Originally Posted by Lilyflower

Reach out to your family SadandHopeless, there is nothing for you to feel ashamed of at all!! They probably know you are going through something, mine did.

This is his disease, all you have done is try to get your life back together, why should you feel badly about that?

I understand it is hard, making changes is never easy. I know from my experience and from what I have learnt in recovery so far that looking to myself and caring for myself first and foremost is the healthy thing to do. At first I thought it was selfish behaviour, but I soon realised that no one else out there was loking out for me, and to be honest, it wasn't their job to. I am an adult.

I used this realisation toward my ex, he was an adult and needed to take responsibility for himself. It wasn't my job to find him a AA group, or make sure he attended counselling. It wasn't my job to teach him how to take responsibilities either! It especially wasn't my job to get him sober.

All the time I spent doing those things for him, took me to a very low place where I was so miserable and felt exhausted, used lonely and unloved. i took his consequences away and enabled him.

i hope you talk to your family and keep progressing in YOUR recovery. Now that your AH has his tablets and is detoxing, he needs to take responsibility for his sobriety, that is not your job. I hope he gets into a recovery programme though as few make it without one. My exabf quit for weeks at a time, but always went back to it. Something would happen, go wrong, a party, a birthday, sometimes nothing at all would happen. he would always find a reason to drink again. I spent a year living on that roller coaster ride, before I finally knew I was done with it.

love and serenity to you
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Originally Posted by Lilyflower

Reach out to your family SadandHopeless, there is nothing for you to feel ashamed of at all!! They probably know you are going through something, mine did.

This is his disease, all you have done is try to get your life back together, why should you feel badly about that?

I understand it is hard, making changes is never easy. I know from my experience and from what I have learnt in recovery so far that looking to myself and caring for myself first and foremost is the healthy thing to do. At first I thought it was selfish behaviour, but I soon realised that no one else out there was loking out for me, and to be honest, it wasn't their job to. I am an adult.

I used this realisation toward my ex, he was an adult and needed to take responsibility for himself. It wasn't my job to find him a AA group, or make sure he attended counselling. It wasn't my job to teach him how to take responsibilities either! It especially wasn't my job to get him sober.

All the time I spent doing those things for him, took me to a very low place where I was so miserable and felt exhausted, used lonely and unloved. i took his consequences away and enabled him.

i hope you talk to your family and keep progressing in YOUR recovery. Now that your AH has his tablets and is detoxing, he needs to take responsibility for his sobriety, that is not your job. I hope he gets into a recovery programme though as few make it without one. My exabf quit for weeks at a time, but always went back to it. Something would happen, go wrong, a party, a birthday, sometimes nothing at all would happen. he would always find a reason to drink again. I spent a year living on that roller coaster ride, before I finally knew I was done with it.

love and serenity to you
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx