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OKAY, i am SERIOUSLY considering getting a place of my own this weekend!

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OKAY, i am SERIOUSLY considering getting a place of my own this weekend!

Old 11-30-2007, 08:52 AM
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yes lateeda, that is an awesome link. thank the little angel cause there are things i would have never thought of.

so, now i'm thinking that maybe i can still get a car with the trade in and not use the money i have to put down on that and just have the car payment like someone would do if they didn't have the little bit of extra money and then i would still at least have that little bit of cushion. it is not much, but it would at least maybe buy me a couple of months and that way i could have both a place of my own and the car.

so, i just posted on my other thread how i was feeling. i had a talk with AH last night, of course, everything was calm, so that has me thinking well, maybe if i leave him completely alone and he leaves me completely alone i could manage to stay in the house with him.

i told him that i had an atty. at work that would do the dissolution for us. he said last night that he is pretty much agreeing to give me most of everything. BUT, he will not sign or file for the dissolution until there is a for sale sign in the front yard of the house. he really has no plans to fix his mess in the kitchen anytime soon though, as i had thought all along-he has found that it is going to cost more money to fix than he had thought and can't match the woodwork. soo, we will probably take a huge loss in settling it as is.

as hard as it is, i think i am just going to have to bite the bullet and face the inevitable and call next week for the realitor to just get it sold asap. i mean, it is not like i could afford it on my own. it is too big a house and, he has said that he does not want to live there anymore. so, no matter what happens, it is not like we are going to stay in that house anyway right? so, better sooner than later to move on. it is just hard to see all the dreams i had for us in that home go. did i mention i love the location and feel secure (lol-just as far as the home goes) there. BUT, nobody feels really secure or comfortable when they move to a new place do they? it is part of life moving right?

okay, so, we both agreed that we probably would not be abe to live together while in the process of divorce because what if it takes a year to sell the house? are we going to stay together for a whole other year ? i can't imagine that. so, i did tell him that if i moved i would probably just do it suddenly and that when i did all the utilities would be put in his name and i would basically just leave him there to handle things. so, i guess i have told him my intentions. WHY DOES PART OF ME FEEL GUILTY ABOUT JUST LEAVING HIM THERE BY HIMSELF IN THE HOUSE AND WORRYING ABOUT HIM????? i kinda feel like it is a really cold cruel thing to do.
he has talked about moving out himself, but that would leave me in the house, which i guess would be okay. heck, with him out, i would probably do a whole lot better getting things ready to sell. so it would depend if i could wait him out in moving.
i don't know. i think this weekend i plan on actually calling the apartment complex where i would like to live and at least seeing what my options there are. heck, if i get really brave or depending on how things go this weekend i just might actually sign a lease! and just be out. everyone is telling me that this is what i need to do, including family, so maybe they can see clearer than i can right now.

just take the leap of faith and like everyone else said. i will be able to focus and accomplish things a lot quicker that way right. literally take it one day at a time!!!
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Old 11-30-2007, 10:01 AM
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(((Hopeangel))) WhenI have trouble standing up for myself, I sometimes form a picture in my head of me as a small girl. The one I am thinking of, I am not quite 5 years old, and it is my kindergarten picture. I thought we were getting shots behind the screen, and so I started crying.... I had absolutely NO trust of any of the adults that first tried to comfort me, then discounted me as being a baby when I wouldn't stop crying.

That little girl needs my love. That little girl deserves my protection. That little girl is afraid and needs to be comforted.

I am a big girl, now. I can protect her. I can provide her a safe environment and give her comfort.



You might try that sort of visualization and then imagine that HER safety is in balance against.... some material thing?


((((hugs))))

Praying you get out safe this weekend.
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Old 11-30-2007, 12:24 PM
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Originally Posted by hopeangel View Post
the bed, well, he really got me there. remember he has ruined two mattresses - 1 was mine before i met him. the 2 brand new! so, we are on mattress #3 another brand new one. when he had to replace that one i made sure that he paid for a REALLY nice king size one( codie knowing if he paid big bucks he wouldn't dare risk sleeping in it and peeing on it-lol.). my orginal bed was only a full size one (that's the one he promised to replace and never did and the box springs that just went out the door to that one) so, he said that he wasn't going to replace it, instead, he would give me the brand new one. i wasn't thinking that a KING size bed would probably be way to big for me in an apartment (i'd much rather have my full sized one back). however, i do want a bed to sleep in and that's the only one we have.

oh, let me correct that- this is our 4th mattress. i forgot about the one from our old house that we gave to someone -he peed on that one too!
during big decisions, it is so important to keep the priorities in order.

beds and furniture are mere distractions. the side show.

keep the focus, hope angel and a better life will be yours! I know you can be carried through this change with our support and the grace of your higher power and your own willingness to take care of your precious self.:ghug3
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Old 11-30-2007, 12:39 PM
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Getting bogged down in the minutia will only serve to keep you stuck. But, then again, maybe that's what you're wanting? Only you can answer that.

during big decisions, it is so important to keep the priorities in order.

Please focus on what you need to do for YOU (and the cat!). Minnie posted excellent advice regarding what is important NOW. You can drive by Walmart and pick up an air mattress. At least you'll be safe.

ARL
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Old 11-30-2007, 07:26 PM
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you are all awesome!!! that's all i can say right now. i'm overwelmed and grateful and your right, i have no doubt that with the support of you all- i will be able to get through this. ((()))

i called the apartment complex where i would like to stay and they may be full. i will call tomorrow and find out for sure.

i'm not sure what i will do if they are, but i don't feel like i can't do it anymore. i know i can. THANK YOU!!!
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