It's True....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Between Fenway and the Beach!
Posts: 1,301
Originally Posted by geees poncho 
remember this time you get to do the picking. and be fussy!!
this is what i set out to do last time!!!! Didn't quite work out that way!! Oh and the white horse, it was more like an 80 year old donkey (ass) lol!!!!! Thanks for the encouragement....i love you guys 
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: "Somewhere in Ohio" ... little joke from past
Posts: 481
How cool to see you saying LOL, Heather! Glad you're smiling today!
I understand what you mean about not taking. You want to be nice to someone without the expectation of getting something in return?
I bet if we found men like that, we wouldn't know how to act! Well, maybe not today! We'll get there.
I understand what you mean about not taking. You want to be nice to someone without the expectation of getting something in return?
I bet if we found men like that, we wouldn't know how to act! Well, maybe not today! We'll get there.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 471
Thinking of you just a few minutes ago, Heather. My daughter came home form a visit with XAH, and was hurt because she had seen a Christmas card he had written to his mom, signed by both him and his new GF.
Had a moment of sinking heart, stomach tightening, blood draining reaction. Just a moment. Then I took a deep breath and let it go ...
I know what life is like with XAH. If thats what she wants, good luck to her.
More than likely, she's in her own denial.
Not my problem!
This used to take me days to work out, rationalize, analyze. Now it's just a moment.
You'll get there, too!
Had a moment of sinking heart, stomach tightening, blood draining reaction. Just a moment. Then I took a deep breath and let it go ...
I know what life is like with XAH. If thats what she wants, good luck to her.
More than likely, she's in her own denial.
Not my problem!
This used to take me days to work out, rationalize, analyze. Now it's just a moment.
You'll get there, too!
Live, Laugh, Love
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Between Fenway and the Beach!
Posts: 1,301
Originally Posted by guineapigjude
Then I took a deep breath and let it go ...
I know what life is like with XAH. If thats what she wants, good luck to her.
More than likely, she's in her own denial. Not my problem!
I know what life is like with XAH. If thats what she wants, good luck to her.
More than likely, she's in her own denial. Not my problem!
Hugs to you too Judy. There's no way around it, it stinks but you hit the nail on the head. I know they don't have a happy life together, they have a very less than average life together. I know in my heart that i did my best and that the other shoe will drop with them baby or not. He'll see the grass isn't greener.
Tonight i'm having 15 for a Christmas Yankee swap so that should be fun and i'm not going to lie, i'm going to get cozy with the Captain lol!!!
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
Originally Posted by heather
I guess i always thought that if i ruffled any feathers along the way, than they wouldn't want to be with me or think i was a bitch.
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
Why does there have to be a motive? I did do those things for him because i wanted to, i would take nothing in return even if he wanted too.
When I choose a partner who's personal or professional life is in turmoil or who earns significantly less than me, or who's finances are a mess I have a motive. It may be subconscious and hidden well below the surface, but I still have a motive.
Digging down deep to determine what motivated my behavior was hard work. But it was necessary in order for me to understand how I ended up with a partner who was a mess and more importantly why I stayed with him for 25 years.
Eventually, I came to the realization that I chose a partner who was struggling professionally, personally, and financially because it made me feel better than him. And that made me feel better about myself. In short, I used him to inflate my ego because I had terrible self esteem. And it was as wrong of me to take advantage of his weakened/depressed/intoxicated state as it was of him to use me to take care of all his responsibilities so he could get drunk every day without a care in the world. Whether folks call this type of relationship co-dependent, just plain dependent, unhealthy, or sick makes no difference to me. It was just plain wrong.
I claimed that I was dependent on him because I loved him, and I did love him. But the reality of the situation was that I was dependent on him because I felt powerful around him. I used him and he used me. There was always a motive behind my actions.
The hard part is figuring out what those motives are. Does that make sense?
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Philly Burbs, PA
Posts: 11
Originally Posted by hbb
In general yes, i wouldn't take much in return, but i've always been that way even with friends and family. I don't know why i don't and know it should be 50/50 in a relationship. I guess because when he and i were dating, i was in a MUCH better position than he was. But i also thought it was a rough patch, didn't know it had been going back since his early 20's.
I'm hopefully going to work through the giving and not receiving part! I guess i always thought that if i ruffled any feathers along the way, than they wouldn't want to be with me or think i was a bitch. I think my friend hit the nail on the head when she said that J probably would have stayed if i DIDN'T treat him as well. It's all he knows from his past....i think that's sad to never NOT want dysfunction and i can't live that way.
I'm hopefully going to work through the giving and not receiving part! I guess i always thought that if i ruffled any feathers along the way, than they wouldn't want to be with me or think i was a bitch. I think my friend hit the nail on the head when she said that J probably would have stayed if i DIDN'T treat him as well. It's all he knows from his past....i think that's sad to never NOT want dysfunction and i can't live that way.
Why do you need to be liked? Why do you care if people think that you're a bitch? If they really love you, they will accept you.
One thing I've noticed over the years is that "bitches" generally get exactly what they want. Bitches don't settle. Perhaps it would behoove you to be more of a bitch.
Live, Laugh, Love
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Between Fenway and the Beach!
Posts: 1,301
Originally Posted by Sydney Bristow
Hit the nail on the head right there, Heather! That is a very good example of your self-awareness.
Why do you need to be liked? Why do you care if people think that you're a bitch? If they really love you, they will accept you.
One thing I've noticed over the years is that "bitches" generally get exactly what they want. Bitches don't settle. Perhaps it would behoove you to be more of a bitch.
Why do you need to be liked? Why do you care if people think that you're a bitch? If they really love you, they will accept you.
One thing I've noticed over the years is that "bitches" generally get exactly what they want. Bitches don't settle. Perhaps it would behoove you to be more of a bitch.
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
Just remeber dahlin' that people who want to use you will think you are bitch if you do not let them.
Take your time getting to know someone so you can see their true colors before giving them your heart. Before becomeing sexually intimate with a man you want to know if he has integrity and you might not know that from a person you just met who is perhaps only acting like they have something to offer you other than a broken heart.
Take your time getting to know someone so you can see their true colors before giving them your heart. Before becomeing sexually intimate with a man you want to know if he has integrity and you might not know that from a person you just met who is perhaps only acting like they have something to offer you other than a broken heart.
Live, Laugh, Love
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Between Fenway and the Beach!
Posts: 1,301
I think i am feeling better SaTit, thank you
And your not a basta&d! Far from it, i love your posts and your caring ways. You have a lot of compassion for us here!
I did have fun last night at my party and can really say i wasn't consumed with thoughts of him today. I'm forcing otherwise, and trying to go with it for the moment because this will probably pass to and i'll feel it again.
And your not a basta&d! Far from it, i love your posts and your caring ways. You have a lot of compassion for us here!
I did have fun last night at my party and can really say i wasn't consumed with thoughts of him today. I'm forcing otherwise, and trying to go with it for the moment because this will probably pass to and i'll feel it again.
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