hbb

My exabf is having a child with his exgf that he cheated on me with and left me for. I'm numb, crushed and sad. I know, so many here and friends and family of mine have said good luck to them and they deserve each other. I just need to write and get it out. We haven't even been broken up 5 months. It's hard to hear "he did you the biggest favor" and "you were settling with him".

The one good thing is that if finally did it! I told my roommate when she said she would find out more information that i DID NOT want to hear anymore. That it wasn't making me feel better and just bringing me down. I know i should have done that months ago but couldn't get myself to do it.

I often wonder when my life go so turned upside down and depressing. I loved him alot and crushed.

I understand if your sick of responding to me regarding this but i needed to write and get it out, i don't really have another outlet right now.

Thanks.

CBrown

First, HUGS to you for having the strength to tell your roommate you don't want to hear it anymore.

Secondly, more HUGS to you for the pain you are feelings right now. Frankly, that news just plain sucks. Like you said, I don't need to tell you the same old thing. You're going to feel like you feel until you don't feel it anymore. The only thing that's keeping me from experiencing what you are is R's current GF's age. Otherwise I know they would be expecting too.

The other night you know I was feeling down, and Alanis Morissette came on the radio singing "You Oughta Know." I haven't heard that in years and after I jacked it up sky-high on the radio and sang along, it got a lot of the "stuff" out of me. So did your strong words on here.

I just can't get out of my head "that poor baby, growing up in the midst of all that."

No, I'm not sick of hearing it Heather. I know that next week some news may hit me, but like you, I'm drawing the line on wanting to know "the news." I have no temptation to contact him (thank God that has left me), but I still get the urge to hear the gossip. I treasure the peace a lot more than knowing.

More hugs to you!

geees poncho

Believe me when I tell you, my HP will take something away, to make room for something much better. this has allways been the case for me. it may not be something I wanted, but it was something I needed. I guarantee you there is something better right around the corner. keep your eyes & ears wide open, something is coming.:ghug3

Kindeyes

Hey there
I understand how upsetting the news must have been for you. I think that I would be feeling the same way if I were in your shoes. Healing is an individual process and we all do it in our own ways and in our own time. Gentle hugs to you as you deal with this news and move forward.....even if it's only in teeny tiny little baby steps right now. That's ok.

hopeangel

hey heather, i know it is like a punch in the stomach, but you will be stronger for it.

"you were settling with him". - it took me almost 10 years to really come to terms with the concept of me settling and the reason i did it and ended up where i am now. give yourself time hon.

SaTiT

I understand hbb

mmm..I'm acoa....Just be greatful I'm not your kid.lol
I think i drove the woman insane.

I feel like this sometimes....it okay thou.
I think it has to do with un resolved anger or feeling.
Becuase my agf had never sit down and actaully listen to
me. It wierd becuase I want to or need to let her know
"that shiet aint right"...but it's never going to happen.
I need an out lit. it's still unresolved becuase I need
to tell it to her. Not anyone else, But she's not going
to listen to me...becuase of course i'm wack job in her eyes
or becuase there's too much wreackage and she rather
not face it deal with it.

I feel if thou I'm a verge of a climax, but I can't climax...you know what I'm saying ? I feel fustrated.

I'm supposted to write a letter her and burnt it or something like
that...to release that fustration

This song dose the same for me..

power kitting....kind of like getting dragged mentally, emotionally by an addict all over the damn place :rof

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H999LqFQNWs

geees poncho

Most of the time we need to move a LOT of DIRT before we reach gold & diamonds, And this is some very heavy DIRT. So let us help you dig for awhile.
We will get through it.

splendra

Here's a big squishy hug i know you will get over it...

hbb

I feel like for years i've been moving dirt. Don't get me wrong, i have great family and friends that care about me but i just sometimes feel like i can't catch a break. I don't ask for much, i work full time, pay my own bills, live on my own. But for some reason i'm not appealing enough to date, stay with and not cheat on. I take this personally, i can't help it like what's wrong with me or wanting to be with me??? It's frustrating and saddens me.

GiveLove

Glad you got it out. It's still two sad people making sad decisions. Poor kid...coming into that life.

How much time do you spend out doing something you love, hbb, with other people who love the same stuff? THAT'S where you find kindred spirits, not at work or at home or online. What do you love doing?

Elizabeth2007

I'm so sorry for your hurt and struggle. Its good to get it out and vent. You're safe here.

I feel very sorry for that poor baby being born to two such dysfunctional people as well.

Good on you for telling your roommate you don't want any more dirt. No sense in getting caught up in more drama.

I pray you'll be able to let go and let yourself heal and know that you deserve better.

Sincerely,

Elizabeth

loverof1

Hbb...honey there is nothing wrong with you. Unfortunately there are far too many people out there that lack any moral value at all....throw in alcoholism/drug abuse in the mix and there are even fewer good people out there.

My AH continues to deny having a problem with drinking problem. His entire character has shifted so much. I hardly know him anymore...yet I hold on to the slightest hope that he will recover and return his heart to me. I have two kids with him. You have been saved from the pain of having to make life changing decisions not only for yourself, but for your children as well. I struggle with that the most. If it were just me...I could probably find the courage to leave.

Bug bear hugs to you. I understand and am here for you.

geees poncho

I'm going to talk to you like my daughter.
If it is absolutly nessasary for you to have a MAN in your life. you need to
take a little time and look around, at the male heros in your life. observe them, talk to them and find out what it is you like about them. then in your
daily dealings, if the right (MAN) appears, and has the right QUALITIES and is available, make your move. You choose them, not the other way around.
I don't know why but the song by Paul Simon is going through my head right now. Shes got diamonds on the soles of her shoes.:ghug3

Cynay

Hbb there is nothing wrong with you. You are a desirable, loving women and a time will come when you meet a man that will appreciate/love who you are. I know they are out there, I know there are men that feel just like we do and are also wondering how to find that person.

I feel alot like you do and yes that would be a kick in the stomach... So what Im doing today is just taking care of myself and working on my spirituality and recovery. I want to make sure that when "he" comes into my life I am in a position to receive that love....

Go ahead and mourn, cry, yell ... whatever it takes to get this out of your system. You dont know, maybe this is just what you needed to have happen to finally get him out of your system.... Sometimes God gives us what we need to move on ... If we dont move on we will never be ready for all the blessings he has in store for us.

MsPINKAcres

((heather))

my thoughts & prayers are with you - There is a SR friend of mine that has walked a similiar path that you are walking down - Her name is BayouSelf.

You can search for her post and follow her journey thru those months of pain and then see where she is now - praying that it will give you hope that there is a light of peace on the other side.

Wishing you Serenity & Joy,
Rita

ARealLady

((((((Heather))))))))))

Believe in yourself.

ARL

denny57

At the beginning, I gave myself one half hour every day to moan, bitch, cry, kvetch, vent and/or swear. Then I went out and lived life, knowing the messiness is just a part of it. I didn't necessarily want to do that, but I did.

Today, I want to live more and vent less. Action is what it takes. The new thinking and feelings will follow.

Pajarito

Heather, you are a great person. You have a beautiful heart. You are hurting right now, and it's ok- who wouldn't be? You just need to give yourself time. It will come. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being sad- no matter what it takes there are people here who care about you. Just believe in yourself.

BayouSelf

Hi Heather

My friend Japic told me that I should read this post, that I might relate, and boy do I ever......this same exact thing happened to me....my husband and I weren't even divorced yet when he got this girl pregnant and he and I have worked really hard to stay on good terms with each other during the whole pregnancy and sometimes I would talk to him about it and I would be okay and then sometimes, I just couldn't talk about it at all.....I had to work through a whole lot of issues, especially forgiveness and trying to remember that he is just a sick pup....end of story. I finally realized that none of it had anything to do with me and I was a much better person without him....he even brought the baby to my house one day so I could see her....and although it hurt a little, she is a beautiful sweet innocent baby who I really feel sorry for.....her daddy is bringing her to see his ex-wife, who he obviously still has feelings for....it's all so sick. I have never been able to get mad enough at this man to completely get him totally out of my life, but I can tell you one thing that I know is that God has sooooo much better plans for me and my life is WONDERFUL now without him in it and I live at peace with everything now......he's still a very sick, actively drinking, gambling, and probably cheating man, but I'm living a very full, happy, exciting life. It's hard to understand how something so painful can eventually turn into the best thing that ever happened to you, but it did.....I learned a lot from that relationship and it made me such a better person today....and finally I'm making better decisions about the people I choose to have in my life, especially those potential partners....much healthier decisions......it just took a lot of pain to get here. Give yourself a lot of time to heal from this....it doesn't happen overnight.....there are still some days I hurt and yearn for the illusion that once was, but it doesn't take me long to snap back to reality. Hugs and prayers coming your way.

FormerDoormat

And therein lies the problem. Try asking for more. Works like a charm.