queenteree

Hi All, missed yesterday cause I took off to do some Christmas shopping. Tues night AH tells me he consulted w/a lawyer (I saw the papers). Said we had to talk about it. I said I wasn't discussing it at that time, that when I receive the letter from his attorney I will retain one for me, and I also thanked him for taking the step on divorcing me. He looked at me kind of odd, I said I've been toying with the idea of divorce and consulted a few attorneys myself, yet I hadn't been able to bring myself to actually retain one. I said I was feeling so happy and serene as my HP saw to it that since he didn't think I could do it myself, he had AH do it. Funny, it was the same day that I wrote here that HP threw me a bone and I felt so calm and serene. AH hasn't even bothered me since, just told me last night it's a shame if we divorce cause we were "good for each other". I said "wrong, we used to be good for each other." I watched TV and went to bed, and so did he. See things do happen when the time is right. But it is kinda sad that alcoholics cannot have anything interfere with their drinking. It is so true that it's a cunning, baffling disease.

hopeangel

hey queen, i think it is GREAT that he is doing the hard work for you and leaving the party responsible to take action! so much easier.

heck, you see the struggle i am in. i say GREAT.

the realtor is now calling our house to sell it and you know what - i am not saying a word and leaving the responsibility for that where it lies -with AH.

good.

Barbara52

I am glad to see you are holding onto your serenity. God does indeed work in mysterious ways doesn't he?

I'm sure your reaction wasn't what your AH was expecting.

Janitw

I am happy for you Queen.....I'm sure you shocked the heck out of him with that response...that was a good one and the best part of it was that you were dead serious..

NoChoice

I have to say that you are radiating serenity!

Impurrfect

QT -

You did good!!! Glad to see that you are holding onto your serenity and things are progressing. I know it was hard for you to hit YOUR bottom with him, but you are doing an outstanding job at reclaiming your life and you deserve it!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

denny57

I also let go and let AH decide what he wanted to do. He filed the divorce papers, but didn't serve me for 4 months. One time he said to me, just tell me what to do. I said I couldn't.

I don't spend too much time trying to figure out what goes on his mind, I'm too busy with my own LOL, but I sometimes wonder about the connection between him filing/serving, his drawing this out into a 5 month trial (and 2 year divorce), and the nastiness from him. Would he have pretended to be nicer if I acted the way he expected me to?

Stay vigilant, QT, and good luck!

queenteree

AH tells me last night that he is willing to take Campral and go to AA as long as I make this whole court thing go away, that way we can work on our marriage. I told him that he really should start being aware of the devastating effects his drinking has on his family, and had he done the right thing this month and stopped drinking and went to AA and passed all his random urine tests (he didn't), he may have had a leg to stand on w/the court (telling them he is going to AA, being sober, etc.) I said "so who's fault is it when the court doesn't believe you, and I'm not dropping my order. So you gotta do what you gotta do, and if you want to file for divorce, go ahead, cause everything is standing as is." End of conversation, but today he calls me and says "can you please, please make this go away?" I said "absolutely not, you will have to do what you have to do, so call your lawyer if that's what you need to do. I have no control over what the court orders you to do next week cause again, I'm not dropping the order." Hopefully he'll just let it go and call his lawyer. He's grasping at straws right now but I'm still maintaing my serenity.

Barbara52

Sounds like he realizing his behvaior is gonna have consequences he's not gonna like. Just keep yourself safe. You never know how a desperate person might react.

prodigal

I've followed your situation since you got here. I admire your standing your ground. All his bravado and machisimo about getting a lawyer folded pretty quickly when you didn't buy into the way HE expected you to react. Remaining calm and steadfast when they make announcements about their grand plans really does have a tendency to freak them out.

He's not controlling you. And THAT is scaring the living daylights outta him. You're doing great!