A lazy drunk " THE LAZY A "
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Decatur, al
Posts: 3
A lazy drunk " THE LAZY A "
After reading several posts from others I realize I am not alone with a " lazy A ". Dealing with the things around the house that need to be done by both of us, but of course do not for weeks-months on end by the alcohol abuser seems common among some of us. I would love to hear from others on this.....thanks
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Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: madison, connecticut
Posts: 21
My husband is definitely a LAZY alcoholic. One example would be that my son (who is 10) is in cub scouts. One of his requirements this past year was to change a car's tire, check the oil & replace a headlight. I told my husband last summer that this needed to be done (my husband was a mechanic for 7 years, so he is more than qualified to do this). Finally this past December I had to ask my father to do these things with my son. It's rediculous. I drove around with a burned out headlight on my car for about 6 months. My husband (after months of me asking him to fix it) informed me that he needed some "special tool" to get the cover off my headlight. Finally I had someone else do it (amazingly no "special tool" was required. And as you know these stories of absolute laziness are endless.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: California
Posts: 329
Hello Jusbecawz!
I hear ya loud and clear!! My husband is a hard worker at his job. He is a self employed gardner so can pick and choose his hrs. How convenient! Around the house is a different story. He will let things go forever. My sink in our bedroom has not been working properly for over a year. I tryed to fix it and it worked for a short time and now all stopped up again. He needs to take it apart and says that he will but it gets forgotten as does the other things that need fixing. He is quick to tell me to shut off the lights and save electricity, and that he is the only one that feeds the animals. Funny how they get feed and fresh water given to them when he is drinking.They work when they feel like it when it comes to the house. If only I could be that lazy once in awhile.
Your not alone, take care,
matters
I hear ya loud and clear!! My husband is a hard worker at his job. He is a self employed gardner so can pick and choose his hrs. How convenient! Around the house is a different story. He will let things go forever. My sink in our bedroom has not been working properly for over a year. I tryed to fix it and it worked for a short time and now all stopped up again. He needs to take it apart and says that he will but it gets forgotten as does the other things that need fixing. He is quick to tell me to shut off the lights and save electricity, and that he is the only one that feeds the animals. Funny how they get feed and fresh water given to them when he is drinking.They work when they feel like it when it comes to the house. If only I could be that lazy once in awhile.
Your not alone, take care,
matters
Member
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Raleigh, NC (Jersey Girl transplant)
Posts: 676
The funny thing is how he thinks that he is working so hard around the house. He gets up at noon, vaccumes the living room, takes a shower, goes out drinking, then makes supper, leaves the dishes in the sink and lays on the couch watching tv until 3am. A hard day in the life!
Learning to love life...
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 529
I actually have to admit that I am the "lazy" one in this marriage. My husband is usually the one on my back about finishing all the projects I've started (I've tore apart half my house thinking I would be DONE redecorating). He is always cleaning the kitchen when it gets left for more than a couple of hours, he is always stressing and worrying about all the things we have to fix... BUT the laziness creeps in in different ways for him. For example: He gets lazy in his recovery. He puts off doing his steps, doesn't go to meetings if he's "tired", doesn't like to "talk" about US and about his Alcoholism... I KNOW there are reasons for this other than laziness.
And me? I am a procrastinator plain and simple... PUT OFF everything if I can.
Meg
And me? I am a procrastinator plain and simple... PUT OFF everything if I can.
Meg
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: PA
Posts: 2
Oh my gosh, I think our2jz is married to my husband. I had my usual freaking out at my husband last night because of his laziness and feeling alone in this situation decided to look around on the web and found this forum. I actually feel like I'm not losing my mind now. It's to the point that I do 95% of everything, he can't think for himself to do something on his own and when I ask for help, it can literally take years until he does it. We have a large property with dogs, horses and a goat. We both work full time and when we get home, I keep working until dark and he watches TV and drinks. He would rather supervise my work and comment on how I should have done something rather than jump in and help. I'm on a roll now that I can talk to someone, I don't want to involve my family, I'm embarrassed of my situation and try and make everything appear ok. Unfortunately my family comes around less and less, probably because my husband is usually drunk and repeats the same stories over and over. Ok I'm off to work and feeling pretty good that I finally vented.
Curled up in a good book...
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 1,542
I have a feeling that this thread will go on and on...
Wow - I'm not alone!!
Both of us work full time yet I'm the one who cleans, cooks, does laundry, feeds the 4 cats, cleans their litter, does most of the gardening (he will mow the lawn once a month) and then all the DIY around the house - all the while my AH gives 'helpful' pointers on how I'm doing it wrong or goes off in a huff if it isn't done right! I hate living in a mess and he knows it!
And then he has the cheek to tell me I don't 'do' anything, I just live in a box... (think this translates into I don't go and sit in a pub...)
I'm NOT his mother.
So, the cooking has stopped (cos, of course, he doesn't like what I make - who needs healthy eating anyway?). He buys his own food and cooks it. Still can't get him to clean up and do anything round the house though. Nevermind, once this place has been cleaned up with a lick of paint etc it's going on the market and I'm gone. Let him find another idiot to be his mother. If I wanted to be a mother I'd have kids.
ooooh, this turned into a rant!! Thanks for the thread - I think I needed that!!
Both of us work full time yet I'm the one who cleans, cooks, does laundry, feeds the 4 cats, cleans their litter, does most of the gardening (he will mow the lawn once a month) and then all the DIY around the house - all the while my AH gives 'helpful' pointers on how I'm doing it wrong or goes off in a huff if it isn't done right! I hate living in a mess and he knows it!
And then he has the cheek to tell me I don't 'do' anything, I just live in a box... (think this translates into I don't go and sit in a pub...)
I'm NOT his mother.
So, the cooking has stopped (cos, of course, he doesn't like what I make - who needs healthy eating anyway?). He buys his own food and cooks it. Still can't get him to clean up and do anything round the house though. Nevermind, once this place has been cleaned up with a lick of paint etc it's going on the market and I'm gone. Let him find another idiot to be his mother. If I wanted to be a mother I'd have kids.
ooooh, this turned into a rant!! Thanks for the thread - I think I needed that!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: ashamed ville
Posts: 311
I hear all of you loud and clear.
My ah is omg soooo lazy. We have a small yard. I mow the inside yard where the pool is (i also vacuum, do pool maintenance), he is supposed to do outside the fence. All the grass outside the fence at the moment is 3 feet high. I refuse to do it.
I take care of the animals, bills and everthing else that goes on in a household.
We gutted our first floor 13 years ago when I was pregnant with twins. Needless to say 13 years later we still need workwork and paint.
He tore wallpaper off bathroom upstairs 5 years ago and it's still the same. Bathroom needs to be remodeled.
I refuse to do his laundry now. When I did do his laundry it would stay on dining room table till I brought it upstairs. He would just take clothes off table. Kids take their clothes up stairs now so why can't he. I started to make dinners around the kids (what they like, etc.). I can't remember the last time he cooked for me or the kids.
Projects around the house are half done. The siding on the house. His tools and fishing stuff is left in enclosed porch or by the basement stairs in the foyer. He can't even bring them downstairs.
A few times I would pick up his tools and leave them on his pillow. lololololol
He's going to school. Gets home by 12:30pm and naps for 4 hours. "I'm so exhausted" lolol
He's not too exhausted to go fishing at 8:00pm then get home at midnight.
I get up at 3:30am, work full time, get home at 1:00pm, clean house, shop, drive kids around to sports, etc., cook, do yard work, etc., bed by 9:30 and he's exhausted. wtf
And he has the nerve to say "walk a day in my shoes"
Well buddy, you walk a day in my shoes and you'll see what life is all about. Instead of being in your little selfish world.
I guess this turned into a rant also. lolololol
My ah is omg soooo lazy. We have a small yard. I mow the inside yard where the pool is (i also vacuum, do pool maintenance), he is supposed to do outside the fence. All the grass outside the fence at the moment is 3 feet high. I refuse to do it.
I take care of the animals, bills and everthing else that goes on in a household.
We gutted our first floor 13 years ago when I was pregnant with twins. Needless to say 13 years later we still need workwork and paint.
He tore wallpaper off bathroom upstairs 5 years ago and it's still the same. Bathroom needs to be remodeled.
I refuse to do his laundry now. When I did do his laundry it would stay on dining room table till I brought it upstairs. He would just take clothes off table. Kids take their clothes up stairs now so why can't he. I started to make dinners around the kids (what they like, etc.). I can't remember the last time he cooked for me or the kids.
Projects around the house are half done. The siding on the house. His tools and fishing stuff is left in enclosed porch or by the basement stairs in the foyer. He can't even bring them downstairs.
A few times I would pick up his tools and leave them on his pillow. lololololol
He's going to school. Gets home by 12:30pm and naps for 4 hours. "I'm so exhausted" lolol
He's not too exhausted to go fishing at 8:00pm then get home at midnight.
I get up at 3:30am, work full time, get home at 1:00pm, clean house, shop, drive kids around to sports, etc., cook, do yard work, etc., bed by 9:30 and he's exhausted. wtf
And he has the nerve to say "walk a day in my shoes"
Well buddy, you walk a day in my shoes and you'll see what life is all about. Instead of being in your little selfish world.
I guess this turned into a rant also. lolololol
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 10
this thread!my exabf was lazy too!!! he thought it was such a big deal the days he did a load of dishes and cooked dinner. never ever would put away his laundry. it would migrate from the bed where i put it to the floor and he'd just pick clothes up off the floor to wear. he couldn't even be bother lift up the toilet seat to pee. throw away trash and it misses the trash can? just left it there. cooked dinner and spilled something? didn't wipe it up and it would harden and get stuck to the counter. left dirty dishes all over the house, couldn't be bothered to move them to the sink. if he did actually bring a dish back to the kitchen, he'd leave it on the counter instead of putting it in the sink or dishwasher. my coffee table has a permanent stain now where he spilled something and didn't wipe it up and it seeped under the finish of the table
my apt is sooooo clean since he left though!!!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: ashamed ville
Posts: 311
Blah, you just reminded me of more lolololol
He makes his coffee in the AM and spilt coffee and sugar is left on counter stuck....
Trash bag from kitchen makes it to enclosed porch not the barrel. It's only open the door and walk 5 feet to the barrels.
Recycling bottles make it next to the fridge instead of walking to enclosed porch where recylcling bin is. porch is right next to kitchen.
He's so proud of himself when he does a load of laundry. But then forgets to put it in dryer so I have to rewash. Why bother washing clothes.
He also is too lazy to check pockets of clothes. He washed our sons ipod and I have to replace it.
The thread cracks me up to!!!!!!!!!
He makes his coffee in the AM and spilt coffee and sugar is left on counter stuck....
Trash bag from kitchen makes it to enclosed porch not the barrel. It's only open the door and walk 5 feet to the barrels.
Recycling bottles make it next to the fridge instead of walking to enclosed porch where recylcling bin is. porch is right next to kitchen.
He's so proud of himself when he does a load of laundry. But then forgets to put it in dryer so I have to rewash. Why bother washing clothes.
He also is too lazy to check pockets of clothes. He washed our sons ipod and I have to replace it.
The thread cracks me up to!!!!!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
So all of you with a lazy A, where do you fit in the picture? How are you improving your lives? What are you going to do about it other than gripe?
Personally I got tired of this particular form of abuse. Its abuse of me as a person, using me as the responsible adult in the hosuehold and choosing to not be an equal participant in the normal household chores and duties. I got fed up with an AH who literally did nothing but sleep, drink and sit on his big behind. And I decided to stop being used that way. I deserve much more in life than a partner who wasn't a partner.
Personally I got tired of this particular form of abuse. Its abuse of me as a person, using me as the responsible adult in the hosuehold and choosing to not be an equal participant in the normal household chores and duties. I got fed up with an AH who literally did nothing but sleep, drink and sit on his big behind. And I decided to stop being used that way. I deserve much more in life than a partner who wasn't a partner.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 110
Words of wisdom here Barbara52? Share with us.
My RAH has been lazy since he had an accident back in 2001 that broke his back and hip, along with crushing his sacrum. Even though he was active in his disease at the time of accident, he was always up doing laundry late (gave him an excuse to drink) and cleaning. He's a night owl, where I am a early to bed, early to rise type person.
Since his accident if I can get him up to attend to his business that he owns (how it is surviving I'll never know) he'll go line the guys out, go to a noon AA meeting then come home get into bed and NEVER budge. Yet he continually bit**** at me that the house is a wreck. We have 3 teenagers the oldeset is 17, the middle one is 15 1/2 and the youngest is 13 1/2. Laundry needs to be done, dishes need to be done. We all have chores, and consequences if they are not done, however he's home most of the day with them, where did his ability to do laundry go?
I work a full day (to provide health insurance) plus to his business' bookwork at night. I am exhausted. I also suffer with migraines to which when I have one, you can forget any sympathy from him, because it's all about him.
I rarely take a day off work. He averages 10 days a month off.
OMG! Talk about frustrating.
My RAH has been lazy since he had an accident back in 2001 that broke his back and hip, along with crushing his sacrum. Even though he was active in his disease at the time of accident, he was always up doing laundry late (gave him an excuse to drink) and cleaning. He's a night owl, where I am a early to bed, early to rise type person.
Since his accident if I can get him up to attend to his business that he owns (how it is surviving I'll never know) he'll go line the guys out, go to a noon AA meeting then come home get into bed and NEVER budge. Yet he continually bit**** at me that the house is a wreck. We have 3 teenagers the oldeset is 17, the middle one is 15 1/2 and the youngest is 13 1/2. Laundry needs to be done, dishes need to be done. We all have chores, and consequences if they are not done, however he's home most of the day with them, where did his ability to do laundry go?
I work a full day (to provide health insurance) plus to his business' bookwork at night. I am exhausted. I also suffer with migraines to which when I have one, you can forget any sympathy from him, because it's all about him.
I rarely take a day off work. He averages 10 days a month off.
OMG! Talk about frustrating.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
I can't give words of wisdom on how to get a lazy A to change. I only shared what I did. Leave. That was my choice. Its not necessarily the right choice for anyone else.
But I do know that there are always choices, always actions that can be taken. We may not like those choices. Not acting is also a choice. Perhaps a valid one. My intent in my first post was to point out that we all can take action in one form or another or we can gripe about it.
But I do know that there are always choices, always actions that can be taken. We may not like those choices. Not acting is also a choice. Perhaps a valid one. My intent in my first post was to point out that we all can take action in one form or another or we can gripe about it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
Posts: 1,078
"I just live in a box... (think this translates into I don't go and sit in a pub...)"
Just think about what u r missing;
# gibberish conversations with other "drunks"
# yelling and losing saliva while conversing with each other
# stumbling to and from the toilet
# cleverly arguing with the bartender that refuses to serve u more
# being bombarded with cigarette smoke(where permitted)
etc
Just think about what u r missing;
# gibberish conversations with other "drunks"
# yelling and losing saliva while conversing with each other
# stumbling to and from the toilet
# cleverly arguing with the bartender that refuses to serve u more
# being bombarded with cigarette smoke(where permitted)
etc
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 110
I guess my choice should be either leave or just quit bitching cause he's not going to change. The leaving is not a choice for me at this point in my life, with the exception of his laziness & accident our lives have never been better.
So, I guess when he starts in on me about the house, I'll hand him over the dusting cloth or toilet brush and say go for it dude.
Barbara52 you do have many words of wisdom to share each and everyday. I get a lot out of them daily. Thanks.
So, I guess when he starts in on me about the house, I'll hand him over the dusting cloth or toilet brush and say go for it dude.
Barbara52 you do have many words of wisdom to share each and everyday. I get a lot out of them daily. Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
Posts: 1,078
Well said Mrs. Caretaker/Enabler
Originally Posted by cem001 
Words of wisdom here Barbara52? Share with us.
My RAH has been lazy since he had an accident back in 2001 that broke his back and hip, along with crushing his sacrum. Even though he was active in his disease at the time of accident, he was always up doing laundry late (gave him an excuse to drink) and cleaning. He's a night owl, where I am a early to bed, early to rise type person.
Since his accident if I can get him up to attend to his business that he owns (how it is surviving I'll never know) he'll go line the guys out, go to a noon AA meeting then come home get into bed and NEVER budge. Yet he continually bit**** at me that the house is a wreck. We have 3 teenagers the oldeset is 17, the middle one is 15 1/2 and the youngest is 13 1/2. Laundry needs to be done, dishes need to be done. We all have chores, and consequences if they are not done, however he's home most of the day with them, where did his ability to do laundry go?
I work a full day (to provide health insurance) plus to his business' bookwork at night. I am exhausted. I also suffer with migraines to which when I have one, you can forget any sympathy from him, because it's all about him.
I rarely take a day off work. He averages 10 days a month off.
OMG! Talk about frustrating.
My RAH has been lazy since he had an accident back in 2001 that broke his back and hip, along with crushing his sacrum. Even though he was active in his disease at the time of accident, he was always up doing laundry late (gave him an excuse to drink) and cleaning. He's a night owl, where I am a early to bed, early to rise type person.
Since his accident if I can get him up to attend to his business that he owns (how it is surviving I'll never know) he'll go line the guys out, go to a noon AA meeting then come home get into bed and NEVER budge. Yet he continually bit**** at me that the house is a wreck. We have 3 teenagers the oldeset is 17, the middle one is 15 1/2 and the youngest is 13 1/2. Laundry needs to be done, dishes need to be done. We all have chores, and consequences if they are not done, however he's home most of the day with them, where did his ability to do laundry go?
I work a full day (to provide health insurance) plus to his business' bookwork at night. I am exhausted. I also suffer with migraines to which when I have one, you can forget any sympathy from him, because it's all about him.
I rarely take a day off work. He averages 10 days a month off.
OMG! Talk about frustrating.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 110
Steve11694-? I guess I didn't understand your post. I think my brain is going slow this morning. I understand the part of " Mrs. Caretaker/Enabler" I am a pro at enabling, but getting better. This disease is a funny, yet scary disease in it's effects on all the family.
Well said?
Like I said I am running slow. Sorry.
Well said?
Like I said I am running slow. Sorry.
Curled up in a good book...
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 1,542
thanks steve11694 for pointing out what I'm missing!!!
I don't think the alcohol makes him more lazy - I bet he'd be almost as bad without it, though he used to do more around the house.
I have plans for me! But, boy, is it good to vent a little - it helps keep me sane(ish) while I get myself organised! So yeah, I will be moving on but in the meantime, allow me space to vent just a little please?
I don't think the alcohol makes him more lazy - I bet he'd be almost as bad without it, though he used to do more around the house.
I have plans for me! But, boy, is it good to vent a little - it helps keep me sane(ish) while I get myself organised! So yeah, I will be moving on but in the meantime, allow me space to vent just a little please?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 129
It was useless energy that I was spending on someone else. Getting angry because he wouldnt help, and getting angry because he is not involved. I have spent way to much time worrying about what he was doing or what he wasnt doing. I decided to stop!!!
When I couldnt find arrangements for my kids to get where they needed to be going, I would ask my H and in an emergency he would.
I think his addiction ties him down. Everywhere I go there is no drinking ( my parents, sports for the kids, my softball games, band concerts) they all start around 6 or 7 pm right when he is ready to crack open his first beer. He would get upset if he had to pick them up, because that would mean he would have to hold off drinking until he completed his task, so he would hate it when I asked him because of his addiction and would B**, complain, sometimes he would just be irrational.
I found that I am much happier if I figure out what, who, how, where, why and what time do I have to be there by myself. When I get overwhelmed which I do, I have to stop and think of why I am feeling this way and how I can make myself feel better.
If I dont stop and really think about why I am angry, I will started blaming not just my H for being a lazy jerk, but my kids as well and start lashing out and screaming orders. I am not very pleasant to be around when I have gotten like this.
Most of the time I am okay, but there are sometimes, where I just want someone to be involved, to share, and I think I get sad and angry at myself and I guess feeling sorry for myself that I have chosen to live like this.
I am just realizing every day that I either have to accept my choices that I have made or change things for myself and stop feeling sorry for myself for things I can change if I really wanted.
I think this is where I have come to the terms I have absolutely no power in changing someone else, so I quit trying.
When I couldnt find arrangements for my kids to get where they needed to be going, I would ask my H and in an emergency he would.
I think his addiction ties him down. Everywhere I go there is no drinking ( my parents, sports for the kids, my softball games, band concerts) they all start around 6 or 7 pm right when he is ready to crack open his first beer. He would get upset if he had to pick them up, because that would mean he would have to hold off drinking until he completed his task, so he would hate it when I asked him because of his addiction and would B**, complain, sometimes he would just be irrational.
I found that I am much happier if I figure out what, who, how, where, why and what time do I have to be there by myself. When I get overwhelmed which I do, I have to stop and think of why I am feeling this way and how I can make myself feel better.
If I dont stop and really think about why I am angry, I will started blaming not just my H for being a lazy jerk, but my kids as well and start lashing out and screaming orders. I am not very pleasant to be around when I have gotten like this.
Most of the time I am okay, but there are sometimes, where I just want someone to be involved, to share, and I think I get sad and angry at myself and I guess feeling sorry for myself that I have chosen to live like this.
I am just realizing every day that I either have to accept my choices that I have made or change things for myself and stop feeling sorry for myself for things I can change if I really wanted.
I think this is where I have come to the terms I have absolutely no power in changing someone else, so I quit trying.
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