Cynay

I agree with the thought process this is taking yes....

But I still not not agree with rudness, If someone wants to cuz up and storm, call names... we we know what happens then.

I still think people can be rude and even though they dont call a name... they give the impression of it by the tone of the post. I know that I have been guilty of it when a poster frustrates me.... but I also remember how much I probably frustrated other people when I was new.

My understanding of cross talking is this embrased.... Some meetings take a "vote" and decide there is not crosstalking. So when its my turn to talk, I am not intrupted, asked questions, smirking..etc... the group agrees to only listen to that person during the meeting allowing them to get out what they need to in a safe enviorment. Now that does not mean that after the meeting we dont talk in groups or seperate... it just means we dont during the meeting.

embraced2000

i see....i guess my al-anon meeting is more like this forum then, because we have open discussions....we follow the opening, read from courage to change and odat and if someone has a share concerning how the reading has effected them, then they do so....which sometimes opens up into a discussion....then we chose a topic and read passages relating to that topic...again, we all share what the topic means to us.

if someone is having a particular issue they can throw it out there and we will read passages relating to that issue.

are other al-anon meetings like this....

thanks
jeri

elizabeth1979

I go to more than one meeting. I have my home meeting and 2 others. Cross talk is not encouraged at my home meeting, but is ok at the other 2. I think everyone is different, in terms of what they benefit the most from, depending on the day they are having. I think this is a great reason to try more than one meeting before deciding its not for you.

Im a believer in al-anon, it works for me. I dont live with an alcoholic anymore, but the principles are ones that I apply to my life every day and really that program has saved my sanity.

Having said that, I have benefited largely from other programs as well. I think Empowered Recovery was maybe one of the first things that made sense to me. Many people dont agree and that is ok, because it only has to work for me, for me to see that its working

denny57

jeri, do your discussions include advice and then comments on whether someone else's share/advice is "right" or not? is it a back and forth kind of discussion, or just everyone sharing es&h on a particular topic? for example, are you free to say, well i think sandy's share wouldn't work because .. . .. .? thanks, i'm curious

embraced2000

denny....so far at our meetings i have never witnessed anyone else judging another persons choices...if someone gives a share, and there have been some really out there shares about stuff, everyone usually just says, "well, we've all felt the same way at times, or done the same things, or wanted to do the same things" etc., and then they are given verbal acceptance that they are heard and valued, no matter what the issue.

then they will explain what worked for them when they felt this way or that way, and pound, pound, pound into the newcomers heads, and sometimes the oldtimers heads when they have a slip of thinking, that everyones situation is unique, everyones arrival on the road to recovery is unique, and there is no time tables of any sort.

the one thing they do is insist on not talking about the alcoholics in our lives...they insist on focusing on us.....they insist upon translating in our own minds the events of an alcoholic episodic incident, and process in our own words how the effects of that incident made us think.

now, they will let a newcomer pour their heart out, just like they did for me. and they will listen, comfort, but i have yet to hear one comment about the alcoholics behavior cept this......"this is what alcoholics do. it is the symptoms of their disease."

that was weird for me in the beginning, cause when i would share with them about a horrific incident in vivid details about something my alcoholic had said, done, whatever,,,,,,they would just all act so sympathetic for the alcoholic......i thought they were all nuts in the beginning.

they always turn the situation around on the al-anon memeber, which i thought was so stupid, also. now i know why. but then it was just so damn frustrating....i was wanting to wail about his wrongdoings.


they would let me for a while, but then they would come in with full artillery.
they would turn it all around by saying things like.....what about you? what can you do for you in this situation? he is sick and will react this way....but what about you? what will you do to help yourself the next time it happens?
he is sick and it will probably happen again....what can you do to help keep yourself safe, happy, thriving"

i'd look at them like they had three heads.

i've never heard anyone criticize another...i've never heard another give advice on what one should do except take care of themselves.....that doesn't mean it doesn't happen....just that i've never heard it.

love to all
jeri

denny57

ok, thanks - that's no cross-talk in action.