Report him for DUI?
cunning. baffling. powerful.
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: NY
Posts: 183
I'm sorry to hear about all the troubles you are having with your husband. I grew up in a home with an out of control alcoholic/addict and so just about everything you've written here are things I've witnessed.
To this day I still see my father struggling with his "love for his wife" vs. "the torment she puts him through". There have been very brief periods of sobriety where things looked up, but as long as my father refused to work a program of recovery along side his spouse's it didn't matter how many days of sobriety she racked up. There is a common saying in AA that the family of the alcoholic is sicker than the alcoholic themselves. And who wouldn't be after living with that crap?!
Now, my father is mentally ill. He's certifiably crazy and I think that my mom's alcoholism and his craziness are intertwined to the point where it's a crazy tangled mess that will never come undone.
Here is the point I am making. I'm in medical school and this is my only free summer. Students use it to work at clinics and gain practical experience. I haven't lived in my parents' house for 17 years, but when I was offered a practicum at a clinic near their house I asked if I could stay there for a few months. They said yes and since my mom had nearly two years sober (according to her AA coin collection) I thought it would be okay.
It wasn't. She wasn't sober and my father was crazier than ever. After a week and of threats to kill me, being thrown down stairs, and seeing my mom passed out on the floor I said "I'm out of here!". Detachment was attempted and impossible. They sought me out and tried to involve me in their games. I refused to play and so I packed my car and left.
I had nowhere to go. I worked at my clinic during the day and slept in my car and later at different homeless shelters at night. I showered at truck stops and campgrounds. I had nothing, but it didn't matter to me because I absolutely refuse to be in that situation ever again and I don't care what it takes. My father sticks it out because he's insane.
I don't think you're insane.
~SK
To this day I still see my father struggling with his "love for his wife" vs. "the torment she puts him through". There have been very brief periods of sobriety where things looked up, but as long as my father refused to work a program of recovery along side his spouse's it didn't matter how many days of sobriety she racked up. There is a common saying in AA that the family of the alcoholic is sicker than the alcoholic themselves. And who wouldn't be after living with that crap?!
Now, my father is mentally ill. He's certifiably crazy and I think that my mom's alcoholism and his craziness are intertwined to the point where it's a crazy tangled mess that will never come undone.
Here is the point I am making. I'm in medical school and this is my only free summer. Students use it to work at clinics and gain practical experience. I haven't lived in my parents' house for 17 years, but when I was offered a practicum at a clinic near their house I asked if I could stay there for a few months. They said yes and since my mom had nearly two years sober (according to her AA coin collection) I thought it would be okay.
It wasn't. She wasn't sober and my father was crazier than ever. After a week and of threats to kill me, being thrown down stairs, and seeing my mom passed out on the floor I said "I'm out of here!". Detachment was attempted and impossible. They sought me out and tried to involve me in their games. I refused to play and so I packed my car and left.
I had nowhere to go. I worked at my clinic during the day and slept in my car and later at different homeless shelters at night. I showered at truck stops and campgrounds. I had nothing, but it didn't matter to me because I absolutely refuse to be in that situation ever again and I don't care what it takes. My father sticks it out because he's insane.
I don't think you're insane.
~SK
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Jacksonville, FL
Posts: 240
Yikes SF, it DOES sound like we are married to the same man. And despite what his drinking has put me through, including infidelity, I do still love him. But, I love me more. I see no point in sacraficing 2 people for 1 person's sickness.
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