TDRinSoCal

Hello all. I'm new to the site and this is going to be somewhat of a long post but I want to give enough background to be able to get plenty of feedback.

I have what I believe to be an AH. For years up until 7 weeks ago he drank beer every single day from the time he got home from work until he went to bed. During the week it was nothing for him to drink 10-15 beers a night and on the weekends he would start drinking as early as 11:00 in the morning and would drink until he couldn't keep his eyes open anymore.

His drinking never interferes with his job, nor does it cause money issues, he doesn't drink & drive and he's not abusive. Over the past year I had noticed his drinking had increased. Right when I was on the verge of having a talk with him about his drinking, which I knew would not end well, out of the blue he just quit drinking. He never said a word about it, he just quit. Cold turkey. I was glad and didn't want to rock the boat so I just went with it.

He had a buddy over last Friday (who really is an alcoholic) and my husband started drinking again and he drank all weekend but quit again Monday. Since then he's had severe night sweats to the point I had to change the sheets & switch out his pillow in the middle of the night last night. Additionally, last weekend when was drinking he perceived something I did as something derogatory toward him, which was not the case at all, and he threw a beer can at me. He has never done anything like that before.

Could these things have something to do with his stopping and starting and stopping drinking? If so, what other changes should I be prepared for?

hbb

Hi and welcome to SR! Glad you found us.

My exabf (ex alcoholic boyfriend) quit drinking while we were together and he was an everyday drinker, all late afternoon to midnight. When he quit he had some sweats, bad dreams, craved chocolate, very edgy and went to be really early. I think there can be some different symptoms that effect some different than others.

As for the beer can throwing.....in my honest opinion that is unacceptable bad behavior, alcoholic or not. No excuse for that what so ever. That sounds like him disrespecting you, not a symptom of quitting drinking.

So sorry your going through this, keep posting and read the stickies at the tops of the forum, they really help :ghug3

Barbara52

I have no idea if stopping and starting could be a factor or not. But this statement jumped out at me.

Why are you the one doing this instead of him?

I hope you stay around and keep posting. This place can be ever so helpful.

FormerDoormat

My feelings exactly!

hope2bhappy

My AH would become very, very ill if he did not have a drink (sweats, vomiting, headaches, tremors, etc.). This could be what's going on. On the other hand, your A could have changed from beer to vodka. That's what mine did. I didn't have a clue, until I accidentally found all the bottles.

As far as throwing the beer can at you, I suppose he could be angrier because he is no longer drinking... short fuse, and all. Mine never did this, so I can't relate. This is unacceptable behavior, either way.

Growing

So sorry to hear what you are going through...

Alcoholism is a progressive disease...relapses (drinking again) and dry periods are common for the struggling alcoholic...I don't like telling you that it will get worse...or he will decide to get sober....which is a major commitment...and then he still may struggle.

What to do? Just keep coming back here to SR and check out alanon if you wish.

Look forward to seeing you around...

Welcome!!!!! Lots of good people and advice here!

hadenoughnow

Hi and welcome

IME he is trying to "control" his drinking, hang on for a bumpy ride. My ex tried it and his behaviour was worse than when he drank every day, it pretty much ended our marriage.

Kindeyes

My A son has stated that he recently stopped drinking and smoking pot. He called the other day and said that he thought that something was wrong with him because he was waking up sweating really bad and having anxiety attacks.

I said "Is it possible that it is a side affect of stopping the drinking and drugging? Those can be symptoms."

He didn't like that response but he didn't fly into an argument with me. I think it made him think (which he can do very well when he's sober).

I went through years of asking myself......is he an alcoholic or is he just young and sowing his wilds oats. I was in denial.

Pick-a-name

My exAH used to have those symptoms during the night in the last months we shared a bed......sweating,nightmares,thrashing around,etc. He started sleeping in t-shirts that he sweated out about every night. (his drinking at the time was the nightly 10-15 beers from getting home to going to bed;up the next morning to run his business). Between that and the snoring and the smell..I had to move to another bed to get any sleep at all.

He moved out,not to long after those syptoms started. BTW; he was starting to get very mean and edging towards being violent,imo then and that was the biggest problem I was having with the whole situation. Same with our teenagers. (He had been a quiet-couple-of-beers- while- watching-sports-on-TV drinker and had used to be a "loveable" drunk back in the day. He turned into a Jekyl-Hyde who was mean and the best I can describe is almost "dark" and hateful and very unpredictable. I have since decided he was in blackouts at least some of the time.)

I think it probably did have something to do with his BAC dropping,because it would happen several hours after he stopped drinking for the night.

Thanks for posting about this. I'd forgotten about it all.

peaceteach

I'd forgotten all that stuff too. Thanks! Yuck!

TDRinSoCal

Thanks so much to everyone for the great responses and support! It's nice to be able to talk about things. Even though nothing has changed yet, I already feel a sense of relief just knowing there are others out there who understand.

I know this may sound shallow, but to others my husband and I appear to be the perfect couple that has it all, perfect marriage, perfect house, perfect jobs, perfect life. If they only knew...

So to talk about our problem (it's as much my problem as it is his, right?) so openly, or as my southern mama says "to show off my ugly baby" is such a relief. Some of your responses brought to light a few other things in my husband's behavior that I guess I hadn't noticed.

My husband's mood seems to be more somber, almost depressed, during his sober period(s). Also the craving for chocolate totally caught me by surprise. My husband NEVER ate sweets before but I have a sweet tooth so I keep a candy jar filled with M&M's and I'm noticing how much more frequently I'm having to fill it and I'm not the one eating them because swimsuit season is fast approaching.

And regarding the part about going to bed early. BINGO! It's 8:30 on a Friday night and my husband has been in bed since about 7:00. Hopefully he'll have a restful night and tomorrow he will be another step further away from alcohol. Yes, I'm ever the optimist.

I have another question for my new support group. What about my drinking? Being the daughter of an alcoholic father and mother who's had her moments with alcohol as well, I'm not that much of a drinker but I do enjoy a glass of wine now and then. Should I not drink either since my AH is trying not drink?

One more thing. My husband hasn't connected his severe night sweats with his quitting drinking and thinks there's something else wrong with him. This evening he told me he's going to make an appointment to see a doctor. I know he won't admit the amount or frequency he drinks to the doctor but I'm guessing a blood panel will give that away. But is there anything in particular I should try to get him to tell the doctor without him going into denial or flying off the handle?

Again, thanks so much to all of you for your support and kind words!

hbb

Good morning!

Oh mine was beyond depressed, but never wanted to fix it on his own. He would tell me how a billion years ago he tried ONE therapist and they were idiots.....YAH!! So he never tried again and as a result masked his problems by drinking and when he quit they started eating away at him.

As for the sweats, i learned in AA that there is alot of sugar in beer so when he stopped he craved ice cream, candy and anything sweat, and he HATED sweats before that.

Going to bed at 8 was what i belive to be because then he wasn't thinking about being out at a bar and drinking. I also believe it was the depression at it's worst at that time.

I went through the same questions with the drinking myself if he's not. Umm i would have one if we were out to dinner. He actually got mad if i didn't and changed my ways because of his problem. I certainly didn't take advantage and always put him first when it came to going out and have a drink. We didn't live together so any liquor was kept at my house. But at the same time, he was a dry drunk that drank O'douls out and hung at the bar daily so we are really not a good judge when it comes to all of this!!!!