divorce caused by gambling
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
Originally Posted by DaveR 
Her family knows about the gambling, I've told them when we couldn't pay bills. I think she has them smoke screened on how serious her addiction has become and has them believing that I've caused her unhappiness in our marriage
Maybe this will give them a chance to see the facts for themselves. May be another step closer to your wife's bottom.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 596
I agree about not taking it personally. I was thrilled recently when the wife of one of AH's business associates asked me to lunch. They don't live here, but come here to visit family. I met her for lunch. I thought she was so gorgeous (she's a grandmother), so classy. I had my game face on, sitting up straight, careful not to slurp my soup, lol. The next thing I knew, she was asking if I like to gamble. What? Ah, sure I guess.
So, she next invited me to go to a casino with her that weekend. I agreed. We were there for EIGHT HOURS. This woman, who doesn't even live here, knew so many people at the tables. She didn't want to leave. I didn't complain too much. I was up for a long time and then broke even.
But I declined her offer to go again the next week. Then I heard from her family members, that she'll go with anyone. She wasn't trying to get to know me. She just wanted someone to go with her, because her family had stopped going.
Aha! Wow, what a wakeup call. She used me. I don't take it personal. I feel bad for her husband, who I think is a charming man.
That was my first exposure to someone addicted to gambling. But if it's like alcohol, they will do whatever is necessary to continue the addiction.
She can assume whatever she wants as far as what the judge will say. But I can't imagine a judge would grant her full custody, particularly with her problem. Make sure you have your financial records to prove the draining funds.
So, she next invited me to go to a casino with her that weekend. I agreed. We were there for EIGHT HOURS. This woman, who doesn't even live here, knew so many people at the tables. She didn't want to leave. I didn't complain too much. I was up for a long time and then broke even.
But I declined her offer to go again the next week. Then I heard from her family members, that she'll go with anyone. She wasn't trying to get to know me. She just wanted someone to go with her, because her family had stopped going.
Aha! Wow, what a wakeup call. She used me. I don't take it personal. I feel bad for her husband, who I think is a charming man.
That was my first exposure to someone addicted to gambling. But if it's like alcohol, they will do whatever is necessary to continue the addiction.
She can assume whatever she wants as far as what the judge will say. But I can't imagine a judge would grant her full custody, particularly with her problem. Make sure you have your financial records to prove the draining funds.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 8
Hi everyone,
Just an update on whats going on.
After waiting for the last month for GA wife to file for divorce, I went ahead and filed last week.
I've been feeling much better about myself lately as I've been reading some of Melody Beattie's co-dependency books. I'm still going to gam-anon meetings and getting therapy. I also joined a gym to tone-up and feel better about myself. It's amazing how much better you feel after lifting weights. Alot of the people I've met at the gym are recovering addicts, so it's a lot like going to another meeting.
I don't talk to the wife much anymore unless she wants something, I haven't gave her any money in over a month so that makes me feel good. I do ask the kids if they have enough food or if they need anything and the answer I'm always given by the 14y/o daughter is they are O'k. Over this weekend the wife called and asked if I was happy. I didn't quite understand at first what she was getting at and asked her why she she wanted to know. She then asked if I was happy being a bachelor and enjoying my self as she somehow found out I joined a gym.
I told her it made me feel better and it only costs $35 a month. She said $35 would buy a lot of groceries for the kids and that she didn't have money to buy food. I told her that was the first I'd known about not having food for the kids. She went on to say I should know how much it takes to feed 4 kids.
I had to hold back from telling her that I'd been checking up on her at nite and found her at the casino 3 times in the last week, I can't believe she was trying to make me feel guilty about spending $35 on myself when only god knows how much she had spent at the casino this past week.
I'm getting the feeling that she can't stand to see me happy and has to try to pull me down even though we're not together.
Thanks everyone, especially forgoodreasons for guiding me to this wonderful site.
Just an update on whats going on.
After waiting for the last month for GA wife to file for divorce, I went ahead and filed last week.
I've been feeling much better about myself lately as I've been reading some of Melody Beattie's co-dependency books. I'm still going to gam-anon meetings and getting therapy. I also joined a gym to tone-up and feel better about myself. It's amazing how much better you feel after lifting weights. Alot of the people I've met at the gym are recovering addicts, so it's a lot like going to another meeting.
I don't talk to the wife much anymore unless she wants something, I haven't gave her any money in over a month so that makes me feel good. I do ask the kids if they have enough food or if they need anything and the answer I'm always given by the 14y/o daughter is they are O'k. Over this weekend the wife called and asked if I was happy. I didn't quite understand at first what she was getting at and asked her why she she wanted to know. She then asked if I was happy being a bachelor and enjoying my self as she somehow found out I joined a gym.
I told her it made me feel better and it only costs $35 a month. She said $35 would buy a lot of groceries for the kids and that she didn't have money to buy food. I told her that was the first I'd known about not having food for the kids. She went on to say I should know how much it takes to feed 4 kids.
I had to hold back from telling her that I'd been checking up on her at nite and found her at the casino 3 times in the last week, I can't believe she was trying to make me feel guilty about spending $35 on myself when only god knows how much she had spent at the casino this past week.
I'm getting the feeling that she can't stand to see me happy and has to try to pull me down even though we're not together.
Thanks everyone, especially forgoodreasons for guiding me to this wonderful site.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 633
You are right about her not wanting to see you happy, she didn't file because she thought leaving you would be "punishment" and you were in the way of her addiction. Offer to take the kids shopping, I would guess she simply wants the cash for herself. In an A's mind only their needs matter, we are not supposed to have any problems or needs, it's all about them.
harleygirl92156
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: IOWA
Posts: 430
I don't know where you live, but here in our state if the father doesn't give support to the children it can be considered abandonment and can cause you to loose custody.
My suggestion:
DO NOT GIVE THIS WOMAN CASH!! Buy groceries and if possible have them delivered so you have documentation or have someone go with you to deliver them so you have a witness and of course keep all receipts.
Take the kids shopping for clothing and shoes, and again keep all receipts. If she has to pay rent, utilities, etc. and needs assistance, do not give her the money, pay the bill for the kids.
It could go a long way in the court system. I understand you not wanting to give her cash, and I strongly suggest you don't. Since you have proof of her gambling, you should be able your reason for purchasing your childrens needed items and food instead of just handing cash over to their mother in court very easily.
If you are checking up on her casino visits, document! Write it all down, get photos, gather witnesses and by all means fight for those children.
Good Luck
My suggestion:
DO NOT GIVE THIS WOMAN CASH!! Buy groceries and if possible have them delivered so you have documentation or have someone go with you to deliver them so you have a witness and of course keep all receipts.
Take the kids shopping for clothing and shoes, and again keep all receipts. If she has to pay rent, utilities, etc. and needs assistance, do not give her the money, pay the bill for the kids.
It could go a long way in the court system. I understand you not wanting to give her cash, and I strongly suggest you don't. Since you have proof of her gambling, you should be able your reason for purchasing your childrens needed items and food instead of just handing cash over to their mother in court very easily.
If you are checking up on her casino visits, document! Write it all down, get photos, gather witnesses and by all means fight for those children.
Good Luck
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 8
Hi harleygirl,
I'm just north of you in the land of 10,000 lakes and almost as many casinos. I did buy some school supplies that W asked that I would buy. I have let her ask me for things, I just don't show up with stuff unless her or the kids ask. She is the one that told me she didn't need or want anything from me. I do want to help but I don't want to keep enabling her to have money for the casino when that money should be going to the kids. She already spends the child support money from the two oldest kids to gamble. So I know where my child support money will go also, hopefully the court will see her as neglecting the kids.
She already had papers ready to hand to her attorney, I think what held her back was the lack of funds for the retainer. Finding these papers while searching for the deed to our house was what made me decide to go ahead with the divorce myself.
It's kind of funny that even though she wanted the divorce to be done with asap and wants nothing to do with me( or so she says) that her addiction is even stronger than her want for the divorce. I'm starting to feel kind of sorry for her. Don't get me wrong, I still love her and if she asked me back it would be hard to say no. I would say no but it would be very difficult.
I know I have a very long and tough road in front of me yet ,but I know I'll be o'k with the support of my new friends that I've met here. Thanks again everyone.
I'm just north of you in the land of 10,000 lakes and almost as many casinos. I did buy some school supplies that W asked that I would buy. I have let her ask me for things, I just don't show up with stuff unless her or the kids ask. She is the one that told me she didn't need or want anything from me. I do want to help but I don't want to keep enabling her to have money for the casino when that money should be going to the kids. She already spends the child support money from the two oldest kids to gamble. So I know where my child support money will go also, hopefully the court will see her as neglecting the kids.
She already had papers ready to hand to her attorney, I think what held her back was the lack of funds for the retainer. Finding these papers while searching for the deed to our house was what made me decide to go ahead with the divorce myself.
It's kind of funny that even though she wanted the divorce to be done with asap and wants nothing to do with me( or so she says) that her addiction is even stronger than her want for the divorce. I'm starting to feel kind of sorry for her. Don't get me wrong, I still love her and if she asked me back it would be hard to say no. I would say no but it would be very difficult.
I know I have a very long and tough road in front of me yet ,but I know I'll be o'k with the support of my new friends that I've met here. Thanks again everyone.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 8
Well, This weekend went good . I spent it with my twin girls that just turned 6, we visited my sister an hour away.
Before we left on Saturday, I found out through a relative that the gambling addicted wife has had an issue with gambling for the last 14 years. This person wasn't suprised when I told of why we are getting divorced. This person had borrowed money (that was never paid back) to my wife years earlier before I met her to pay off gambling debts.
After being told of this, I started getting angry at the wife again for trying to blame her gambling on me. It's very difficult for me not to feel both anger and love towards her, I guess thats the cody in me trying to come out.
Before we left on Saturday, I found out through a relative that the gambling addicted wife has had an issue with gambling for the last 14 years. This person wasn't suprised when I told of why we are getting divorced. This person had borrowed money (that was never paid back) to my wife years earlier before I met her to pay off gambling debts.
After being told of this, I started getting angry at the wife again for trying to blame her gambling on me. It's very difficult for me not to feel both anger and love towards her, I guess thats the cody in me trying to come out.
I can only change myself.
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Wisconeeeeeeeee
Posts: 61
Originally Posted by DaveR
It's very difficult for me not to feel both anger and love towards her, I guess thats the cody in me trying to come out.
Those two things come from a general expectation and need in this life. You expect to have a spouse who will protect, love and support you in your journey together. When that expectation is broken it is normal to feel a myriad of emotions ... sadness, anger, frustration and disappointment to name a few.
I think you've shown you aren't living your life needing your wife to fulfill it. You are making do with what you have to work with ... and right now that is your kids and yourself. Good for you for making the choice to move on. Who knows what the future holds.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
