queenteree

Hi all,
I haven't posted in a while, and alot has happened (but no sense going into that drama!). I left for many of the same reasons alot of other leave for a while. I thought the responses were, at times, too insensitive, too judgmental, etc. Responses like "it seems like you're addicted to drama" or "venting doesn't solve anything, action does" and things like that, I took as "know it all", insensitive and totally "not understanding" of what "I'm going thru". You all know the drill, I was the "victim" and nobody understood that!!! It was easy for you to say (as if none of you had lived it!). Well, one day it dawned on me. You are all so right! I was addicted to the drama, the stupid codie/alkie dance, the ridiculous conversations w/the A that can go on for hours and never get anywhere other than to get me aggrevated. I would constantly come here and vent, do nothing, just "woe is me", call close friends, vent to them, do nothing, "woe is me" again. What did I want?? Everyone to feel sorry for me? To give me ideas? Probably in the back of my mind, I wanted one person to tell me how right I was to stay and stick it out. That things would/could change. Then I could be like "there, I did what I was supposed to, stay!" I don't know what I wanted then, and I can't believe my thought process at that time, but I know what I want now. I want peace and serenity, and to be treated the way I deserve to be treated (and it certainly wasn't the way AH treated me). I realized then that the only way I was gonna get that was to hand it over to my HP, accept His will and what is, instead of trying to make it the way I want it to be. I took a moral inventory of myself and realized that what I took as insensitive responses were really the truth that I didn't want to face. Nothing changes if nothing changes. And something had to change. I remember reading somewhere once that once you turn things over to your HP, and really really have faith that He will take care of you, that is when miracles happen. And HP saw to it that it did! Remember I was all afraid for financial reasons? Well I handed it over to HP, and yes, I am struggling, but I am making it. I have found a new strength and belief that I have never experienced before, and I really want to thank all of you for being a part of that for me. And to the newbies, please don't take the response to heart, try to look within yourself and see if it rings a bit of truth for you.

Barbara52

:ghug3

It is so good to see the strength and personal growth in your words! Congratuations on doing what you need to do to provide yourself with the life you deserve.

LaTeeDa

Hey QT,

Good to 'see' you back. You know, it's been said many times, we all get there when we get there.

So happy for you. The adventure of life awaits you!

L

juju

All I can say is wow! What strength you have. Thank you for that. I hope to have that same strength one day.

juju

lizw

I think I 'joined up' here when you were away but You Go Girl!!!
A big welcome on the road back to health, peace and sanity.

As I am finding out too, when I make friends with myself and care for myself, I get the life long romance, I've always been searching for...

Mair

Hi Queen T long time no hear, so glad you got there, oh i like good news.

Mair xxxx

peaceteach

Queen,

Thanks for your post. You know, everyone reaches these insightful moments in their own time (with their HP's help AND timetable as well). I know when I finally made the actual split, I realized I was totally powerless and nothing I did was going to CHANGE my exhusband. I was down pretty low at that point and made the decision to save my own sanity, job, and children. Sometimes on this forum I just want to reach through my computer, grab a newcomer by the arms and say "Honey, you don't have to live this way! You can skip all the garbage that we all went through if you just listen!" But I know that I wouldn't have listened either at that early point in my relationship, and that I did have to go through all the pain and agony of TRYING to make it work in order to truly learn the lesson that others already knew. Like kids, we don't like to take others' words for it; we have to learn the lesson ourselves, on our own time, in order to truly OWN that lesson and let it finally stick. We can say now that we look back that we wish we wouldn't have wasted those 5, 10, 25 years trying only to realize that nothing we did could help. But a lot of us had to LIVE the lesson instead of just reading about it from others and taking it as gospel. This is life. It is very powerful stuff. We gain great wisdom from our hands-on experience, the wisdom that finally convinces us that we did the best we could and now it is OKAY to walk away.

You sound wonderful, and I am glad you are here with this testimony. Hopefully newcomers will see a little of themselves in your words and realize that no one here feels superior or smarter. We are just trying to save another loving soul from the pain that we experienced. When I read the headstrong, listen-up posts of the wise members here, I KNOW THEY SAY these things with a loving, caring heart. It is a beautiful thing to want to help another person find serenity and joy in life. For me, THAT is what I find when I come here.

Spiritual Seeker

Thanks for returning to share with us.
We all have something to give and to receive.

RollerDerbyGirl

Thanks for sharing your recovery with us! It is so nice to see a positive post that encourages all of us. Don't get me wrong, I'm usually here to vent too. But it's inspiring to see progress. Good on ya!

prodigal

((((queen-t)))) BRAVO!!!!! You go, girl!!!! You had the guts to do it. Man, I'm sorry a million times over if I sounded cold and insensitive to you when you were hurting so bad. Believe me, I've been there. I, too, resented it when folks kicked me in the pants and gave me a hard dose of tough love.

Yeah, our HP really will get us through the junk when we hand it over to him. Thank you for posting. Please keep us informed as to how it's going for you. Again, bravo!

Lilyflower

Teree, I see so much personal growth in that post, it is so good to have you back posting! So good to hear that you are feeling and doing so much better! Thanks for popping back and sharing with us.

you are an inspiration, getting to where you are now is no easy matter, but we all get there when we get there!

love Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

lovtolaff

Ditto. Isn't it the strangest thing how alot of our stories are so much alike it's almost as if we were/are all living with the same person. Creepy.

I too would come here at first and think "no mine ISN'T like that" or "mine is different" - yeah whatever. It's the same ol, same ol and more than likely it's NOT going to change. But everyone is right - you will get your belly full in your OWN time and not a second sooner.

Best of luck to you and actually to all of us - STRENGTH, PEACE, AND POWER to everyone going thru this madness.

Janitw

Well you have experienced the long in coming....." Ahhhhhhhhhh Haaaaaaaaaa phase in all of this. Bravo. It took me what seemed like a million years to get to this stage but I finally did too. Its very enlightening isn't it? It's good to hear from you and stick around because you have soooooooooo much to share ok.

Hugs to you girl.

Janitw

Tazman53

queenteree I have not been on this forum for a long time, I came here hoping to see how you were doing. Looks like my HP and yours keep in touch! LOL

Sounds like you have had a spiritual awakening!!!!

It sounds as though you are free!!!! Spread your wings and soar, breath, live you deserve it!

Lilyflower

Oh my!! its like an SR reunion in here! Hey Taz, how ya doing?! Good to see you!

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

queenteree

Thank you all for replying. And yes, Taz, our HP's must keep in touch, cause I kinda couldn't wait to tell you about this (how are you doing BTW?).

Tazman53

Thanks for asking, I am doing well, living life on lifes terms, one day at a time, for the most part things are going pretty well, have a small legal battle with my HOA, but other then that things are what they are, good for the most part.

So if I am not being nosy have you moved out yet queenteree?

How are you doing Lilly? QT sure seems on top of the world right now.

WOW!!!! I just read you gave him the boot!!!! Good for you! I also saw he is in rehab again, I pray he has found his bottom, I am glad to see you are not letting him back in until he shows a track record of recovery.

Lilyflower

Thanks Taz I am doing really good, enjoying life and keeping my codie-ness in check!!

Good to hear you are doing well too, I hope your legal battle is settled quickly and in the best way for you! It is truely good to see you again posting, hope you stick around for a bit!

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Pajarito

I'm butting in on the reunion ;o) to say hi QT- I am so glad to hear you are doing well. I always drew strength from your posts- and this one takes the cake! I hope you'll keep us updated.

Tazman53

lily I have been posting quite a bit actually, just not here.

This forum I find drags me down, in so many instances me being a recovering alcoholic I know what some folks need to do with thier A, and I will share it and see them continue to let thier A put them through living hell...... it seems as though some folks when trying to deal with an active alcoholic have a much deeper bottom then most alcoholics.

This forum in so many ways just breaks my heart, it reminds me of the b@stard I was when I was out there, some of the things I did...... so many times I see here what I did not see when I was drinking.

I know the answer from the alcoholics side, I seem to be able to help alcoholics who are ready to be helped, but thier victims.............. well I need a sabbatical from the hell folks like me have brought to others.

I love all of you, I pray for you all, I pray that those that enable thier A when they think they are helping their A will see the light.

You all did not cause it.

You all can not control it.

You all can not cure it.

That is in our hands and our hands alone, the best thing that can be done for us is to be allowed to hit our bottom as hard and as quickly as possible, and that means no one helping us in any way, forcing us to face our problem head on all by our selfs.