MJP73

Struggling to find a way. I work a 12 hour swing shift. It is a great job and helps me provide for my wife and four children fairly well. When I know I have to go to work, I typically do not drink or at least not a ton. This is especially true for midnight shifts like tonight. Day shifts are a little harder as I do have some beer but not a lot. I manage 9 people every shift and we have to be on our toes because if we don't, things can go bad quick. So, I set myself up to be able to manage these situations if they arise. It is on my days off when I struggle. I get up from my last night shift and the first thing that pops in my mind is do I have any beer in the fridge. This is all after sleeping like a champ and feeling great for the past three or four days. I also work two out of the four weekends every month. I actually look forward to this as it keeps me away from drinking. I really need to somehow apply this thought process to my daily life when I don't have to work. The first thing I think I need to do is get back in the gym. In the past this has always helped me stay off the beer. My wife agrees with this one and full supports it. I need to find time fillers too. I drink mostly alone and when I have days off during the week, no one is home except for me. Meetings may be my best option here but not sure. I am controlling my drinking when I work but I cannot afford for it to affect my job. I just need to quit!! Thanks for listening to my rant all.

Dee74

Its good to see you back MJP.

I'm not sure theres all that much to figure out - stop drinking and your life will get better - maybe not right away but inevitably?

when I made the decision I would do everything in my power not to drink again - no matter how many changes I had to make in my life - things became a lot simpler.

It wasn't always easy - fundamental change never is - but thats why there's support here 24/7 - why not use us more?

D

MJP73

Thanks Dee and your right. I need to make my plan a little bit better I guess. I always seem to set myself up for failure somehow and cave so easy. I had 40 some days and felt great. I was so happy. I need to find that drive I had for that time period and hold onto it this time around. I will definitely be using SR more often as well. I posted everyday almost then and you guys and gals were so great.

FeelingGreat

It seems like breaking a habit should be your goal as you don't have much trouble staying sober when you need to and you're probably not at the withdrawal stage.

Habits can be very hard to break. I always drank after work, but never felt the need for it any other time. To break the habit, I:

- had a juice or snack before I started the journey home. Splurged on fancy juices. Your choice might be ice cream, or yoghurt, but whatever it is try something you'll enjoy to give yourself a reward.
- when I got home I had a pot of tea. I sat where I normally sat with the pot there and my fancy cup. As a ritual it replaced opening the bottle of wine and surprisingly quickly it became a great substitute.
- I had the fridge full of diet soda, cordial, whatever I liked and used it as a substitute. Just holding a glass in my hand was enough (this applied to social events as well).
- eat your meal earlier than usual to get rid of the feeling that you need something.

Hope these help.

MJP73

Thanks FeelingGreat. When I originally quit the first time, I did have withdrawal symptoms. They were not fun but I worked through them. I really only drink crappy light beer and have a huge tolerance built up and can put them away and still be able to function the majority of the time. My body is starting to talk to me though. Bloat and GI issues that are uncomfortable and go away when I lay off the beer (imagine that). I also always had my 40 oz water cup in my hand as well the first time. Thanks for the suggestions.

mikoss

I think for a lot of people, drinking alcohol is thought of as a reward after a long day of work or on days off. Sort of like a treat to wind down and relax after work and to drink to decompress when not working. But then sometimes this can lead to more drinking.

Not saying that this is the case with you but for me it started with drinking after work and having a drink to relax after work, and then two drinks after work and then 3 and 4 and so forth. Then I was binge drinking on Fridays and recovering on the weekend with minimal alcohol. Then drinking on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday in addition to weekdays too. Before I knew it I was drinking every day and all day long. In the morning before work, sometimes on my way to work, at work, on the way home from work, at home after work.

Drinking can creep up on you fast. There is a saying in cave diving that goes, "Slow is smooth and smooth is fast."

That certainly applied to my drinking. I was drinking very slow and small amounts at a time. Plus I was drinking mostly 80 to 100 proof spirits. And straight or cut with a little water at times. But even though I was drinking slow and smooth the liquor just crept up on me fast. I could go through 500 ml to 800 ml of 80 proof smooth Polish vodka in a day like nothing before I knew it and was like wow I can't believe I drank this much today.

What was mainly just drinking after work or on my off time turned into all day and every day drinking that got out of control and I just couldn't stop. And all this time I could function at work and do my job normally and actually do my job very well. Mostly with the help of cocaine but that wasn't good either. It just enabled me to drink more. But I was a functioning alcoholic at work.

But your mentality of going to the gym or finding something to do that is positive I believe is a good thing. I heard exercise helps a lot because of the endorphins that exercise releases to help maintain emotional health as well as physical health.

In my case at 7 days sober today I am trying to find anything to do. Painting, playing the piano, watching a movie, just anything to get my mind off of drinking.

I would say to try and stop drinking if it seems to be becoming a problem before it begins to become higher amounts of drinking. I don't know how much you drink or if you feel as if it is becoming a dependency, but I can say that in my case it escalated but in your case this may not be the case, I don't know.

mikoss

Stomach issues are completely normal I heard when reducing alcohol intake. I know that for me the first time I quit drinking and went for a little over a month of sobriety and now going at my second go at sobriety and at 7 days so far, yes stomach issues during the first part of giving up drinking were a normal for me.

A friend of mine who is a recovering alcoholic said that your stomach lining softens and breaks down when you reduce alcohol intake or stop drinking. When you drink a lot the lining in your stomach starts to harden and when you quit drinking then the stomach lining softens again therefore creating stomach issues. No fun at all.

MJP73

Thanks mikoss. I was definitely a lot worse when I wasn't on this work schedule. I would start in the morning at times and usually go all day all the while hiding it from everyone somehow or at least I thought I was. This was most weekends and during the week, a 6 pack of tall boys for the ride home. I just don't want to go back down that road again and do want to quit for good. I need to be around for a long while longer for my wife and kids.

mikoss

I understand, I too said I didn't want to go down the road again of excessive drinking and decided to quit for a second time. I will not lie though, I am 7 days clean and sober and I feel absolutely miserable and sick and not well.

I too used to sneak around and hide my alcohol use but I was doing it while at work. I would sneak off to have a drink from my flask or a hit of cocaine while at work. I couldn't go more than an hour or hour and a half without either or both while at work. My habit was pretty bad.

Or if I would go to the liquor store, even though I had plenty of liquor at home, I would sneak off to a parking space away from view of other people only to open the bottle and pour a drink. And then a line of cocaine or two to keep me sharp. And for me this was normal.

If I had a friend or friends over to my house and I had a bottle of whatever I was drinking I would top it off from a full extra bottle and stash that bottle away so it looked like I had only had a bit from the bottle that I had out.

If I was around people then I would pour vodka into an empty water bottle to make it look like I was drinking water. Or sneak off whenever I was out in public to go to a bathroom to drink from a flask and do a hit of cocaine and thinking I couldn't wait to leave so I can go home and do whatever I wanted without sneaking around like this.

I was the master of hiding my vices.

But I had to stop because it was all just way out of control and I couldn't stop. I still feel sick and ill and every day is hard for me because of the withdrawals but I am trying hard.

brighterday1234

MJP73

I hope and pray we both can beat this monster mikoss!

mikoss

I hope so too. I am only 7 days into sobriety from alcohol and cocaine and it is the hardest thing I have ever done. It is much harder than the first time around. I feel absolutely miserable and depressed and have anxiety and panic attacks which I already had before but now it is worse than before. I have my ups and downs during the day. I feel sick like I have the flu just from the withdrawals. I think about alcohol all of the time and wanting a drink so bad but I resist knowing that it is for the best.

I hope we can all become sober and stay sober because alcoholism is a horrible disease.

FeelingGreat

Our bodies tend to be very forgiving for a long time, but once you hit your 40s or 50s boy it starts to catch up with you. Weight gain, blood pressure, memory problems, bloating.....

Also while you have kids at home it's wonderful to be fully present for them rather than routinely in an alcohol daze. Of course this applies to your wife as well.

MJP73

I have fully begun to appreciate and understand that what you said FeelinGreat. Was nothing back in the day but I am going to be 43 in March and really don't want to hurt myself anymore. I really never get drunk, or at least I don't feel like it. I get the "buzz" and keep going. I'm a large fella at 6'5" and about 315 now but I hate the way I look and feel right now. This is doing me no good at all. I can turn beers into an all day affair and nobody would know that I even had been drinking that much unless they smelled my breath. Shameful really.

Dee74

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)

MJP73

Thanks Dee! Going to work on this tonight. Much appreciated. Just really need to dig in on this.

Kjma

Mikoss--- day 7?!? WAY TO GO!!

mikoss

Thank you so much Kjma.

Just made it to day 8 today. But I am craving a drink so bad.

I feel so sick too which could be from withdrawal symptoms or it could be from a cold. It feels like a cold or flu with similar symptoms.

But yes trying to find other things to occupy my time at home helps to avoid possible relapse.

I am getting back into art like sketching and drawing and oil painting. I find that it relaxes me and calms me and it is very therapeutic. That and playing the piano. Doing what I loved to do before drinking and cocaine took over my free time.

Anything to focus on a different routine other than drinking. I feel that with painting I can get totally lost in it and escape into a different world instead of getting lost and escape in my own world with the bottle.

Dee74

Congrats on 8 days Mikoss

D

mikoss

Thank you so much Dee