Contella09

Hello everyone. This is day 3 of my 3rd serious attempt at maintaining sobriety.
I realized one day not so long ago that my drinking was no longer safe, I have crossed the line of ever being able to drink responsibly. I have proved that to myself time and time again. I cannot moderate. One drink leads to the drink wanting to drink whether I want that or not. I am no longer in control. It is progressive and my tolerance hit a scary level each time. As the saying goes... "The man takes a drink, then the drink takes a drink and then the drink takes the man."

I am not sure if anyone has heard of Church on The Street? I encourage people to please look them up online. They started outside of a McDonald's during lockdown. I live in Burnley England where they started. I am lucky that they are only down the road from me and when I called yesterday I was able to talk to the man who started it. He spent a good amount of time on the phone with me. Inspire never contacted me back so I am very grateful to him for giving me his time and offering that face to face help.

He said something to me that really hit home and really encouraged me. I was in the mindset that this was going to be a lifetime battle and I will have to work hard at sobriety for the rest of my life. It has been daunting to me to be honest. What he said lifted that weight off my shoulders and it made a lot of sense. It also showed me why this forum is so important and is so successful for so many people. Whether a day sober or a decade sober. This is what he said when I told him I knew I would need to work hard for the rest of my life at sobriety. "It won't be hard work for the rest of your life. Sobriety becomes a way of life. It stops becoming hard. I need you just as much as you need me. Helping others keeps me sober and I can help keep you sober. There are many people who have done it and and here to help show you the way to do it. As long as you do the things to work through it it is possible." He has been very open about his life and sharing his story too from being in the grips of addiction to becoming an absolute inspiration to many. Anything is possible.

I have accepted and I surrender and I am in this for the long haul. I have a future ahead of me and a choice to make that a good one. I am far from being completely educated on my illness and dependance on alcohol but I am learning a little more each day and everything I learn helps give me a little more strength and determination. Hopefully one day I will know enough to really help others too.

He also said that some people can just stop from willpower alone but for people like us that have crossed that line we need that help. We know deep down that our willpower alone is not enough and that is why we reach out. All of us on this forum are at different stages of recovery but everyone on here share one massive thing in common. It is addiction. We are not alone and reading other people's stories make me realize just how similar we are when in active addiction. How it makes us feel and behave while drunk or coming out of that dispair when we stop.

I hope I haven't droned on too much. I want to be an active member on this forum as it has been helping me to get quite a few sober days that I never achieved on my own.

I hope everyone is well. Never give up trying.

Dee74

I am glad you're committing to recovery and building a support network Contella

D

SnazzyDresser

There are many people who have done this very difficult thing and can act as guides and mentors, this is crucial. This is a very doable thing, to stay sober each day, it's a skill we can all learn with time and applied effort, and a little guidance and fellowship to inspire us and remind us what works! All the best to you in your new sober life, Contella.

Hodd

Yes, it will be a lifelong battle but nothing on the scale of those early days and weeks. I remember being sat watching TV* in my first week feeling bored, anxious and just unwell. I thought that if every evening was going to feel like that forevermore, quitting would be impossible. But that despair starts to lift after a couple of weeks.

* TV was my drinking partner. I shouldn’t have been watching TV at all in those early days as my brain associated it with drinking. We need a new routine to successfully quit.

So I said lifelong, but nowadays I might get a craving for alcohol every few weeks or months. I can live with that. Plus, I have a decent life now, and that would be seriously compromised if I were to drink again. Like you, I know one drink would kick things off again. And that’s the hardest part of recovery. It would seem harmless to have one drink as a “reward” after a few weeks of sobriety, but that’s what kills all good intentions.

It’s brilliant you’ve “surrendered”. Swallow the pride and admit you’ve lost the battle against alcohol and run away bravely. Too many people think they can control this thing. I definitely can’t. Good luck.

DriGuy

Yes, I remember having that fear while my cravings were raging before I quit. It's easy to think at that stage that the insanity of fighting not to drink is going to be permanent.

That is exactly right. It becomes a way of life, but no longer a battle. You evolve so that you stop fighting and summoning superhuman will power and just start paying attention to what keeps you sober. It's about as easy as learning to be polite to people.

For some odd reason, accepting that sobriety was forever, made an immediate difference in my attitude toward full recovery. You would think "forever" makes it harder, but it doesn't. It made it easier. I think it's part of the "admitting we were powerless over alcohol" phase of recovery, which is true for everyone, whether you are in AA or not.

This admitting to ourselves that we can't drink, is something that is a matter of degree, and it doesn't help much unless you admit it fully. Once you accept it for real and that is for the rest of your life, you are fully admitting and ready to make that necessary commitment. Then for me, things got a whole lot easier.

Congratulations on having this insight. And it is as worthy of applause as getting one year under your belt, maybe even more so, because without it, your chances of making it to a year go way down, and therefore the chances for the rest of your life.

One extra pedantic observation: We are not powerless over alcohol, not after we stop drinking and commit. We are only powerless after the first drink. Don't take that first drink, and each one of us remains the master of our own destiny. One of my first gratitudes is for the power I have over my alcoholism. I am no longer under the thumb of alcohol.

Mizz

I really like the way you think.

We all learn from one another. Support has been so necessary for my own recovery from active addiction. It has taken me close to a decade to get to where I am now. Starts and stops. Ups and downs. Roller coasters. Lots of trial and error. Lots and lots of error.
No man/ woman/ person is an Island. Thank you for being here. Keep on moving forward into the light and into recovery.

VikingGF

Thanks for this post, Contella, and congrats on day 3.

tornrealization

That advice you got it spot on. It gets easier the longer you stay sober. The initial beginning is rough, but it won’t always be that way. Ever start a new job terrified and frustrated at things you may not have understood such as unfamiliar tasks or culture and people? It feels overwhelming at first, and like a year goes by and you realize you’ve come along way and things are way easier now. You get less cravings, less intense when they happen, and build up coping skills. The boredom many of us experience in the beginning will also fade. All of a sudden you are rebuilding your life and once you are past that hellish AV beginning fights and craves, you realize you have actually a lot more time to do other things. I trusted what the other sober people said on this board, that it gets better. It’s worth riding out the tough parts.

Zebra1275

Welcome to SR!

Spend a lot of time reading (and posting) on this website. It can really help.

Alpine

Welcome to SR. I recently found this amazing place and it has helped me a lot. It helps me to know that I am not alone and to know that others have experienced what I am going through. It has been a great support network for the short amount of time I have been here.

D122y

Part of my recovery has been obsessing about recovery. Drugs make a person certifiably insane.

Getting clean required me to suffer as my brain adapted to being drug free.

I am still an addict because I crave caffeine, sugar, and exercise. No more booze though.

I still wake up every morning feeling like I got hit by a truck because the natural melatonin my body now produces takes time to wear off.

I used to crave a lot, but now it is once in a while. When the crave hits it is fierce. It morphs into whatever it wants to try and get me to relapse.

I know better. Booze is poison. I hate the stuff.

Stay well.

Thanks.

Hawkeye13

How are you today Contella? Please check in—doesn’t matter if drinking or not-we are here to support you