geees poncho

Last month I replied to a thread by alovestoryhero, concerning his adventures with a abused woman, he had been called a loser, and was angry about it, verbaly abused.
I'm 58 yo and was raised in a very violent family, I watched my mother slamed into walls, slapped, punched, kicked, eyes blackened, ABUSED.
5 of us kids were also treated the same way, and treated each other the same way, abusive. My mother was raised verbaly abusive My father was raised violently abusive.
I replied to the thread, that a guy could be hardly blamed if he slapped the verbally abusive woman. in my world this WAS accepted behavior. and I realize now that it is not. However as long as, verbally abusive & physicly abusive people comingle, coexist, there will be ABUSE.
I believe ther are degrees of abuse and the courts seem to think that way also. To me there is a slap in the face, and a SLAP in the face.
There is a slap on a babys behind, and a SLAP on a baby behind that lifts it of the floor. there is training a animal, and there is TRAINING a animal. and I do believe all abuse in humans & animals is related.
And believe me being raised the way I was, I am very aware of abuse and the words my signifant other chooses. aand I keep my hands under controll at all times. and I also believe WORDS cut deeper than anything else. but when was the last time you heard of anyone dialing 911 because he was called a loser. Now lets please be civil.
and what is this

ICU

I think it's a toss up between smilie abuse and skillet abuse!

ICU

Ooops...my mistake...I think that's a drumstick or club....didn't have my glasses on!

GiveLove

It looks like a turkey drumstick, doesn't it? Yuck. Grease everywhere.

I think people were saying that a slap in the face is a slap in the face, geees.

If anyone, anywhere, ever felt that they had a right to slap me, it would be the last time they'd be in the same room with me.

It may be normal to you because of your violent upbringing. It's not normal to 99% of the rest of the world, and it's going to raise some serious hackles. There's no such thing as a "love slap" or a "gentle slap" or an "affectionate slap." You slap someone because you want to show you have power and you have a right to hit them.

You don't. I don't. Let's be civil and not hit each other any more. It doesn't do a damn bit of good and only makes people feel like total sh**.

"Touch my face or body in anger and you will go to jail" is a perfectly acceptable way to live, whether you're a man or a woman.

geees poncho

I see one person hitting another, and some one thinks its funny
it is cute, but ABUSIVE

Barbara52

Yup, its abuse.

I also don't remember ever seing it used as a symbolic abuse of another poster. Could be I haven't noticed but I don't remember seeing it used that way. I do seem to remember seeing it used to symbolically abuse the A in someone's life. {shrug}

I also grew up in a violent household. It taught me violence in any form is unacceptable. A slap in the face is a slap in the face. ANd if someone did it too me would result in charges filed.

I also know that if I was verbally abused I would filed charges also. It qualifies as assault.

geees poncho

I believe assault is a threat of violence, in Minnesota 5th degree assault
being called a loser is degrading, and over time abusive

kermit

Um, where did this all come from? Where is the thread I would like to read it befor I comment.
Thanks Kermmie

geees poncho

dec 21 Alovestoryhero

kermit

Cant"t find it can some one help post it here so i can read it?
Thanks, Kermmie

Barbara52

Yeah its a misdemeanor but it can be based on fear of the vicitm, not necessarily an actual threat of physical harm.

Verbal abuse is one of those things that is hard to define legally but we know it when we hear it. And it is terribly destructive over time. Adults and children internalize the abuse and come to believe it. The effects are very hard to unlearn.

GiveLove

Not big on violence OR verbal abuse, which is why I set boundaries so they can't happen in my life (well, not more than once)

Ideally, we'd all be refusing to tolerate either one. That's still the goal, right?

A lot of those icons are also symbolic of the concept "do you need to get hit over the head with it???" (as in "get a clue") The frying pan one is used by the F&F Substance Abusers people occasionally for that purpose....though I prefer their metaphor of getting whacked with the steel-toed bunny slippers

If someone has a desire to hit their spouse, maybe they need to see a therapist or set some boundaries.

Shall we dissect Tom & Jerry cartoons next? LOTS of good material there.

geees poncho

I agree 100%, but in the middle a heated arguement who is thinking of a theraPIST or a boundry. I have left the house to avoid confrontations, just to be chased down and hasseled more.
Where do you pull the plug on these confrontations, and seek time out.
Or do you ring a bell and go to a corner, and wait for round 2.
I'm just trying to understand, I'm not being glib or trite. does anyone have a clue.
I guess the word is DEFUSE ????

PaperDolls

I was curious too but can't find a member with the name "Alovestoryhero".
:wtf2

geees poncho

It was on Dec 21st, I don't know how to bring it up to this thread, sorry.

Barbara52

Here it is:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ed-advice.html

cmc

gees,
Where do I pull the plug? Like others have shared, with boundaries. If I leave the house and am chased down as you describe it...I would then have to enforce 'my' boundary. For me that boundary would be to tell that person to leave me alone and if they continue with that type of behavior, I would have to make some type of changes in order to be in that situation again.

_I_ have the power to do that. If I am stalked by someone I will call the police.
The boundaries that I set are mine to choose but I must follow through or back up whatever that is or it becomes worse than meaningless. Boundaries that are not well thought out and/or that I will not stick to become dangerous and encourage others to abuse me.

Emotional and verbal abuse are much harder to define...and more importantly harder to prove. I still have the power to decide how I allow others to treat me.

I would also add the the 'comic relief' of the stickies....cartoons and my favorites...The Three Stooges...is just a means to let off some steam in a healthy way. This would be called teasing and done 'in fun'. There is no reason for me to hit someone in order to express anger.

Janitw

Well if a slap in the face is just a little ole slap in the face well then when I take my gun out to shoot the SOB in defense.....then its just a little ole gun huh ????

geees poncho

NOW WER TALKIN
CIVIL

geees poncho

YEE HAA, NOW WER TALKIN, (ANNIE OAKLIE)
STRING THE **** UP THATS THE CIVIL WAY
HANG HER FROM THE HIGHEST TREE
DRAG HER DOWN THE GRAVEL ROAD
STONE HER
SCARLET LETTERS
BURN HER AT THE STAKE
YOU BETCHA

OH YER TALKIN BOUT HIM, DIAL 911