Blondie

Yes, I've heard this before too. I've also heard my AH say that my counselor was a crazy nut and that I was a nut and a control freak, etc, etc, etc.

I've learned to tune all of that out and I know that I am not crazy or a control freak, etc, etc, etc. I was changing and setting boundries which made my AH very uncomfortable, so he started to try to make me doubt myself so things would go back to the way they were. I held my ground and kept my boundries. He did calm down and after about six months he started to accept the change (not like it, but accept it). He still tries the boundries once in a while, but I hold my ground.

Lilyflower

Its strange isn't it, A's all over the world come out with the same crap! Yep you guessed it - I had this too. They just gotta keep trying to wear you down, it's like they don't know what to do with themselves when you no longer tolerate the crap.

Hey Baileyboop - Welcome to SR. I feel for you, the deceit hurts so much. Good for you for kicking him out though. I hope you stick around and keep posting with us. Here's to you and your new found recovery!!!

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

baileyboop

Thank you. I have been reading for a while, but yesterday was my 1st post...

:ghug

lillianrivers

Though I'm not currently attend Al-Anon or any therapy, I too hear all the time how it's my fault. I **** him off so he drinks. I "run my mouth" so he gets mad, leaves, drinks, cheats...whatever. It's all my fault. It's my fault cause I left him six months into our marriage (a MAJOR mistake in every way) and so that is why he does the things he does. I'm "cold and don't talk" to him, so it's my fault. The kids stress him out, so it's my fault cause they don't listen.

The kicker was the other night when our friend said that since he recently took her truck for run to the scrap yard (at 1 p.m.!) and didn't come back until the next morning at 7:30 a.m. (said he "fell asleep" at a friend's house), then he should keep the kids one night so me and her could go out. He was "oh no, it don't work like that, if she (meaning me) wants to go out then she can find a sitter." If I want to go "out," not even to a bar, then if he doesn't go with me then he won't watch the kids. And I can't just "go out for cigs" and not come back cause he will leave them home alone. We share a house with my mom, but she doesn't watch the kids either...however, he'll just leave them here and not even tell her he is gone.

That just bugs me to no end. I have to deal with the kids AND his **** all the time. I dont get a break. I might get to go to the grocery store by myself or something, but if I'm going a friend's house, to visit my grandma in the nursing home (something I prefer to do alone so I can cry), or anywhere, I have to take the kids. One time it got brought up while he was drunk and his comment was "well, then you shouldn't have opened your f***ing legs then, b****!" That made me feel REAL good.

I know he won't get treatment. Already done court-ordered drug & alcohol classes (TWICE) to no avail. He's made it quite clear that he's not leaving unless I "throw him out" and that I need to just "get over" his drinking and ignorant behavior.

suki44883

So, how long are you going to put up with that, lillian? Sorry, I don't mean to come across as rude, but you haven't said one single good thing about your AH. I'm just wondering why you stay in the relationship.