Being still.
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Join Date: Nov 2022
Posts: 121
Being still.
This is something I've always struggled with. I'm fine so long as I'm busy but as soon as I stop I find it difficult to just "be"
I believe this is one of the main reaaons I'm an addict. At 14 I started using Cannabis and I instantly loved how it made me enjoy just being by myself. It turned into a full blown addiction very quickly and since then I've been through pretty much every drug there is, all with the same, compulsive consumption.
In recovery I find myself filling time pretty well, I love cycling, walking the dog, cooking... I even enjoy housework! Anything that provides some sense of accomplishment or purpose. But I dont think it's very healthy to always "need" something. As soon as I sit down I'm straight on my phone, again, my phone use is an attempt at not being with my thoughts, trying to block things out, and it becomes compulsive.
I think I'll always be someone who likes to keep busy, and I'm happy with that. But I would like to be able to be happily still at times too.
So, any tips on how to get better at being calm, peaceful and still??
Day 61 sober.
Thanks!
I believe this is one of the main reaaons I'm an addict. At 14 I started using Cannabis and I instantly loved how it made me enjoy just being by myself. It turned into a full blown addiction very quickly and since then I've been through pretty much every drug there is, all with the same, compulsive consumption.
In recovery I find myself filling time pretty well, I love cycling, walking the dog, cooking... I even enjoy housework! Anything that provides some sense of accomplishment or purpose. But I dont think it's very healthy to always "need" something. As soon as I sit down I'm straight on my phone, again, my phone use is an attempt at not being with my thoughts, trying to block things out, and it becomes compulsive.
I think I'll always be someone who likes to keep busy, and I'm happy with that. But I would like to be able to be happily still at times too.
So, any tips on how to get better at being calm, peaceful and still??
Day 61 sober.
Thanks!
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
It does come with Time sober...but for me it also took practicing being with my thoughts. Meditation does this, but at 61 days I don't think it will be that easy to meditate!
Give it a year. You'll be amazed at how quiet your mind actually does become.
Before I got to that peaceful place I did everything in my power to "work through" my issues. We're all a little bit different with that part, we all have a past that needs healing in some way. One day at a time I got better. It's never finished.
Give it a year. You'll be amazed at how quiet your mind actually does become.
Before I got to that peaceful place I did everything in my power to "work through" my issues. We're all a little bit different with that part, we all have a past that needs healing in some way. One day at a time I got better. It's never finished.
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Join Date: Nov 2018
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I knew a guy who emphasized how important it was for him to learn to be still in recovery. I always liked that way of describing a mind set. To me it is the opposite of chaos. Even occasionally these days, I sometimes take a moment to be "still." It's an ideal state.
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I would change it up, Toddy.
I am not sure where you live, (I thought you were an Aussie for some reason, so I picture you in the beautiful weather I left behind, he he). Anyway, if it is nice weather, maybe you can set up an area outside with a chair and cushion, a little table. Somewhere you and your dog can sit and just be, and have a cup of tea and listen to the birds. But you have to leave your phone in the house, just saying.
I am not sure where you live, (I thought you were an Aussie for some reason, so I picture you in the beautiful weather I left behind, he he). Anyway, if it is nice weather, maybe you can set up an area outside with a chair and cushion, a little table. Somewhere you and your dog can sit and just be, and have a cup of tea and listen to the birds. But you have to leave your phone in the house, just saying.
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I like what Venuscat posted above, but just wanted to expand on one little point.
You seem to view phone addiction as a symptom of your character defects. But maybe the phone itself is a cause of your addiction? Be sure your "happy place" is device free.
You seem to view phone addiction as a symptom of your character defects. But maybe the phone itself is a cause of your addiction? Be sure your "happy place" is device free.
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Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 433
Venuscat is right.
Try to be an observer only. We've all seen animals that can seemly sit and just observe the environment, they certainly aren't thinking about painting the house or getting paperwork done. A cat could stare at a bug out of its reach for hours, and a dog can lay in the shade for hours and then start howling when it observes the noise from a fire truck.
It's feeling the air on your skin, feeling the hot and cold, the scent of plants and trees, the bird can easily land grab its meal, and fly away. I find observation to be a good way to be still. You can achieve similar feelings lying down to sleep, feel the air, feel the cool bed sheets, notice your breathing, and heartbeat, and think about absolutely nothing at all.
Try to be an observer only. We've all seen animals that can seemly sit and just observe the environment, they certainly aren't thinking about painting the house or getting paperwork done. A cat could stare at a bug out of its reach for hours, and a dog can lay in the shade for hours and then start howling when it observes the noise from a fire truck.
It's feeling the air on your skin, feeling the hot and cold, the scent of plants and trees, the bird can easily land grab its meal, and fly away. I find observation to be a good way to be still. You can achieve similar feelings lying down to sleep, feel the air, feel the cool bed sheets, notice your breathing, and heartbeat, and think about absolutely nothing at all.
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Join Date: Oct 2019
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First thing I would try is go back to the most basic thing in life, breathing. Try taking control of that. I would take in a slow and deep, at least like 4 or 5 seconds, breath in. Then let it out as slow as you can without causing discomfort. Feel yourself breathing out and letting go of some of that tension, fear, anger, etc.
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Originally Posted by joe801 
Try to be an observer only. We've all seen animals that can seemly sit and just observe the environment, they certainly aren't thinking about painting the house or getting paperwork done. A cat could stare at a bug out of its reach for hours, and a dog can lay in the shade for hours and then start howling when it observes the noise from a fire truck.
It's feeling the air on your skin, feeling the hot and cold, the scent of plants and trees, the bird can easily land grab its meal, and fly away. I find observation to be a good way to be still. You can achieve similar feelings lying down to sleep, feel the air, feel the cool bed sheets, notice your breathing, and heartbeat, and think about absolutely nothing at all.
I have always had trouble with this calming process, especially with screen addiction - many helpful suggestions here!
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Join Date: Jun 2019
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I think everyone is capable.
Another spectacular observation is when closed eyes can see biophoton light that's emitted from inside the body /eyes.
And the more you relax these dots of light start to swirl and change color and shape. If you can stay aware and focus you'll eventually see objects and faces and you'll be inside a dream. Great way to be still and chill.
Again most people can see this if they focus, many probably have seen this but never observed it. Plenty of interesting science articles on this phenomenon, and other intresting articles on the metaphyical and or spirtual side to it.
Another spectacular observation is when closed eyes can see biophoton light that's emitted from inside the body /eyes.
And the more you relax these dots of light start to swirl and change color and shape. If you can stay aware and focus you'll eventually see objects and faces and you'll be inside a dream. Great way to be still and chill.
Again most people can see this if they focus, many probably have seen this but never observed it. Plenty of interesting science articles on this phenomenon, and other intresting articles on the metaphyical and or spirtual side to it.
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Join Date: Sep 2023
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Hi Toddy I could of written your post myself it's exactly how I am. A lot of the reason I drank to shut my flipping head off and chill out.
I do a lot of physical stuff so don't want to keep having to be busy and running around to keep occupied. This is definitely a learning curve for me to I really struggle with switching my mind off to do any relaxation. I'm starting with full body stretches and it is helping hopefully leading to more relaxation style activities. I will say it's a lot easier for me now than it was I'm 148 days today but if you find a miracle cure could you let me know
I do a lot of physical stuff so don't want to keep having to be busy and running around to keep occupied. This is definitely a learning curve for me to I really struggle with switching my mind off to do any relaxation. I'm starting with full body stretches and it is helping hopefully leading to more relaxation style activities. I will say it's a lot easier for me now than it was I'm 148 days today but if you find a miracle cure could you let me know
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Join Date: Nov 2023
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Toddy, this is literally where I’m at at the moment too!!
I thought I was good at being still until I stopped drinking. Now I realise I was just either always hungover (so very good at doing absolutely jack, but calling it stillness) or drunk (the inebriated kind of still).
Glad you brought this up!
Unfortunately, I have no advice to offer because I am struggling with this too - but it’s great you started this thread, as I can read other people’s advice.
I just wanted you to know that I understand how you are feeling, which sometimes is a tiny, weeny comfort in itself.
Sending hugs and “May the still be with you” 😉😊😊
xxx
I thought I was good at being still until I stopped drinking. Now I realise I was just either always hungover (so very good at doing absolutely jack, but calling it stillness) or drunk (the inebriated kind of still).
Glad you brought this up!
Unfortunately, I have no advice to offer because I am struggling with this too - but it’s great you started this thread, as I can read other people’s advice.
I just wanted you to know that I understand how you are feeling, which sometimes is a tiny, weeny comfort in itself.
Sending hugs and “May the still be with you” 😉😊😊
xxx
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Joe mentioned what I call walking meditation. Avb on his bike immersed in the environment with the sensations of his activity. Feeling the world around him without judgment, hang-ups, preconceptions, and not calculating the monthly budget on his ride. Hobby art, slot-cars, a walk, doing the dishes, can all be done in a meditation. If my mind wanders to the self-critic side of me, refocus on what I am doing now.
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Originally Posted by Zencat
Joe mentioned what I call walking meditation. Avb on his bike immersed in the environment with the sensations of his activity. Feeling the world around him without judgment, hang-ups, preconceptions, and not calculating the monthly budget on his ride. Hobby art, slot-cars, a walk, doing the dishes, can all be done in a meditation. If my mind wanders to the self-critic side of me, refocus on what I am doing now.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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This post reminds me of these lyrics from the song Where I Found God by Morgan Wallen and Larry Fleet:
That day out on the water, when the fish just wouldn't bite
I put my pole down, I floated around, was just so quiet
And I could hear my old man sayin' "Son, just be still
'Cause you can't find peace like this in a bottle or a pill"
That day out on the water, when the fish just wouldn't bite
I put my pole down, I floated around, was just so quiet
And I could hear my old man sayin' "Son, just be still
'Cause you can't find peace like this in a bottle or a pill"
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Join Date: Nov 2022
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Thanks so much everyone!
This thread has been very therapeutic for me. Maybe practice, and time, makes perfect on this one.
I'm definitely going to work on this. I think screens are something I've really got to physically distance myself from while I'm practicing still time. My phone can be the difference between an hour of mindful rest and an hour of negative numbness.
I definitely get the reference to walking meditation, I find some activities can be very meditative, as was said, even doing the dishes can, at times, put me into a state of peace. Maybe this is something that can be built on.
Thanks again, so many really useful insights!
This thread has been very therapeutic for me. Maybe practice, and time, makes perfect on this one.
I'm definitely going to work on this. I think screens are something I've really got to physically distance myself from while I'm practicing still time. My phone can be the difference between an hour of mindful rest and an hour of negative numbness.
I definitely get the reference to walking meditation, I find some activities can be very meditative, as was said, even doing the dishes can, at times, put me into a state of peace. Maybe this is something that can be built on.
Thanks again, so many really useful insights!
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