BellaBlue

Merry Christmas to all who are suffering due to another's addiction. I wish ya'll posted more here.

I want to write today because once again, the addict's behavior has overshadowed a joyous time. After my son's 20+ years of alcoholism, numerous detoxes, several stays at rehab, including a half-way house, I have made the decision to block him from my life for now. His disastrous decisions recently have just been too much for me. The block has caused intense sadness, but I still feel a bit of relief knowing I don't have to hear his latest tale of woe. I have always countered his "people don't change" line with "they can if they really want to." I wonder ... maybe he can't - his mental state may really be deteriorating. But I've never seen him really work a program at all. He is essentially homeless, having burned almost all his bridges now. One friend is offering him help but it is very conditional - the ball truly is in his court to get sober and remain so and get a job or he is on the streets. I will never allow him here. Feels so cold and heartless as a mom, yet I know it is our reality and is necessary for all concerned.

Gettingcloser

My heart goes out to you, Bella. You are doing the right thing. The addiction is his life now and, as you say, it is up to him to choose sobriety. Sadly, I see a number of posts lately about people struggling with addicts in their lives.

BellaBlue

Thank you, Gettingcloser. Christmas always ups the ante for addicts - too much emotional baggage,I think.

His GF emailed to say he is back here in the states and entering rehab today. This is probably the 4th time - hard to keep track. I'm only passing my love and prayers on through the GF; I want him to know we are not abandoning him, just refusing to ride his roller coaster.

Schnook

I know this is a very late reply, but wanted you to know my life sounds very similar to yours. My son has been an alcoholic for nearly 20 years. He is just 37. I very recently also forbid him being at my home and having any interaction with him unless he is completely sober, which never happens. My heart goes out to you, I know how painful this is. You are also giving me strength.

BellaBlue

Thanks, Schook. Stay strong. I have been married to an alcoholic and mothered one. It's been my experience that they are incapable of a truly loving, mutually satisfying relationship with anyone. The self-centeredness doesn't allow for it.

I totally blocked him (phone and email) and explained I was doing so because of lies, manipulation and poor choices that were just so upsetting. I told him I was getting off his chaotic roller coaster and he would have to figure out his life. So he's in rehab now. I sent a card, called and left a message for him to call me, but he has not. I'm sure I will be "punished" for my decision. Unfortunately, sometimes it comes down to "it's you or me" as to who will survive. Sounds awful, doesn't it.