyone (married an raving A so you know what I'm talking about). I've always put my needs last and worried about the other person first. Not now.

I'm very proud of myself for being in a place that I am comfortable not only recognizing what I need but explaining it. I decided that I would explain to him how I was feeling and why and not to apologize for my feelings. If he accepted this that would be fine if not, well that was ok too, I would not feel bad about myself or him.

So a huge learning experience for me. Again my thanks to everyone - K.

Lilyflower

Thanks for sharing this Kingston, reading about your experience is good for me too, as I have just stepped into the dating game again lol!

I too like you have not been very good at asking for what I want in a relationship so it helps me to read about how you decided to handle this.

Good luck to you in your new venture!

Love Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

justaboutus

Yea! I'm so glad he understands.

Now, don't make yourself look too pretty, because you'll drive the poor guy completely nuts.

cagefree

Kingston - you are an inspiration

It has been a difficult thing for me to learn - communicating to others that when they do "this", I feel "this".

I agree - so easy for some - so difficult for me to learn. I believed for so long that what I wanted came last, was irrational, invalid and full of self doubt. When you don't believe in yourself, it's hard to believe your feelings should matter.

Thanks again for posting!

GiveLove

Kingston, you're an inspiration as always. It's great to have a front row seat to your awesome recovery efforts.

:ghug3

Tarheel

Kingston,

This sounds like a great start to your new relationship.
Congratulations!!!!!

TH