isolation

Old 02-12-2015, 07:13 AM
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Yes, although I am married and have that support - that is when this drama isn't creating so much stress that we pull away from each other - I have a 22 and 24 year old daughters who are both addicted to heroine. I don't know what to do anymore?
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Old 02-12-2015, 07:17 AM
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True - it is a dark secret in many families. This is a step for me putting it out in the public. Although I am sure my community is not stupid - when they see my daughters name in the paper for stealing and petty crime in an area well known for its heroine problem...hmmm...pretty obvious whats going on. Oh and it gets repeated on Facebook, Twitter, local web sites as well. So yeah, how humiliating for the poor parents like me who work hard, stay clean and follow the laws.
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Old 02-12-2015, 07:19 AM
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We all choose separate rooms in my family all the time. Sometimes its the only thing that keeps me from slapping the s#&* out of everyone
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Old 02-12-2015, 07:21 AM
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I hate to even go out - like what do you talk about? It sure isn't anything good. I try to focus on many of the little things to get myself through each day such as a sunrise. There is something good in every day but many times it is so overshadowed by gloom and decay from drug addicts taking my life hostage - it is hard to see it.
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Old 02-12-2015, 07:22 AM
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Go be with other recovering people. Its proven to work
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Old 02-12-2015, 07:23 AM
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True -
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Old 02-12-2015, 07:25 AM
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I find my one daughter constantly holing up. She says she is clean but her behavior says otherwise. Boy drug users are such good con artists too.
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Old 02-12-2015, 08:20 AM
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Thank you for this thread...the posts helped me to realize that I am in good company, if isolated. I am so grateful for this new area...it has a special energy that was not quite there on some of the other areas...although all had support and energy...just more differences. I am so grateful for reading this this am...and thank you for those who talked about what it used to be and what it is now...or if you are introverts...or being apart from husbands even when together...these things help me to heal a bit and to know that I am in some of the best company in the world...no matter how hard it is...and so hidden...and glad that there is naranon tonight.
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Old 02-12-2015, 12:10 PM
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Dear Artfriend and the rest of my trusted SR family,
I hope that was a joke...I find this new Forum a blessing in disguise! All the mommas and family friends who have posted are being painfully truthful, trusting in each other.
So far on this forum the "flaming" rule has been left at the back door. Which is so wonderful...meaning that we are feeling safe here, honest and asking and accepting support. I feel comforted here, especially when I can open up about my codependency and my daughters,
and fear and isolation. How safe it feels when I'm scared and afraid, that there are others
here telling me that I'm NOT alone or to blame...verses "go see a therapist or stop the "pity party" etc. my feelings and thoughts are REAL and the pain is REAL.
Let's walk together, offer support or a cyber shoulder or (((hug)))
We need each other and most defiantly accept each others stories and isolation.
I attend silently the Tuesday/Friday chat meetings and have gained so much...
Maybe Opi or Ladybug can help set up a chat meeting for us, if there's enough of us
to "try" a F&F meeting, with all the bells and whistles and rules and hope and joy and
that precious support we have all come here to learn about.
Opi, sorry, but I'm PMing you right now to see if this can be set up sooner than later.
Anyone else in or interested?
Thank you for listening, it's so hard to love that child we remember...the child with a disease
of addiction.
Respectfully,
TF
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Old 02-12-2015, 12:29 PM
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I'm interested Twofish. I think it was a joke.. I took it that way anyway. I get it as just thinking about chatting is a bit scarey to me. I'm not sure if I could just jump in so to speak and hope others are less apprehensive or more spontaneous than I am to get things rolling. I might sit and just watch a while but I would certainly be there. However, I'm not sure I can even get into chat because, when I click on it, it says I'm missing some plugin.
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Old 02-12-2015, 12:41 PM
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Dear Turtle,
It's not really "chatting" it's a meeting with rules and you are called apon and there's
no cross talking, so when you wish to talk, you are called apon by the meeting leader
and then you have the stage to say whatever is bothering or questioning your situation.
They have a set "topic"
but always accept "off topics" too.
I've been attending the chat meetings for a long time and have yet to ask to be called
apon. I'm timid and shy, but I do agree, give hugs, smile, and *nods, when I feel it's
appropriate to me and the called apon speakers.
Oddly to me, I feel good after these meetings. After the 1 hr meeting we all can return to
The regular chat room and chat away....so fun, and it's NOT always about addiction.
I'm working on it, let's try it and see how "addicting" these meetings can be?
XOX
TF
PS they offer "free" transporting to the meetings. I am on a iPad so I find it hard to get
in sometimes, but believe me, 100% of the time I've been transported in when I
get lost, this momma is old, and I need techno help constantly! The mods are great!
SR chat meetings really do care about its members.
TF
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Old 02-12-2015, 01:23 PM
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We've held Friends and Family Chat Meetings in the past. Due to poor attendance they were cancelled.

If there's enough interest, we can certainly entertain the possibility again.

We need a volunteer to chair the meeting, they must be approved by the administration.

When that step is completed, I'd be happy to help said "chair" get familiar with the Meeting guidelines, etc.
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Old 02-12-2015, 03:09 PM
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Dear Opi,
I nominate YOU for our leader! You are so wonderful with the SR family and respected
as the woman you are! I know you are busy, but us codie isolated mommas and family
members arn't really going anywhere, are we?
Actually all the Social network mods are great! You just have patients with me when I
get lost and need transporting...ha ha!
Love Ya!
TF
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Old 02-15-2015, 03:32 PM
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equanamama...wanted to thank you the first day you posted...have been struggling terribly with this and it is not going to end any time soon and has been going on and escalating for a long time...as my oldest non-using addict is 35 and she was 17 when she started, my second non-using addict is 28 and she was 14 when she started...and now my active addict is 22.

It has been amazing to see how this particular addict has given a focus (as well as me as the major codependent mama of all) to all the denial that has descended upon these now adult children who are certain that all they were doing is having 'fun' in high school and were not addicted or out of control.

I never envisioned...but it is real and true and not likely to change by any efforts of my own...so am in a different phase of recovery...and acceptance...and just letting go. All of these kids are adults now...they were not on the last go round. I have learned a lot on all the rounds...and realize (painfully and it is still there but I am taking the steps as best I can) that I have raised my children...and been a good wife and a good provider for the family in the midst of a lot of issues.

Now I need to progress more on taking care of me...and it is really hard...but anything else seems to end up upside down anyway...and making my life worse and quite frankly, it is hard to envision what I am going to do if it truly gets any worse...although it is always a possibility...so I am standing straight and reading as much literature as possible (less on the drug part as I am pretty well educated on all the drugs that my kids used...ecstasy, cocaine, crystal meth, and heroin--which seem like a well balanced spread of bad, worse and here I use bad english just to laugh...worser?).

in any case, equanmama...i needed a few days to be able to focus on how to write your name (yep...I was at a pretty hard place and sort of floundering when the post came out) but it was so on target and the other posts helped immensely and I thank you for bringing it up...and for all for being so honest and factual and specific which always helps me (if it is too general or not specific enough...I don't tend to 'get' it until I have gone through so much it takes recovery to get through recovery)--yes, you can laugh...I know that I tend to take the hardest path and that is not always necessary; has always been part of me...but at least I have come awake to that...and am praying for guidance and strength step by step...and this post was one of those answers.

Thanks again.
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Old 02-15-2015, 03:38 PM
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P.S.--I am interested in a chat meeting with rules...however it works...attended some on naranon.org when I first came back here in September and it was so calming...since going to my Thursday person to person and through other stuff...have not gone...but I am very interested with this group as I feel a sense of things in common and more comfort and less need to be careful with my words due to the wider and less consistent forum participants...with many being there with spouses or partners but not children. Please let me know and I will do my darndest...routines take a while for me to establish...and have had many many changes over the last several months...this, however...would be wonderful!
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Old 02-16-2015, 06:53 AM
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irisgardens,

thank you, it is good to know that my post affected you. i have been not here as often since i don't know what to say. My daughter has not answered any calls except about the recipes she wants to try. i have been super busy at work and want to keep my head above water there. i am doing my best to keep on with my life, i had started some things that are long term goals for me an wasn't sure if i could continue, well when she doesn't answer the hone i guess i still get to work on my goals.

i have to tell you all about the ways i am adding things to my life for less isolation. one is that i am studying with a buddhist nun in facilitation of meditation groups. there is a group of us working together in study and practice, the funny thing is that we are from all over the place. we have conference calls and one person is in scotland, i am in the mountain time zone with several people and there are others across the US. it is amazing to have connection like this not in person. we do meet a couple times a year so that helps the connection. And then next weekend i am going to a meet up for people who are high sensitive or empathic to help practice self care techniques. i will let you know how that goes.

it helps take the edge off of worry,
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Old 02-16-2015, 08:01 AM
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Agnes, I can TOTALLY relate! I have changed my grocery store, post office, you name it. My husband doesn't understand. He feels that our son's behavior and addiction are our son's problem, not ours. My husband can hold his head head in our community, where we have been highly involved for the past 25 years. I feel like the school counselors are saying " I told you so" and friends are saying "what's wrong in THAT family that their 25 y.o. is an alcoholic? " . Amazingly, our son had a very happy childhood... just the luck of the draw sometimes, I guess!
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Old 02-16-2015, 08:26 AM
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equanamama...that is truly great...along the paths I need to go, but have let myself get manipulated into another direction.
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Old 02-16-2015, 07:54 PM
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I haven't read all of the responses but I just got back on here because I have been feeling so isolated and saw your post. I'm divorced as well. I have a 16 year old daughter and my AS is 18 and in rehab. Court ordered but he's been there three months already. I just feel like this has changed me so deeply that going out and "partying" with my boyfriend seems so fake and I can't even stand being around all of the "partying" my bf doesn't really seem to understand my sons addiction and says I'm an enabler which I'm trying to work on. It IS so hard to not talk about the addicted child to friends and family because it consumes us. I just want to crawl in a hole sometimes. I pray to God a lot. I always wish I could meet a guy who understands addiction like his son or daughter went through it and is doing well to give me hope. I've turned into a bit of a loaner. I'm here if you need to talk or vent. You can always PM me. ((HUGS))
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Old 02-16-2015, 08:18 PM
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I'm interested. Two fish
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