GOING TO MEETINGS AND WORKING THE STEPS...now don't run away from this one
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
GOING TO MEETINGS AND WORKING THE STEPS...now don't run away from this one
The foundation of our recovery is a wonderful 12-step program. These steps sound simple and they are. They are clear and uncomplicated and are listed at the top of this forum.
Working the steps takes time, focus, practice and patience. It is not a "12-step in 12 week pick up your diploma" program. It is a lifelong blueprint that, when followed, will allow us to build healthy, happy, spiritual lives and maintain our balance in even the rockiest of times. We learn to love ourselves and love others and love and trust a Higher Power. And we learn that by applying these principals in all our affairs, there is hope for serenity.
When we share a suggestion to go to meetings, get a sponsor and work the steps, this means that you need to make the first move. Live meetings provide support and fellowship right where you live, and a sponsor will work with you, one on one, to guide you through the steps and explain what each one means and suggest ways to work it.
My she-devil sponsor has a heart of gold and will whack me with the skillet any time she feels it is needed. She is open-minded and empathetic, and is honest enough to call me on any whining or excuse making. And she gives me assignments...things to think about and discuss at our next meeting, written work about each step, reading assignments and service work. God bless her for taking me into her heart.
That said, I am opening this thread for discussion and questions as to how you apply any or all of this to your recovery. Don't be shy, even if you have never worked one step or been to one meeting. We are all in this together, and none of us are too new or too experienced to join in.
We are here to SHARE our experience, strength and hope, so don't go running away LOL.
I'll start with a couple of questions to ponder, but feel free to join in on anything you want to discuss.
1. What do meetings mean to you? Are you afraid or embarrassed to go? If you have gone, how have they helped you?
2. What does "working the steps" mean to you. How have they helped you in your recovery? What confuses you about the steps?
3. How did you find your sponsor? or What do you want to know about sponsorship?
4. What work are you prepared to do to move forward in your recovery? And What holds you back?
Okay, I think you get the idea. Give it some thought and share with us here. Remember that we have all been through the same trials and this thread is about sharing not an instruction manual.
Oldtimers and newcomers are all welcome. Hop right in.
Working the steps takes time, focus, practice and patience. It is not a "12-step in 12 week pick up your diploma" program. It is a lifelong blueprint that, when followed, will allow us to build healthy, happy, spiritual lives and maintain our balance in even the rockiest of times. We learn to love ourselves and love others and love and trust a Higher Power. And we learn that by applying these principals in all our affairs, there is hope for serenity.
When we share a suggestion to go to meetings, get a sponsor and work the steps, this means that you need to make the first move. Live meetings provide support and fellowship right where you live, and a sponsor will work with you, one on one, to guide you through the steps and explain what each one means and suggest ways to work it.
My she-devil sponsor has a heart of gold and will whack me with the skillet any time she feels it is needed. She is open-minded and empathetic, and is honest enough to call me on any whining or excuse making. And she gives me assignments...things to think about and discuss at our next meeting, written work about each step, reading assignments and service work. God bless her for taking me into her heart.
That said, I am opening this thread for discussion and questions as to how you apply any or all of this to your recovery. Don't be shy, even if you have never worked one step or been to one meeting. We are all in this together, and none of us are too new or too experienced to join in.
We are here to SHARE our experience, strength and hope, so don't go running away LOL.
I'll start with a couple of questions to ponder, but feel free to join in on anything you want to discuss.
1. What do meetings mean to you? Are you afraid or embarrassed to go? If you have gone, how have they helped you?
2. What does "working the steps" mean to you. How have they helped you in your recovery? What confuses you about the steps?
3. How did you find your sponsor? or What do you want to know about sponsorship?
4. What work are you prepared to do to move forward in your recovery? And What holds you back?
Okay, I think you get the idea. Give it some thought and share with us here. Remember that we have all been through the same trials and this thread is about sharing not an instruction manual.
Oldtimers and newcomers are all welcome. Hop right in.
Guest
Posts: n/a
I am going to be truthful here. It may not help, but I'll start.
1. What do meetings mean to you? Are you afraid or embarrassed to go? If you have gone, how have they helped you?
I don't want to go to meetings. I work long hours and I'm just to tired to make the effort. I feel that I get what I need here.
2. What does "working the steps" mean to you. How have they helped you in your recovery? What confuses you about the steps?
I have not formally worked the steps, but I think in my growth through the years I have used the same format. I would like to formally work the steps. I have trouble because I don't know anyone at this point that I trust enough to share personal information with. I may have found someone who can help with this.
3. How did you find your sponsor? or What do you want to know about sponsorship?
I don't have a sponsor and I don't think I want one at this point in my life. I have all of you here to whack me with the skillet and offer support. I also have a friends who are old timers in AA that keep me in check.
4. What work are you prepared to do to move forward in your recovery? And What holds you back?
I am prepared to move ahead at all cost based on my motivation to grow spiritually. Fear holds me back and lack of knowledge holds me back.
These are not the best answers, but they are true.
Hugs,
MG
1. What do meetings mean to you? Are you afraid or embarrassed to go? If you have gone, how have they helped you?
I don't want to go to meetings. I work long hours and I'm just to tired to make the effort. I feel that I get what I need here.
2. What does "working the steps" mean to you. How have they helped you in your recovery? What confuses you about the steps?
I have not formally worked the steps, but I think in my growth through the years I have used the same format. I would like to formally work the steps. I have trouble because I don't know anyone at this point that I trust enough to share personal information with. I may have found someone who can help with this.
3. How did you find your sponsor? or What do you want to know about sponsorship?
I don't have a sponsor and I don't think I want one at this point in my life. I have all of you here to whack me with the skillet and offer support. I also have a friends who are old timers in AA that keep me in check.
4. What work are you prepared to do to move forward in your recovery? And What holds you back?
I am prepared to move ahead at all cost based on my motivation to grow spiritually. Fear holds me back and lack of knowledge holds me back.
These are not the best answers, but they are true.
Hugs,
MG
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Thanks MG -
I admire your honesty and this obviously works well for you. Your strength and courage reflect the progress you have made and I value your opinions.
If you want any help with understanding the 12-steps relative to codependency, there is a terrific book by Melody Beattie called "Codependents' Guide to the Twelve Steps".
Like most of her writings, it is written in a clear and easy to understand way, and offers suggestions and explanation with each step. It's a great read.
Like you, I am often too tired or work too late to make my weekly meeting. That's where I, too, find these boards great support. But I also like the live action...and my she-devil sponsor usually likes to meet just before or just after the meeting LOL. She has been away much of the summer, so we have had "phone" meetings...I like those because she can't see me grimace when she skillet whacks me.
There are many ways to work this program, and what works for one isn't always what works for someone else. It is a personal experience.
Thanks for sharing this.
I admire your honesty and this obviously works well for you. Your strength and courage reflect the progress you have made and I value your opinions.
If you want any help with understanding the 12-steps relative to codependency, there is a terrific book by Melody Beattie called "Codependents' Guide to the Twelve Steps".
Like most of her writings, it is written in a clear and easy to understand way, and offers suggestions and explanation with each step. It's a great read.
Like you, I am often too tired or work too late to make my weekly meeting. That's where I, too, find these boards great support. But I also like the live action...and my she-devil sponsor usually likes to meet just before or just after the meeting LOL. She has been away much of the summer, so we have had "phone" meetings...I like those because she can't see me grimace when she skillet whacks me.
There are many ways to work this program, and what works for one isn't always what works for someone else. It is a personal experience.
Thanks for sharing this.
believer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: walking in faith
Posts: 1,023
Hi all,
I'm new to this recovery board, but not new to Al-anon/Nar-anon. Sheesh, I qualify for so many anons (the two I mentioned, plus CoDA, ACoA) that I often don't know where to lay my hat! But I'm glad to read this topic b/c I recently reached a turning point on my road to recovery.
I finally realized that even though I've been aware of the 12 steps, I've never formally worked them, and I've never made any real progress b/c of it. In the past I've used online forums to get me through an immediate crisis, and once it has passed, I usually stop attending those sessions. I've only been to one f2f meeting, but didn't find the fellowship I was looking for, and I haven't tried out any others.
Recently, recognizing that I am codependent and that I have certain tendencies in my life that exist whether or not my A is in recovery, I have finally realized that I need to work the 12 steps in order to find some peace and serenity in my life. So what does that mean to me? I'm aware of CoDA meetings in my area and one day I may actually attend one. But in the mean time, I've been reading/studying "Codependent No More" and "The Codependents Guide to the 12 steps". These books have become my bibles. I'm now approaching my recovery as if I were taking a course, studying the books every day, thinking about the questions and writing down answers. And each day I'm becoming more mindful of things I say and do that have kept me following the same destructive patterns, and just by becoming aware of this behavior, I'm in a better position to understand it and change it. I also attend online meetings whenever I can and read the message boards religiously.
All in all, I spend a lot of time thinking about and working on my recovery. I now understand "detachment" and "enabling" and am working hard to detach from and release my A, while stopping my enabling habits, of which I unfortunately have many! This recovery approach may not follow a traditional style, but so far it's really been working for me. And as time goes on, I'll make adjustments as needed.
Taking my journey odaat.
I'm new to this recovery board, but not new to Al-anon/Nar-anon. Sheesh, I qualify for so many anons (the two I mentioned, plus CoDA, ACoA) that I often don't know where to lay my hat! But I'm glad to read this topic b/c I recently reached a turning point on my road to recovery.
I finally realized that even though I've been aware of the 12 steps, I've never formally worked them, and I've never made any real progress b/c of it. In the past I've used online forums to get me through an immediate crisis, and once it has passed, I usually stop attending those sessions. I've only been to one f2f meeting, but didn't find the fellowship I was looking for, and I haven't tried out any others.
Recently, recognizing that I am codependent and that I have certain tendencies in my life that exist whether or not my A is in recovery, I have finally realized that I need to work the 12 steps in order to find some peace and serenity in my life. So what does that mean to me? I'm aware of CoDA meetings in my area and one day I may actually attend one. But in the mean time, I've been reading/studying "Codependent No More" and "The Codependents Guide to the 12 steps". These books have become my bibles. I'm now approaching my recovery as if I were taking a course, studying the books every day, thinking about the questions and writing down answers. And each day I'm becoming more mindful of things I say and do that have kept me following the same destructive patterns, and just by becoming aware of this behavior, I'm in a better position to understand it and change it. I also attend online meetings whenever I can and read the message boards religiously.
All in all, I spend a lot of time thinking about and working on my recovery. I now understand "detachment" and "enabling" and am working hard to detach from and release my A, while stopping my enabling habits, of which I unfortunately have many! This recovery approach may not follow a traditional style, but so far it's really been working for me. And as time goes on, I'll make adjustments as needed.
Taking my journey odaat.
It is what it is!!!
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Sobriety
Posts: 5,767
Okay - here goes.
Meetings -
I do not go to as many as I used to in my earlier years of recovery. I love live meetings. I love listening to others A's share. Even with the clean time that I am blessed to have I still get nervous when I think about speaking. But i do it more than I used to. The last time I chaired a meeting was in April after I lost a friend to this disease. I went to a meeting and shared how I felt, then friend suggested to the secretary that I speak the next week, so I did. that is fellowship working. I needed to speak about the good things in recovery to get through the death of my friend.
The steps -
Workiing the steps saved my life. Sounds dramatic but it is true. By working the steps I was ablle to let let go of shame and guilt over things that I did and that were done to me. I was able to let go of anger that I had carried for years. I was able to finally grieve over the death of my father in 1982, and so on an so - I could go on for days about what the steps have done for me.
I need to get off my butt and work them again.
I have to stop for now and fix dinner for my family.
Love to you all - and Ann thank you for starting such a wonderful topic.
Meetings -
I do not go to as many as I used to in my earlier years of recovery. I love live meetings. I love listening to others A's share. Even with the clean time that I am blessed to have I still get nervous when I think about speaking. But i do it more than I used to. The last time I chaired a meeting was in April after I lost a friend to this disease. I went to a meeting and shared how I felt, then friend suggested to the secretary that I speak the next week, so I did. that is fellowship working. I needed to speak about the good things in recovery to get through the death of my friend.
The steps -
Workiing the steps saved my life. Sounds dramatic but it is true. By working the steps I was ablle to let let go of shame and guilt over things that I did and that were done to me. I was able to let go of anger that I had carried for years. I was able to finally grieve over the death of my father in 1982, and so on an so - I could go on for days about what the steps have done for me.
I need to get off my butt and work them again.
I have to stop for now and fix dinner for my family.
Love to you all - and Ann thank you for starting such a wonderful topic.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Hi Journeygal - and welcome to our forum.
Those books are excellent. Another Melody Beattie book that you will see quoted here often, is "The Language Of Letting Go".
One area where attending a meeting may help is having a person to work through the steps with, usually a sponsor, but it can be anyone who has worked the steps themselves and has an understanding of them and what they mean.
It is so easy to undestimate the power of these steps. Most of us understand the power and difficulty in working Step 1 "We admitted we were powerless over drugs/alcohol/others and our lives had become unmanageable". Well, the other 11 Steps are just as powerful, each in its own way. Easier said than done.
I hope you will find the support and fellowship you are looking for here. We are one big happy family and welcome newcomers.
Those books are excellent. Another Melody Beattie book that you will see quoted here often, is "The Language Of Letting Go".
One area where attending a meeting may help is having a person to work through the steps with, usually a sponsor, but it can be anyone who has worked the steps themselves and has an understanding of them and what they mean.
It is so easy to undestimate the power of these steps. Most of us understand the power and difficulty in working Step 1 "We admitted we were powerless over drugs/alcohol/others and our lives had become unmanageable". Well, the other 11 Steps are just as powerful, each in its own way. Easier said than done.
I hope you will find the support and fellowship you are looking for here. We are one big happy family and welcome newcomers.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Pauline
I think we posted over top of each other LOL. Thank you for sharing about this with us.
Like you, these steps and this program saved my life too. Sounds like an overstatement, but I am certain that without them I would not be in any good place right now.
And I thank God and this program for the beautiful place where i am.
Thank you Pauline.
I think we posted over top of each other LOL. Thank you for sharing about this with us.
Like you, these steps and this program saved my life too. Sounds like an overstatement, but I am certain that without them I would not be in any good place right now.
And I thank God and this program for the beautiful place where i am.
Thank you Pauline.
I used to work here ;)
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: I live in Trevose, PA & collect Barbies :)
Posts: 2,024
Hi All,
I was pondering over this, not really avoiding, not really
Anyway, like everyone else I will try to be very honest in my replies.
1. What do meetings mean to you? Are you afraid or embarrassed to go? If you have gone, how have they helped you?
I am not embarrassed to go to meetings and the meetings that I went to were very helpful at the time I went. The beginners meetings helped me to recognize that I needed to focus on me and not anyone else but me. When I ventured out, I found the "home meeting" that was close to me to be very "clicky", everyone seemed to know each other for so long, I almost felt intrusive. I seem to find the support I need right here.
2. What does "working the steps" mean to you. How have they helped you in your recovery? What confuses you about the steps?
I can honestly say I don't think I work the steps. I read them often, and I understand them to a point. I could be applying these steps without knowing it and I hope that I do. I suppose that going to the face to face meetings and getting a sponsor would help me to understand them more and work them.
3. How did you find your sponsor? or What do you want to know about sponsorship?
I guess I sort of answered that above. I don't have a sponsor and I would assume a sponsor would give a better understanding of the program and the steps.
4. What work are you prepared to do to move forward in your recovery? And What holds you back?
Well, I think I have moved forward by reaching out and focusing on myself. I really do hope to go to more face to face meetings and perhaps find a sponsor down the road. I think time constraints and the thought of a bigger change scares me to death. But I know its okay to take baby steps and I will reach the point where I should be, some day. It might just take a little longer.
There you go
Many hugs.
Love,
Debbie
I was pondering over this, not really avoiding, not really
Anyway, like everyone else I will try to be very honest in my replies.
1. What do meetings mean to you? Are you afraid or embarrassed to go? If you have gone, how have they helped you?
I am not embarrassed to go to meetings and the meetings that I went to were very helpful at the time I went. The beginners meetings helped me to recognize that I needed to focus on me and not anyone else but me. When I ventured out, I found the "home meeting" that was close to me to be very "clicky", everyone seemed to know each other for so long, I almost felt intrusive. I seem to find the support I need right here.
2. What does "working the steps" mean to you. How have they helped you in your recovery? What confuses you about the steps?
I can honestly say I don't think I work the steps. I read them often, and I understand them to a point. I could be applying these steps without knowing it and I hope that I do. I suppose that going to the face to face meetings and getting a sponsor would help me to understand them more and work them.
3. How did you find your sponsor? or What do you want to know about sponsorship?
I guess I sort of answered that above. I don't have a sponsor and I would assume a sponsor would give a better understanding of the program and the steps.
4. What work are you prepared to do to move forward in your recovery? And What holds you back?
Well, I think I have moved forward by reaching out and focusing on myself. I really do hope to go to more face to face meetings and perhaps find a sponsor down the road. I think time constraints and the thought of a bigger change scares me to death. But I know its okay to take baby steps and I will reach the point where I should be, some day. It might just take a little longer.
There you go
Many hugs.
Love,
Debbie
It is what it is!!!
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Sobriety
Posts: 5,767
Okay dinner is done. Let me answer the last two questions.
I have had a few sponsors but I always end up reaching out for the director of the program I went to. Now I am going to be honest in fear of being judged here.
First let me say that I do not recommed this to anyone, it is an unwritten rule that women should sponsor women and men should sponsor men (for obvious reasons). Well the director of the rehab program I went to is a man who is about 67 yrs. old, now he was about 60 when I met him (he looks way older), he just last year celebrated 25 years of sobriety. He started the program out of his house with men only. When I committed myself to his program it was his first womens house ever and he counseld each of us each week. He worked the first round of steps with me. I have told this man more things than I have ever told anyone in my life. He was the first person in my life that I was ever truly honest with and to this day he is my dearest friend. He will call me on my s*** without any hesitation at all and he can read me like a book. I don't like to tell people that I worked the steps with a man because I have been judged before. I would not suggest anyone else do this unless they were in a situation like mine where he was the director of a inhouse program. To this day he is the one I call when I am in trouble.
I do know that I need to get off my butt and find a woman sponsor here closer. he is 1 1/2 hrs away now and I don't see him as much as I should.
I have to tell you that I was fearful to share that with you - but I did it.
Lastly, moving forward in my recovery today is learning to open up more and stay out of my head. I am beginning to work on my codependecy issues more (always remembering that i am an A). And moving foward should also be finding a local sponsor who would keep me in check more and encourage me to attend more meetings.
Thanks for letting me ramble (which I do so well LOL)
I have had a few sponsors but I always end up reaching out for the director of the program I went to. Now I am going to be honest in fear of being judged here.
First let me say that I do not recommed this to anyone, it is an unwritten rule that women should sponsor women and men should sponsor men (for obvious reasons). Well the director of the rehab program I went to is a man who is about 67 yrs. old, now he was about 60 when I met him (he looks way older), he just last year celebrated 25 years of sobriety. He started the program out of his house with men only. When I committed myself to his program it was his first womens house ever and he counseld each of us each week. He worked the first round of steps with me. I have told this man more things than I have ever told anyone in my life. He was the first person in my life that I was ever truly honest with and to this day he is my dearest friend. He will call me on my s*** without any hesitation at all and he can read me like a book. I don't like to tell people that I worked the steps with a man because I have been judged before. I would not suggest anyone else do this unless they were in a situation like mine where he was the director of a inhouse program. To this day he is the one I call when I am in trouble.
I do know that I need to get off my butt and find a woman sponsor here closer. he is 1 1/2 hrs away now and I don't see him as much as I should.
I have to tell you that I was fearful to share that with you - but I did it.
Lastly, moving forward in my recovery today is learning to open up more and stay out of my head. I am beginning to work on my codependecy issues more (always remembering that i am an A). And moving foward should also be finding a local sponsor who would keep me in check more and encourage me to attend more meetings.
Thanks for letting me ramble (which I do so well LOL)
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Thanks Barbiedeb and Pauline
Like I said at the beginning, we all have to work this prgram in the way that is right for us.
Pauline, my sponsor is a woman, but I have a really dear friend who is a man 70 years old who was director of a recovery house for men that my son went to. He is also an elder in one of the churches that I go to and very spiritual in a non-judgemental way.
Anyway, my son and I have stayed good friends with him for almost 8 years and I have shared things with him that even my sponsor hasn't heard (Step 5 says one other person and God, and it doesn't always have to be the same "other" person). Anyway, our relationship was safe from day one, and I treasure the insight and inspiration this man has given me.
And Barbiedeb, it is all about baby steps and moving at our own pace. There is no set amount of time...this is a lifetime program and we learn as we go. We move forward when we are ready and not before. That way the foundation we are building is secure before we place more bricks on top. And we do not have to do anything we are uncomfortable doing. As we get stronger, we get more comfortable and when the time is right, we know. And we have different ways of doing the same thing. The strength and courage you have gained in your recovery is an inspiration to me every day here.
I love hearing the different points of view and it is interesting how we each struggle with different processes. Maybe that is why , as a fellowship, we are so strong. If we were all the same, who would we post to...and who would reply?
I can't wait to hear more...come on in you lurkers - it's a recovery party going on here.
Like I said at the beginning, we all have to work this prgram in the way that is right for us.
Pauline, my sponsor is a woman, but I have a really dear friend who is a man 70 years old who was director of a recovery house for men that my son went to. He is also an elder in one of the churches that I go to and very spiritual in a non-judgemental way.
Anyway, my son and I have stayed good friends with him for almost 8 years and I have shared things with him that even my sponsor hasn't heard (Step 5 says one other person and God, and it doesn't always have to be the same "other" person). Anyway, our relationship was safe from day one, and I treasure the insight and inspiration this man has given me.
And Barbiedeb, it is all about baby steps and moving at our own pace. There is no set amount of time...this is a lifetime program and we learn as we go. We move forward when we are ready and not before. That way the foundation we are building is secure before we place more bricks on top. And we do not have to do anything we are uncomfortable doing. As we get stronger, we get more comfortable and when the time is right, we know. And we have different ways of doing the same thing. The strength and courage you have gained in your recovery is an inspiration to me every day here.
I love hearing the different points of view and it is interesting how we each struggle with different processes. Maybe that is why , as a fellowship, we are so strong. If we were all the same, who would we post to...and who would reply?
I can't wait to hear more...come on in you lurkers - it's a recovery party going on here.
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Thanks for this Ann!
Many of you know I ran (not walked) through the doors of Al Anon about 10 years ago. I worked my way through the steps with a sponsor, attended 3 or 4 , sometimes 5 meetings a week for many years. One of those meetings was a Sunday morning open AA speaker meeting...to me at that time it was almost like going to church. The hope I found at those meetings was an inspirational start to my week. Maybe this was a way of running away from what was at home...who knows...but it what I had to do.
I was not an easy newcomer. I was full of "but he did this" and "what if he does this". My mind was always spinning and I knew I had the solutions for all this pain....but the people would not cooperate! I cried and fought my way through the steps taking years to "get" it. Very slowly, one thing at a time, I began to change my actions and responses. I began to open up to a relationship with God and I began to trust Him. I began to hear something I was intended to hear at EVERY meeting. I was "in grace" for the first time in my life.
I had aquired the strength to tell the Beav he had to move out and I reconnected with Ward.
For a period my life was happy and calm....we moved about 45 minutes away from my meetings so I attended meetings in our new town and any oldtimer can tell you that that can be the kiss of death. It is hard to connect with a new group and I confess that I let it go for a time.I just sat back and revelled in my "wisdom". LOL
But God had another plan for me...the Beav's disease had been escalating....we had a new GS and "daughter-in-law" and I was led here to all of you.
Some of the most horrible things in my life have happen this year with the heroin death of my "daughter-in-law" and my son bouncing around his bottom, grabbing a shovel and going ever deeper. The pain of having a GS lose his mother (does anyone know how to spell control???).
Today I come here daily and I attend one meeting a week...I found a new sponsor and reconnected with my old one and yes I am working the steps yet again with the help of a very kind and gentle lady. This is my third time at step work...I have never gotten that pesky diploma!
I cannot say enough about the fellowship of AA....to say it saved my life just does not express it...but that is what it did. In spite of all my kicking and screaming I kept going back and I was transformed! They told me it worked and I had no other choice but to believe them because my best efforts were NOT working.
If I may, I would like to suggest to all of you who are not attending meetings, get some AA conference approved literature to add to your libraries. The Big Book, One Day at a Time in Al Anon, The Courage to Change (one day at a time 2). There you will not only find the 12 steps explained in depth, but the 12 traditions and slogans. Your libraries have it, bookstores, and here we sell it.
I love this thread Ann...thanks!
JT
Many of you know I ran (not walked) through the doors of Al Anon about 10 years ago. I worked my way through the steps with a sponsor, attended 3 or 4 , sometimes 5 meetings a week for many years. One of those meetings was a Sunday morning open AA speaker meeting...to me at that time it was almost like going to church. The hope I found at those meetings was an inspirational start to my week. Maybe this was a way of running away from what was at home...who knows...but it what I had to do.
I was not an easy newcomer. I was full of "but he did this" and "what if he does this". My mind was always spinning and I knew I had the solutions for all this pain....but the people would not cooperate! I cried and fought my way through the steps taking years to "get" it. Very slowly, one thing at a time, I began to change my actions and responses. I began to open up to a relationship with God and I began to trust Him. I began to hear something I was intended to hear at EVERY meeting. I was "in grace" for the first time in my life.
I had aquired the strength to tell the Beav he had to move out and I reconnected with Ward.
For a period my life was happy and calm....we moved about 45 minutes away from my meetings so I attended meetings in our new town and any oldtimer can tell you that that can be the kiss of death. It is hard to connect with a new group and I confess that I let it go for a time.I just sat back and revelled in my "wisdom". LOL
But God had another plan for me...the Beav's disease had been escalating....we had a new GS and "daughter-in-law" and I was led here to all of you.
Some of the most horrible things in my life have happen this year with the heroin death of my "daughter-in-law" and my son bouncing around his bottom, grabbing a shovel and going ever deeper. The pain of having a GS lose his mother (does anyone know how to spell control???).
Today I come here daily and I attend one meeting a week...I found a new sponsor and reconnected with my old one and yes I am working the steps yet again with the help of a very kind and gentle lady. This is my third time at step work...I have never gotten that pesky diploma!
I cannot say enough about the fellowship of AA....to say it saved my life just does not express it...but that is what it did. In spite of all my kicking and screaming I kept going back and I was transformed! They told me it worked and I had no other choice but to believe them because my best efforts were NOT working.
If I may, I would like to suggest to all of you who are not attending meetings, get some AA conference approved literature to add to your libraries. The Big Book, One Day at a Time in Al Anon, The Courage to Change (one day at a time 2). There you will not only find the 12 steps explained in depth, but the 12 traditions and slogans. Your libraries have it, bookstores, and here we sell it.
I love this thread Ann...thanks!
JT
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Thanks JT
Like you, I found my meeting in desperation. I had attended some of my son's meetings in NA and recognized that I needed these 12 steps in MY life if I were to remain sane. So I hunted and found a meeting.
I was terrified of going alone, but God gave me the strength. My first 4 meetings I just sat and cried. I couldn't share, but I listened and I WANTED what they HAD. I didn't even know what it was, but these people had been to hell and back and they were not only okay and balanced, but I saw an inner beauty shining through. Oh there were a few people that I didn't care much for, but my focus was drawn tot the ones who had persevered and were truly working the program. They had IT.
My sponsor was one of those people. Her husband of 20 years was an alcoholic schitzophrenic living on the streets and her heart and spirit had been broken before she found the steps.
I made a commitment to myself, to spend at least as much energy on my recovery as I had on "their" problem and to keep going with this until I felt some change and then decide how long I would do it. I soon felt the changes, and recognized that this was a lifelong plan of living healthy lives.
I still have bad moments in my life and my codependency can spring to life at any given time, but knowing how to handle that and what to do with it has truly saved my life too.
And I found that working the Steps was not just a one-time thing, it is an ongoing process of remembering and applying the wisdom of these steps to my life every day. And there is not one problem in my life, personal, emotional, financial, or otherwise that these steps cannot answer.
And for this I am grateful every single day.
Like you, I found my meeting in desperation. I had attended some of my son's meetings in NA and recognized that I needed these 12 steps in MY life if I were to remain sane. So I hunted and found a meeting.
I was terrified of going alone, but God gave me the strength. My first 4 meetings I just sat and cried. I couldn't share, but I listened and I WANTED what they HAD. I didn't even know what it was, but these people had been to hell and back and they were not only okay and balanced, but I saw an inner beauty shining through. Oh there were a few people that I didn't care much for, but my focus was drawn tot the ones who had persevered and were truly working the program. They had IT.
My sponsor was one of those people. Her husband of 20 years was an alcoholic schitzophrenic living on the streets and her heart and spirit had been broken before she found the steps.
I made a commitment to myself, to spend at least as much energy on my recovery as I had on "their" problem and to keep going with this until I felt some change and then decide how long I would do it. I soon felt the changes, and recognized that this was a lifelong plan of living healthy lives.
I still have bad moments in my life and my codependency can spring to life at any given time, but knowing how to handle that and what to do with it has truly saved my life too.
And I found that working the Steps was not just a one-time thing, it is an ongoing process of remembering and applying the wisdom of these steps to my life every day. And there is not one problem in my life, personal, emotional, financial, or otherwise that these steps cannot answer.
And for this I am grateful every single day.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
For those wanting to read an outline for every step, the "12-step Outline" thread at the top will give you info that you can print out and study at your leisure. It is an outline specific to codependents working these steps, and is great reading!!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Raleigh, NC (Jersey Girl transplant)
Posts: 676
Here are my thoughts on the steps.....
1. What do meetings mean to you? Are you afraid or embarrassed to go? If you have gone, how have they helped you?
I love going to the Alanon meetings. I now attend two meetings a week and I may need more. It took my about two months of attending my first meeting to feel comfortable about being there and to feel a part of the group. That was because of me feeling ackward, not because they didn't try to make me feel welcome. They help me by putting me face to face with people that have simular struggles as I do. This is so important for me because I tend to think that only I have these problems, or problems at all for that matter. I hear hope that others have improved their life and I feel that maybe I can too. I see people committed to growing the same way I am and this gives me strength.
My second group is very differant from my forst group and I am still getting used to it. But I am hanging in there becuase I know that both groups can give me something I need.
2. What does "working the steps" mean to you. How have they helped you in your recovery? What confuses you about the steps?
I am just a beginner in working the steps. I have been reading Melody Beattie's "Codependant's guide to the twelve steps" and trying to understand how they relate to me. Just today, I started a new practice where I review and meditate on the steps each morning.
3. How did you find your sponsor? or What do you want to know about sponsorship?
I don't have a sponser yet. I have been afraid to ask someone, because I will appear too needy. I am working on this fear and will overcome it soon I think. I know I need one.
4. What work are you prepared to do to move forward in your recovery? And What holds you back?
I am prepared to to more each week for my recovery. I have added a second meeting and started to spend more time on reading, meditating etc. I know this is the answer, and each week I feel myself open up a little more to the message and become more willing to spend more effort.
Thanks Ann for the opportunity to do this self reflection.
1. What do meetings mean to you? Are you afraid or embarrassed to go? If you have gone, how have they helped you?
I love going to the Alanon meetings. I now attend two meetings a week and I may need more. It took my about two months of attending my first meeting to feel comfortable about being there and to feel a part of the group. That was because of me feeling ackward, not because they didn't try to make me feel welcome. They help me by putting me face to face with people that have simular struggles as I do. This is so important for me because I tend to think that only I have these problems, or problems at all for that matter. I hear hope that others have improved their life and I feel that maybe I can too. I see people committed to growing the same way I am and this gives me strength.
My second group is very differant from my forst group and I am still getting used to it. But I am hanging in there becuase I know that both groups can give me something I need.
2. What does "working the steps" mean to you. How have they helped you in your recovery? What confuses you about the steps?
I am just a beginner in working the steps. I have been reading Melody Beattie's "Codependant's guide to the twelve steps" and trying to understand how they relate to me. Just today, I started a new practice where I review and meditate on the steps each morning.
3. How did you find your sponsor? or What do you want to know about sponsorship?
I don't have a sponser yet. I have been afraid to ask someone, because I will appear too needy. I am working on this fear and will overcome it soon I think. I know I need one.
4. What work are you prepared to do to move forward in your recovery? And What holds you back?
I am prepared to to more each week for my recovery. I have added a second meeting and started to spend more time on reading, meditating etc. I know this is the answer, and each week I feel myself open up a little more to the message and become more willing to spend more effort.
Thanks Ann for the opportunity to do this self reflection.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Hi Rose
You are doing everything recommended to us and be asssured that it just gets better and better.
I know it took me about 6 meetings before I started to feel grounded and totally comfortable, but from my first meeting I knew I needed to make a commitment to myself to stick with it until something clicked. And when I finally started to understand the steps and what they meant, my life changed completely and there was no looking back.
It is not a quick fix (which is probably what I was looking for to start with), but the strength and spirituality that I found was more than I could have dreamed of. I learned to take my time and go at my own pace, and like you I started with daily practices to reinforce my progress.
I still take time every day to pray and meditate, and to reflect on where I have been and where I am going. And to just be quiet and still and listen for answers.
I am reading Melody Beatties 12-step book again, also, and each time I review these steps, I find new areas of my life where applying the steps can comfort and guide me.
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. You are such an inspiration to me and I am grateful.
You are doing everything recommended to us and be asssured that it just gets better and better.
I know it took me about 6 meetings before I started to feel grounded and totally comfortable, but from my first meeting I knew I needed to make a commitment to myself to stick with it until something clicked. And when I finally started to understand the steps and what they meant, my life changed completely and there was no looking back.
It is not a quick fix (which is probably what I was looking for to start with), but the strength and spirituality that I found was more than I could have dreamed of. I learned to take my time and go at my own pace, and like you I started with daily practices to reinforce my progress.
I still take time every day to pray and meditate, and to reflect on where I have been and where I am going. And to just be quiet and still and listen for answers.
I am reading Melody Beatties 12-step book again, also, and each time I review these steps, I find new areas of my life where applying the steps can comfort and guide me.
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. You are such an inspiration to me and I am grateful.
Learning to love life...
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 529
It's been an emotional week... I'm back
I really loved this one... It gives me a chance to figure out exactly where I am with all of this.
Q #1: Meetings mean to me that I get a chance to get away from the A in my life, and away from the everyday, and the kids etc. I get to share openly and honestly my feelings from anything to everything that is stressing me out (it's all related u know!). I can laugh and cry and sympathize and relate to others, and not worry about the consequences of it all. I have never really been afraid or embarresed to go to a meeting, except maybe the first time. And the meetings have helped me in one BIG way... I realize now that I am THE most important person in my life, and I need to take care of ME first.
Q #2: This is a toughy because although I truly understand all the steps, there are a few that I wonder if I'll ever be ready for. My biggest struggle at the moment is finding a way to leave it all up to my higher power. At 28 yrs old, I am just beginning to find my spiritual self, and define my personal HP. There are some things however that are truly strong in my heart, and help me believe; such as the gift of my baby girl Lauren. I was witness to her angels protecting her while she was sick, and again as they lifted her to heaven. From this I began to understand the uncondidtional love of our HP.
Nothing really "confuses" me about the steps... I think I am just not able to fully apply them to my life... YET
Q #3: I don't have a sponser
. Not that I wouldn't like to have a confidant, a trustworthy advisor etc... I just haven't had the courage to ask yet.
Q #4: What work am I prepared to do??? ANYTHING!
Well, u know... I am at a point where I feel open to help, and any healthy suggestions.
There are lots of things holding me back... The biggest being my lack of self-love; it still feels awkward to put ME first, even tho I know it is right.
Thank you for this opportunity,
Love Meg
Q #1: Meetings mean to me that I get a chance to get away from the A in my life, and away from the everyday, and the kids etc. I get to share openly and honestly my feelings from anything to everything that is stressing me out (it's all related u know!). I can laugh and cry and sympathize and relate to others, and not worry about the consequences of it all. I have never really been afraid or embarresed to go to a meeting, except maybe the first time. And the meetings have helped me in one BIG way... I realize now that I am THE most important person in my life, and I need to take care of ME first.
Q #2: This is a toughy because although I truly understand all the steps, there are a few that I wonder if I'll ever be ready for. My biggest struggle at the moment is finding a way to leave it all up to my higher power. At 28 yrs old, I am just beginning to find my spiritual self, and define my personal HP. There are some things however that are truly strong in my heart, and help me believe; such as the gift of my baby girl Lauren. I was witness to her angels protecting her while she was sick, and again as they lifted her to heaven. From this I began to understand the uncondidtional love of our HP.
Nothing really "confuses" me about the steps... I think I am just not able to fully apply them to my life... YET
Q #3: I don't have a sponser
. Not that I wouldn't like to have a confidant, a trustworthy advisor etc... I just haven't had the courage to ask yet.Q #4: What work am I prepared to do??? ANYTHING!
Well, u know... I am at a point where I feel open to help, and any healthy suggestions. There are lots of things holding me back... The biggest being my lack of self-love; it still feels awkward to put ME first, even tho I know it is right.
Thank you for this opportunity,
Love Meg
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