AH Says I'm "Brainwashed"!!!!!
 

This is the best one I've heard!!!

AH thinks I am being "brainwashed" in my alanon mtgs. and in my therapist appointments.

AH thinks I am being "unreasonable" when I tell him I don't want him drinking around the kids or myself. He wants to know "how long" he has to do this. I say "forever", of course!!!!

AH feels that he is being handcuffed, and is tied to a ball & chain. In other words, now that his no-longer-enabling wife has put her foot down and has set boundaries he feels like he is in prison!!!

Oh, and the poor guy has lived with a "control freak" and an "overeater" for so many years (I'm not denying that I have done the above, and I'm working on it)!!!

He does not want to be told what to do or where to do it!

I can see in his eyes and hear in his voice that he truly believes everything that comes out of his mouth!!

The good news is that I don't believe everything that comes out of his mouth.

I'm so glad that I am starting my own business, continuing to see my therapist, taking good care of my children, and when the time is right, I will file for divorce...

Always feels good to get this "stuff" out.

Shivaya

Oh your poor baby Alcoholic Husband. Boo Hoo what a victim he is.

If it makes you feel any better they all say that they are cut from the same boring record.

Ngaire

Yup like most this what they do when they do not have anyone enabling them anymore! (Taking away their control and controlling your own life)

Most important you are doing for YOU and your children!

The start of your journey and you are doing great! :hug:

Shivaya

Perhaps you ARE being "brainwashed." Taken literally, it could mean "brain cleansed." So, perhaps agree with him?

warren

:c029:Wow so many of them say the same things..

I too was a "control freak" thats all I ever heard, until I quit trying to control the situation and detached and started focusing on me, then I became "uptight" and a "snob" because I wouldn't socialize with his addict friends.

Shivaya-glad you're not believing his BS!! Hang in there!:a194:

I've been anticipating this to come up with one of us... recently I was thinking about all the things I do to recover, literature, meetings, SR, etc. and I fully expect some people to accuse me of being brainwashed or taken from them by a cult.

You know what's right when you feel good about yourself and not putting up with the madness anymore.

I am continually struck by the astounding conceit of the alcoholic mind.

It says, "All of those millions of people who think they've found a better, more peaceful way to live through working a program of recovery must be crazy. I don't need anyone else to show me how to live or tell me what to do - I've got this stuff figured out! ..... Hand me a beer, will ya?"

So sad.

I am so sorry to hear this is happening Shivaya.

I guess most people do not want to admit what they have done wrong - but in this case he needs to wake up. You are not going to Al-Anon meetings for a hobby, or a place to hang out with friends.

You are going there because you realise that there is work to be done to enable a secure loving family.

I think he should be doing most of the work, but that is just my opinion as a relative newbie.

Oh hang on - something caught my eye:

"He does not want to be told what to do or where to do it!"

this rings alarm bells to me.

My brother said I'm brainwashed, now he tells people I'm brainwashing his son. One day I might tell him we don't even talk about him these days.

It is a force of nature unto itself - defying all laws of logic and reason - completely and utterly convinced that they are in the right when their whole world is coming unraveled. The human brain is remarkable!

This sounds so like my husband. He always says I'm a control freak when I dare to suggest he stops drinking.

You have the courage the change the things you can...yourself.
You AH is fearful of change and is projecting this onto you.
But smart gal that you are you know the reality.

Well My Dear Friends at SR,

I've got to say that I am eternally grateful for this website!!! Thanks to each and every one of you for your replies.

Warren, thank you so much for your genius opinion!! Yes, I suppose I am "cleansing my brain" and therefore my AH is correct about the brainwashing! If I only could have said that to him last night....not that it would have made a difference...

I'll use it if I ever get accused of being "brainwashed" again!

In my opinion...

:You_Rock_ ....all of you here at SR!


Shivaya

Ah yes, the more you change for the betterment of yourself, the more tantrums he will throw! :lmao

Good for you, and keep doing what you're doing! :ghug2

Well- hey, hey, hey, you must be doing something right!! The dynamic is changing - a little paradigm shift goin' on over at Shivaya's house!!
Steady as she goes!!!
Love and Peace-
B.

I've heard the same things- that I'm a control freak, that I'm trying to change him, that al-anon is a cult, I've been brain-washed, I don't know what I'm talking about. . . how amazing that they are so alike! Luckily I don't buy into any of his crap anymore- and thank God I don't have to hear it. I finally have peace in my house.

You sound so strong Shivaya! Keep on trucking!

It always amazes me how they seem to come up with the same accusations using the same phrases. HOW do they DO that?

Keep up the good work. You are working your program and that threatens the disease. It's very scary when they have to begin to take accountability for their own behaviors and the consequences of those behaviors. It's a heavy load for them and they have to try to shovel some of that weight off of their own shoulders. Good for you for not taking that weight onto your own. YOU rock!

gentle hugs

Alcoholics will manipulate and try to make you think YOU'RE the problem. This is what they do, so they can continue to drink. Next time, you hear that you are a control freak, just know that it is not your loving significant other, but his alcoholism talking. I think of it as Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. If he was sober, you wouldn't be hearing any of this ********.

I've been told I'm no fun, controlling, and that if I didn't do (fill in the blank), then he wouldn't go off binges. Total BS. Don't believe a word of it. Keep on doing what you're doing. Focus on yourself and stay strong. You're right. He couldn't be more wrong. No matter what he says, don't listen to him.

Yup nothing wrong with a good brain washing.
Kinda like a colon clense. We don't like it
but it feels so good when it's done.
YUK YUK YUK
I'm sorry some times I just can't help myself :Dance7::ghug2

I too have been accused of being a control freak. During the last 5 years of my marriage, I have endured 2 DWI convictions, 1 major, wreck, many, many , many binges-complete with the drugs and exotic bar stints, 1 90 stay in the treatment center(still paying for) at the hands of my AH. The final straw for me was last week. My AH left me for 6 months after a discussion on boundaries. I let him come back after a 90 stay in a treatment center and the contingency that I managed the money. (While he was gone, he let our house forclose and managed to rack up 60,000 + debt. This has been the arrangement for the last 18 months. I found out a few weeks ago that my AH cashed in his 401 K and opened a bank account in another town. Then, last week, he went on one of his "out of town business trips". When he returned and was sober, I calmly discussed some incidents that had come to my attention and let him know that was not acceptable. By the time, his next paycheck was suppose to be in the bank, I discovered he ahd removed the direct deposit from the hosue account and had it sent ot his new private account. I kicked him out that day and have filed for divorce. I'm through.