Hi. I just signed up. I don't have much to say. Looking for understanding..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2024
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 7
Hi. I just signed up. I don't have much to say. Looking for understanding..
I've had too many people who don't understand addiction at all just ask me why I don't simply stop. Because THEY don't feel addiction needs, I'm just being careless and should just stop and be like them........ I am quite tired of it and tired of feeling all alone in this, Googled "addiction forum", and now here I am. Hoping to get a chance to talk with some of you fine people here.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2021
Location: PNW, US
Posts: 3,390
Originally Posted by Catastrophe 
I've had too many people who don't understand addiction at all just ask me why I don't simply stop. Because THEY don't feel addiction needs, I'm just being careless and should just stop and be like them........ I am quite tired of it and tired of feeling all alone in this, Googled "addiction forum", and now here I am. Hoping to get a chance to talk with some of you fine people here.
So glad you’re here. Yes, quitting isn’t as easy as others think. You’re not alone. SR so a great place full of supportive ppl. Talk away, we’re listening.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,069
Welcome! Everyone who sticks around this site gets a better understanding of addiction. Many actually recover...
You've got some nasty weather in Portland right now--this is a good time to NOT go out and get your drink / drug of choice.
Please read around and post often!
You've got some nasty weather in Portland right now--this is a good time to NOT go out and get your drink / drug of choice.
Please read around and post often!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,481
Welcome aboard Catastrophe 
When I found SR it was such a great relief to know people understood, they'd lived it too, and - most of all - there were people here living happy fulfilled lives after giving up drinking for good.
I'm glad you found us!
D
When I found SR it was such a great relief to know people understood, they'd lived it too, and - most of all - there were people here living happy fulfilled lives after giving up drinking for good.
I'm glad you found us!
D
❤️
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2024
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 7
Thanks, all. All it took was me getting hospitalized for a week, in the ICU some of that time, strapped to a bed after having a grand mal seizure. I had quit and the withdrawal was genuinely nearly killing me. The doctor came out of ICU and told my mom they didn't know if I was going to make it through the night in the condition I was in. Then, after 6 months of sobriety, I relapsed and it eventually cost me my job, my friends, my finances, my mental health, my physical health, contact with most of my family members, and my wife... So, I lay in bed with my mind racing at night now when I'm sober, unable to sleep, saying "I hate myself I hate myself I hate everything I've done to my life I hate myself" nonstop. I'm currently on a 3-night streak of being unable to sleep because of that. heh. I sometimes stay up all night on purpose even though I'm exhausted because I'm terrified of not having some kind of constant distraction and stimulus hitting my brain and then having those racing thoughts come back. Toughest times of my life are being at like 3:30AM after multiple nights of not being able to sleep and knowing I could just walk to the kitchen, pick up a bottle, and stop feeling that way temporarily. I know that only makes it worse, trust me. But, you know, my brain is actually broken (I have a handful of other clinically diagnosed mental health issues I was attempting to address before I dove head-first into the bottle to escape them).
I'm sure things get better. I lost absolutely everything, though.
I'm sure things get better. I lost absolutely everything, though.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,481
Originally Posted by Catastrophe
Thanks, all. All it took was me getting hospitalized for a week, in the ICU some of that time, strapped to a bed after having a grand mal seizure. I had quit and the withdrawal was genuinely nearly killing me. The doctor came out of ICU and told my mom they didn't know if I was going to make it through the night in the condition I was in. Then, after 6 months of sobriety, I relapsed and it eventually cost me my job, my friends, my finances, my mental health, my physical health, contact with most of my family members, and my wife... So, I lay in bed with my mind racing at night now when I'm sober, unable to sleep, saying "I hate myself I hate myself I hate everything I've done to my life I hate myself" nonstop. I'm currently on a 3-night streak of being unable to sleep because of that. heh. I sometimes stay up all night on purpose even though I'm exhausted because I'm terrified of not having some kind of constant distraction and stimulus hitting my brain and then having those racing thoughts come back. Toughest times of my life are being at like 3:30AM after multiple nights of not being able to sleep and knowing I could just walk to the kitchen, pick up a bottle, and stop feeling that way temporarily. I know that only makes it worse, trust me. But, you know, my brain is actually broken (I have a handful of other clinically diagnosed mental health issues I was attempting to address before I dove head-first into the bottle to escape them).
I'm sure things get better. I lost absolutely everything, though.
I'm sure things get better. I lost absolutely everything, though.
Noone needs to do it alone tho
In my early days I figured Id just keep walking forward to the possibility of change, and better things, rather than go back down the way I came?
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,174
There are normies who understand alcoholism, but they are few and far between. For many of us, our family, peers, and closest friends, even the ones who want to help, have little to offer because they can't understand. One of my biggest assets was finding a group of recovering alcoholics to get me over the first bump. This is a good place. We've been there. We know what quitting is like, and collectively, we know many pathways out of the addiction. And there are many ways to do it, with just a few fundamentals that transcend all the paths, that are required for life long recovery.
I kind of understand the feeling like you don't have much to say, but I think it's more likely that you have a lot to say, but aren't sure where to begin. But keep in mind that you have to say things to be understood. We have a lot of information and experience, but most of the job ahead of you is going to be up to you. We can help, but you're going to do most of the work. You are also entitled to all the credit when you get the hang of recovery.
I kind of understand the feeling like you don't have much to say, but I think it's more likely that you have a lot to say, but aren't sure where to begin. But keep in mind that you have to say things to be understood. We have a lot of information and experience, but most of the job ahead of you is going to be up to you. We can help, but you're going to do most of the work. You are also entitled to all the credit when you get the hang of recovery.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,989
Originally Posted by Catastrophe
But, you know, my brain is actually broken (I have a handful of other clinically diagnosed mental health issues I was attempting to address before I dove head-first into the bottle to escape them).
I too have an addiction disorder with PTSD depression/anxiety syndrome. A comorbid addiction disorder is what it is called. I self-medicated myself into a deep hole where I had only one choice to make. I is not easy you are correct, it might be the hardest thing you will do in life and that is stop drinking.
I can't recover alone, we can recover together. I encourage you to post offen, reply to others in need, reply to others, you have something to offer no matter what you are going through. We participate together,recover together.
Distraction is good. When my mind becomes my foe, I move somewhere I can do something with my hands. I use my body to quell my busy mind. Tell the self-critic repletely to "SHUT UP" or "STOP over and over. I used a jingle in my head to stop the self-critic addiction voice from urging me to use drugs/alcohol.
Glad you're here
The Dog
Join Date: Apr 2023
Location: Fly over state USA
Posts: 5,214
Originally Posted by Catastrophe
Toughest times of my life are being at like 3:30AM after multiple nights of not being able to sleep and knowing I could just walk to the kitchen, pick up a bottle, and stop feeling that way temporarily.
I'm sure things get better. I lost absolutely everything, though.
I'm sure things get better. I lost absolutely everything, though.
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