mallowcup

With the shootings at the college in Virginia, I think there is a real pinlight on threatening people. I'm glad your mouth spoke before your brain could stop it. I love what you told him in the car about turning him in. I bet you suprised yourself.

embraced2000

well, my x was court ordered not to consume, possess alcohol, or go into an establishment whose sole purpose was to sell alcohol......didn't stop him.

and the judicial system, so far, has done nothing about it all. it will catch up to him sooner or later.

but my point is......your hubs sounds very cavalier....like...so what!!??? just because the court said no-no, please have expectations only of yourself.

and i loved what you told him, chero!!!

mallowcup

Well this could be a part of your funk. It's hard to follow a mantra that says he will suffer the consequences of his own actions and then........there aren't any.

LGLG07

good for you chero ! You didnt even know you had that little statement in you ! Im glad he got probation and Im glad you had nothing to do with the situation too !

I thght about you most of the day ... glad its over for you !

hope3

My thoughts and prayers are with you chero

hope3

chero

Embraced, someone else told me last week to have low expectations...so I think you're right about that.

And yep, Hope, it's in writing!

I wonder if I'd really turn him in?? I don't know but it felt SSSOOOOO good to say it!

dollydo

Chero,

I hope you would turn him in, for him, time will tell, in the meantime, keep working on your recovery.

You sound good, and, I happy for you.

appleblaster

the stipulations of my exabf's PAROLE:

a curfew of 11 pm
no alcohol consumption
no drug use unless perscribed
no hanging out with other ex convicts
no bars
no clubs
no operating of any vehicles other than his own which was equipped w/a brethalyzer
no leaving the state of Louisiana w/o prior written permission
regular AA meetings


those were just a few. he violated every last one of those on a regular basis. i did not find out he went to prison for multiple DWI's and probation violation until we were dating for 5 months. i was already in love with him. sigh.....

when i read what you posted about him not being allowed to drink, I felt your hope and the pang of disappointment that hit because i am pretty sure he will. it is a compulsive, progressive disease. alcoholics are rule-breakers and this is just another rule he will break. i remember my exabf getting ready for his monthly PO visit, thinking that would "make him stay in line." every month i was let down. i say this based on what you've told us about your AH and how indeed he is cavalier about his sentence and seems arrogant about his problem (many alcoholics are).

this is the most critical point where you must mean what you say and say what you mean. do not give ultimatums or make statements unless you are totally, fully ready to back them up.

on the other hand, we are always here to back YOU up my friend.

elizabeth1979

Maybe this would be a good place for a boundary? Maybe try and have a game plan for what you will do if the situation does arise?

So glad you are doing good!

Sunflower

thats what I mean about mandated help--sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't--I personally am all for it. In a way it takes the pressure off you because if he does violate--it will be his fault not yours!!!