Josie

Ann, did you think I ran away from this one LOL!

Question #1.
I went to meetings years ago, when my
son was 13 and getting into trouble. I
didn't understand the concept, and
didn't feel like I belonged. Now I am
ready, but there are no meetings here
that coincide with my work schedule,
and will have to travel-
I get a little shaky about sharing, yes-
I am embarrassed and afraid of crying.

2. I have been on steps 1 and 2 forever,
I walk around saying "I am powerless".
I think the steps do confuse me, I ordered
Melody Beattie's guide to the 12 steps,
which should help me.

3. Sponsor--I know if I had a
sponsor they would be there for me when
I needed to talk or vent and help me
get through the bad times, and also
working the steps. But I also get this
here!

4. What is holding me back and what
am I prepared to do to move forward. I know I would be going to meetings if it were more of a convenience-I am really into convenience and simple. This is a real pain to me to have to make a 1 and 1/2 round trip, and then the meetings are
a hour or longer. So in that respect,
it is holding me back. But for now,
I am reading, educating myself and I
get so much from here with knowledge
and encouragement-that I think I am
moving forward.

Hugs,

Ann

Hi Josie

It is too bad that meetings are difficult for you, but I know I wouldn't drive that far at night and back to get to one either.

I think you have been doing a wonderful job in your recovery. Ang getting the 12 Step book will help you a lot.

It's not a race to work these steps. It tool me a long time to actually "get" Steps 1 and 2. I would skip on to 3, 4,and so on, but lose my balance again, and that is because I had never really done a complete 1, 2, and 3. When I finally did get through 1 and 2 and felt satisfied that they were in place, I did my Step 3 in church. I would visit a church when services were not going on and pray. It was quiet, and I felt a presence of God. And even then, I yo-yo'd. I'd turn my life and will over to God, then take it back. Again this took several tries for me. And these 3 steps are something I reflect on every day, in order to try to maintain them.
You see, it isn't like a test, that when we complete them we are finished with them. They are tools to use daily, to remind us to let go and trust a Higher Power.

Taking your time, and reading and sharing are all wonderful ways to do this. As the results begin to show in tiny changes and "moments of clarity". Baby steps get us there more surely and steadily than big leaps that are unsteady.

Thank you for sharing this with us Josie. Your progress is inspiring and I'm so glad you are here for us.

RedAPBT

Ok, I will give this a try

Here are my honest answers to your questions...

1. What do meetings mean to you? Are you afraid or embarrassed to go? If you have gone, how have they helped you?

I am not really afraid or embarassed to go to a meeting, I just have no time to get to them due to my work schedule so I have a hard time with f2f meetings. I have gone to one or 2 in the past, and they were not as helpful as I wanted them to be... I feel that meetings are very important as they allow me to learn and gain insight from others ES & H who have gone thru much of what I am going thru now before I have.

2. What does "working the steps" mean to you. How have they helped you in your recovery? What confuses you about the steps?

I have not really worked the steps as I have been to scared to do it alone and have not found a sponsor as of yet, though I have read the steps, traditions and concepts, I still do not have a grasp on any of them...


3. How did you find your sponsor? or What do you want to know about sponsorship?

How do you get a sponsor??? I have been looking for months and nothing...

4. What work are you prepared to do to move forward in your recovery? And What holds you back?

I am prepared to do whatever it takes to move forward and though I know it will not be a piece of cake, I am still happy at the thought of not being miserable all alone anymore!

The only thing that holds me back is fear of trying to do it alone and failing.

RedAPBT

onway2sanity

Hi everyone....and to the new-comers as well!!! I am still around and have been lurking every once in awhile. I thought I would add my 2 cents, for what it's worth.........

1. Meetings sometimes means my sanity. I go there to find it when I feel I have lost it. I am not afraid to go, I just don't go as much as I should. I come home, clean, cook, run my son to work (he's only 15) and pick him up, and then it's time to do it again. By the time all of this is done......I'm tired! I don't always have time for a meeting, although I haven't missed my friday night meeting to many times, I love the people there and they help me alot.

2. Working the steps---I am at step 4 and haven't done it with my sponser yet....and I afraid? Probably! Do I want to know who I really am? Maybe! Step 1, 2, & 3 have been a great help to me.

3. I was at an AA meeting with my former "A" and the lead was telling "our" story. It was so much like ours that I was almost in tears. After the meeting I went up to his wife and talked to her for a bit. Several Al-Anon meetings later......I asked her to be my sponser--and she said yes!!! I don't call her as much as I should and I know that.

4. When I first started in Al-Anon I was ready to do anything.....now I am not doing much. Please don't ask me why this is, because I don't know. I have asked myself the same question and haven't found the answer yet.

As most.....I am afraid of being alone the rest of my life. I am afraid of the un-known.
I have kept busy with everything and anything so I don't stop and start thinking. That usually gets me into trouble!!! You know.....the stinkin' thinkin' !!!


(((Hugs)))
Chandra

Ann

Thanks Red and Chandra

Getting to meetings can be tough when our lives are busy, and can be scary if for no other reason than they are the "unknown".

Something that helped me was, when I hit my bottom and my life was miserable, I made a commitment to myself to do something, anything to move forward. Like you said, Red, I was ready to do anything it takes.

Before I went to any meetings, I did a lot of reading. Codependent No More, Language of letting Go, AA Big Book, and many books on addiction just to try to understand my son's problem.

I made myself go to meetings. The first three meetings I just sat and cried. And that was okay. Nobody looked at me funny or made me share before I was ready, they just gave me hugs and told me their stories and how they found recovery. And it was there I found a sponsor who helped me work the steps.

There are many good books that help in working the Steps too. One is "Codependents' Guide to Working the Twelve Steps" by Melody Beattie. This book can give guidance on working the steps yourself.

And there is no time limit with these steps. They are a lifelong program, and we can only work them as we are ready. But they are the foundation of this program and can save your life.

Step 4 seems to scare a lot of people, but by the time I got there, I found it refreshing. Like a good housecleaning and I was the house.

I encourage you both to keep trying, in your own way and at your own pace. You cannot fail, Red, there is no way to fail here. Sometimes we fall back and re-work the steps, but that is progress not failure. It's not a test, it's a lifeline.

And each one of us is worth the effort it takes.

Jamy

Hi all, I wanted to acknowledge the post about the Steps. I do not have the time to attend live meetings, altho I have in the past with my A and loved the fellowship and wisdom. I feel that all humans have one reason or another for a 12 step program, whether it be a chemical addiction or behavioral or emotional issue....I "replaced " my meetings with this online support and altho it is not ftf it is real and it is a very big support network. I don't formally "work" the 12 Steps, BUT, I read them daily and I try to incorporate all that I am learning into my everyday life . So far, it seems to be helping, it is always there in my head so that is how I feel I am living and working it...... I also do not have a formal sponsor, BUT (yes, another BUT LOL), my A's sponsor is a very dear friend with a ton of clean time and so much wisdom,when he talks I do listen....I do miss the meetings in town, but physically cannot do that and work and all the other things that cannot be "rescheduled".... I hope I am doing right by myself and others, I feel good right now, and I love this FORUM!
HUGS ,
J:hamburger

Peter

1)What do meetings mean to you.Are you affraid or embarassed to go. If you have gone how have they helped you?


Meetings are a place for me to be in fellowship with my brothers and sisters in recovery.Aplace where I hear the message of recovery and carry the message of recovery.A place where I actually see the living proof of the programme working in peoples lives.Meetings have helped me tremendously by bringing me in contact with people in recovery who were able to provide a support group for me.

2)What does working the steps mean to you.How have they helped you in your recovery.What confuses you about the steps?

Working the steps have not just "helped" me in my recovery,the steps ARE my recovery.The steps have provided for me a new direction to follow,by giving me a set of practical spiritual principles that i can apply to my life principles like honesty,openmindedness,willingness,patience,tolera nce,surrender,acceptance,forgiveness.What confuses me about the steps is why more people are not willing to work them.They are not hard and they work.THEY WORK.

3)How did you find your sponsor or what do you want to know about sponsorship?

I have had several sponsors as I grow in recovery.And every time God was kind enough to put someone in my life to help and guide me.My present sponsor is someone who is on the top three most important people in my life list,and God sent him to me.Today I ask God to show me how I can be a better sponsor to someone.

4)What work are you prepared to do to move forward in your recovery and what holds you back.

I am prepared to continue working the steps.To continue going to meetinges.To always be of service to others.What holds me back today is selfwill.A tendency to sometimes want to take my life back and do things "my way".But then I always have to remember
that it is HIS will not mine be done,and that usually gets me back on track. peter.