petdon

Hi I have only posted twice most of the time I read posts. I just wanted to say I understand the feeling of not wanting to give up on the person. I believe it is definitely a part of my co-dependency. I have been seperated for three years and I still have a very hard time dealing with the feeling that if I cut contact with him I will be abandoning him even though he is the one that left our family.

Pick-a-name

OT--petdon...same here. Glad you "chimed in" and hope you post more often!

Your post helped me today,too!

This thread has come at a perfect time for me....thank you all for sharing. (Although I am sorry you are all familiar with these feelings.)

DII

PIP, read your post and I am sorry that you are going through this. I have two teenage boys and I thought that they would be crushed when their alcoholic Mom and I separated. Yes, kids are better off with two parents....but only two real parents! There's no question that separating or divorcing is tough on the family. I am struggling with balancing work, attending games, carpooling etc. But I think you see and feel the emotional and physical price you pay when you live in denial with an alcoholic. The more you post the more you will see that alcoholic behavior is similar. You need to understand the disease and your reaction to it before you can understand how you can move forward with your life and the lives of your boys. Alanon is a start and it really helped me to see a counselor, 1on1 that could help me! Does your work or your husbands work offer a mental health program where you can get that sort of help? Focus on a counselor with family and alcohol specialties.

Good luck and keep posting!

CBrown

"I still have a very hard time dealing with the feeling that if I cut contact with him I will be abandoning him even though he is the one that left our family."

I don't care what anyone says. If I got a voice mail from my XABF that said "I'm killing myself, I know everyone around here is using me and I'm using them, and I want help so I don't die. I can't drive, will you drive me to that rehab center you told me about?" I would pick him up and take him and to hell with what anyone thinks.

No, I am NOT going to let him mess with my mind or be in my life as a destructive force, but on the other hand, I will never ignore a cry for help.

denny57

I could answer a cry for help in other ways - I could call an ambulance; I could call a cab. Today I would leave me out of it and not come to the rescue. JMO

double j

Oh my, did I write this myself? I have been reading everything, trying to find someone still in the home with the A (that isn't quitting or trying to quit).

I'm sitting here in tears. I'm not alone, my problem is not unique.

Thank you for sharing.

gypsyrose

Well, it's become clear to me that a bunch of us are married to the same man. What is this, a message board or Utah? Can't tell you how much comfort it is to hear I'm not as alone as I feel tonight. AH isn't drinking these days, due to a little miracle pill called antabuse, he doesn't smell disgusting but he's popping pills and his behavior stinks. I don't know if he's really just traded one addiction for another (benzos and pain killers) or if it's a "dry drunk" thing or a chemical imbalance... probably a combination of all of the above.

I do know what it feels like to feel trapped and hopeless... and scared because I can't fix this no matter what I do. I'm stuck, hanging around, waiting to find out if AH will get better before I give up entirely. And then what? I don't even want to think about it. I want us to beat the odds and for there to be a happy ending.