UGH...why do I feel guilty
full of hope
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
Hey, ya'll sign my AH up for a chat with the Golfman! I just had a yelling match with my hubby in the parking lot of a store over who was acting like a 12 year old!
Sometimes they just get the best of us!
Sometimes they just get the best of us!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Orange County, CA
Posts: 10
Golfman... thank you for your perspective and empowering words. It is only now with some distance that I am able to see and understand the manipulations by AH used on me... and I still live in fear that I may succomb to them again as he enters the rehab process and we work together on our marriage.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
I have learned that for me guilt is a learned response and is usually the result of me taking ownership of something that is not mine to own. I was trained from childhood to take on responsibility for evertyhing and everyone. This led to me feeling guilty anytime I acted as I wanted to act for me if anyone voiced an objection. It's taken time and effort but I am beating that particular monster back where it belongs.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 64
Golfman, thank you.
Ohio, don't feel guilty about wanting a better life for yourself. You deserve it! My AH makes me feel guilty and tries to put the blame on me all the time and I haven't worked up the strenght to make him move out yet (house is mine, I'm not leaving). So, please, hold your head high and bring strong and take care of yourself first!
Ohio, don't feel guilty about wanting a better life for yourself. You deserve it! My AH makes me feel guilty and tries to put the blame on me all the time and I haven't worked up the strenght to make him move out yet (house is mine, I'm not leaving). So, please, hold your head high and bring strong and take care of yourself first!
1 Corinthians 13:1-13 love
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: IL
Posts: 435
Your are not guilty of anything here. So what is there to feel guilty about? :-)
If he has one, he can always put the bills on a credit card. This would be an 'emergency.'
And they can't fire him from his job for going into treatment, that is illegal.
Guess you can go get that apartment?
If he has one, he can always put the bills on a credit card. This would be an 'emergency.'
And they can't fire him from his job for going into treatment, that is illegal.
Guess you can go get that apartment?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Northern KY
Posts: 168
They're good at throwing the guilt card.
Mine did it to me once when we split over money. The funny thing is he was living for free with someone else, drinking, popping pills, received a large chunk of money from work which he hid from me and still managed to take his then girlfriend on a trip to the place where WE went on honeymoon. All the while trying to guilt me!!!!!!
It's an easy card for them to play to make themselves feel better. If we feel badly then to them it means that they are right and we are wrong, giving them free reign to continue doing whatever.
Mine did it to me once when we split over money. The funny thing is he was living for free with someone else, drinking, popping pills, received a large chunk of money from work which he hid from me and still managed to take his then girlfriend on a trip to the place where WE went on honeymoon. All the while trying to guilt me!!!!!!
It's an easy card for them to play to make themselves feel better. If we feel badly then to them it means that they are right and we are wrong, giving them free reign to continue doing whatever.
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