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New Here-At My Breaking Point

Old 06-20-2008, 11:36 AM
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New Here-At My Breaking Point

I guess I'm at my wits end and need to be able to talk with people who are going through the same thing as me. I found using forums like this very helpful as my husband and I struggled with infertility for 2 1/2 years.

I'm 31 years old, a brand new mom and the wife of a man who is addicted to Oxy. I'm not going to sugar coat it and say that an injury caused him to begin to use Oxy. He has always had an addictive personality, but has always been able to kick his vices (mainly pot) with a little help from counseling. In August of 2006 he hurt his back on vacation and was given some mild pain killers. When we returned from vacation and his prescription ran out a "friend" he worked with who was very heavily addicted to Oxy gave him some. He knew full well what he was getting into and just a few short weeks later was becoming dependent on it. I was oblivious!

At the time it had already been decided that we would be doing invitro fertilization in the summer of 2007. In February of 2007 he came clean to me about what was going on and admitted himself into outpatient Suboxone treatment. It seemed to have worked, we continued on with our infertility treatment and I got pregnant in June. In August he was laid off and shortly after relapsed. I was unaware of the relapse until about November when I found he had opened a credit card and maxed it out at $20,000.

He stopped using around Christmas, but relapsed again shortly after our son was born in March. He is a stress user I think because when **** happens he relapses. I found out 2 weeks before my due date that my department at work would be eliminated while I was on maternity leave. I got a good severance, eligibility for unemplyment and since I had $15,000 in my savings account that I had saved since getting pregnant neither of us were too worried. Apparently the stress of a new baby and being the sole provider was too much for him. In this 3 month period since our son was born my husband has been in 3 horrible car accidents, totalled 2 trucks and used so much money on Oxy that in order to pay our bills I've been forced to totally drain my savings. I'm afraid that any day now I will get a call that he is dead.

I have hit the breaking point literally! He has a great job that could support our family, but because of his addiction and the debt it has caused we are barely making ends meet.

He has no access to our bank account. All of his paychecks are direct deposited into an account with only my name. He has forged my signature many times and now the bank will return any checks that don't have my matched signature. There is also a block on the account on any check written to him. I also found out today that a doctor in our area wrote him a prescription last week for it! If I could find out that doctor's name I would turn him in in a heartbeat because my husband has NO REASON to take this drug.

I have been with him for 13 years and have gotten to the point that I would walk out the door TODAY if I could. I've always been very independent and strong willed, but not having a job right now and a son to support kind of leaves me feeling vulnerable. I've been to counseling on my own and with him and I've been to ALANON. I have a huge job interview next week and I've told myself that I will leave him for my son's sake if I get this job. He has told me I'm not helping him by walking out, but at this point it is about my son. I don't want him to ever suffer. I know the only way my son won't suffer at the hands of father's addiction is if he gets clean. I'm not so sure that will ever happen so I need to do what is best for him. It just sucks that this baby was so planned and so wanted for so long and now this!

My husband was a good man at one point and he could be the best dad, but this drug has taken him from us.
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Old 06-20-2008, 11:39 AM
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I'm sorry-I just realized I posted this at the wrong board.
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Old 06-20-2008, 12:20 PM
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There really isn't a "wrong board" so no worries. Many of us have loved ones who have multiple addictions.......alcohol and drugs. All in all it's the same......it's addiction and it creates chaos and pain in our lives.

Although my son is a drug user and alcoholic, his DOC is alcohol. His secondary DOC is pot. He has also used just about everything else out there but is "proud" that he has never stuck a needle in his arm. And I suppose that is a good thing.

Some of us hang out here. Others hang out in the F&F of Drug Users forum and some of us hang out in both. You can hang out anywhere you want to.

gentle hugs
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Old 06-20-2008, 12:28 PM
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That is interesting, my husband is proud that he hasn't ever stuck a needle in his arm as well. I guess I'm just a bit cynical because to that I think "Well, not yet anyway."

Thank you for your kind words!
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Old 06-21-2008, 08:33 AM
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"He has told me I'm not helping him by walking out,"

Have strength, and hopefully soon he will realize ~he~ is the only one that can help him. That is a choice he has to make, whether or not to help himself because noone else can do it for him. Good for you for all the steps you have taken to take care of yourself and your son.
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Old 06-21-2008, 08:47 PM
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mytwolabs

sadly what u describe is "par for the course" for addicts. they can lose lots of money in no time. they can be from any socio-economic background, uneducated, super educated, or anything in-between.
The lying, the excuses, rationalizations, etc etc is automatic.

Many people were abused as children though not 100% become addicts. My aw was not alcoholic for the first few years we were married. She did tell me she was physically abused as a child but luckily that was in the past and she overcame the past.
After she crossed the line from normal social drinking to alcoholism, the childhood abuse became a "handy justification for drinking" among whatever other "justification for a given day" was in place.

Like others have said, don't make yourself crazy trying to assign reason where there is none. Protect yourself financially and legally and try to learn as much as you can about addiction.

Big hug
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Old 06-21-2008, 08:50 PM
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Originally Posted by mytwolabs View Post
That is interesting, my husband is proud that he hasn't ever stuck a needle in his arm as well. I guess I'm just a bit cynical because to that I think "Well, not yet anyway."

Thank you for your kind words!

Addiction is addiction regardless of the route of entry/administration. needles only get in into the bloodstream faster and carry risk of infection.
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Old 06-21-2008, 08:55 PM
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"He has told me I'm not helping him by walking out,"

= who will enable me, who will cover up for me, who will be my caretaker so I can continue to use? if you leave.

Tragically, the above is how addicts perceive such a situation. The addiction has taken control of his brain/thought processes.
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Old 06-21-2008, 09:54 PM
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Twolabs: I also went through infertility. After years of trying and two miscarriages, I finally conceived and carried to term my twin boys. It is still crazy to me that after ALL that to have a baby and now I'm raising my kids myself! I firmly believe that God has a plan. Although this is not the path you would have chosen, all you have been through up to this point was to have your son. You have the best part of your AH right now in your little boy. No matter what happens, that won't change. Focus on you for now. AH will either get help or he won't. Either way, you need to protect you and your child.
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