Disgusted and Very Very Sick
Seeking wisdom
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 259
Disgusted and Very Very Sick
The 1 millionth time. I am so surprised Im alive albeit very sick....
Got home at 5am (Lyft) and still crying.
Walked all night long in the rain running between my 4 fav bars.
I have concluded I am sick in the head too ! Thank God I have no kids to take care of. Came 1 fraction of taking myself to the hospital.
When is this hell on earth going to end ? F alcohol. Its a liar.
I got 3 books. Naked Mind-Alcohol Explained - The Transcendent Child
Do you think I've read them to help me.
Heck No. Thats how far gone I am.
Have cold wet rags all over my face and neck. Head feels like its going to explode any minute. Ulcer
Give it to me ! It will save my life.
Thank you for reading my SR friends😥🌷🥀😪
Got home at 5am (Lyft) and still crying.
Walked all night long in the rain running between my 4 fav bars.
I have concluded I am sick in the head too ! Thank God I have no kids to take care of. Came 1 fraction of taking myself to the hospital.
When is this hell on earth going to end ? F alcohol. Its a liar.
I got 3 books. Naked Mind-Alcohol Explained - The Transcendent Child
Do you think I've read them to help me.
Heck No. Thats how far gone I am.
Have cold wet rags all over my face and neck. Head feels like its going to explode any minute. Ulcer
Give it to me ! It will save my life.
Thank you for reading my SR friends😥🌷🥀😪
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Location: Florida
Posts: 368
What is your plan to stop this madness? Buying books doesn't seem to be doing the trick. Is inpatient rehab and option? Outpatient detox? What about meetings? I don't think doing it alone works for most people. I'm sure you'll get lots of advice and much of it will be the same. Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,431
Make this last time your last.
Nobody is too far gone for redemption, but there does come a time where you have to do the hard graft of daily good choices and not giving in to your craving no matter what.
When you are there, 100% committed in heart, mind, body recovery can really happen.
I've relapsed many many times, but I never gave up or quit quitting and I worked to learn my weaknesses and improve my sobriety plan each time.
I think finally it has stuck and what a relief.
You can do the same thing. Just start where you are, resolve to never drink again no matter what, and take small daily action steps to make that true, based on a recovery plan the fits your needs.
whitejay, you have so much to offer the world. Don't let alcohol destroy you.
Nobody is too far gone for redemption, but there does come a time where you have to do the hard graft of daily good choices and not giving in to your craving no matter what.
When you are there, 100% committed in heart, mind, body recovery can really happen.
I've relapsed many many times, but I never gave up or quit quitting and I worked to learn my weaknesses and improve my sobriety plan each time.
I think finally it has stuck and what a relief.
You can do the same thing. Just start where you are, resolve to never drink again no matter what, and take small daily action steps to make that true, based on a recovery plan the fits your needs.
whitejay, you have so much to offer the world. Don't let alcohol destroy you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,671
I cannot do this stuff alone, WJ. It took a terrible rock-bottom for me to accept this fact and get help. A doc for general health and depression, psychologist/counsellor- for all the shite in my head. For sobriety- SMART and AA and importantly -SR. So much info here- so many threads to join- share and get support from. I hope you take up the gauntlet of your terrible night and do something proactive to help yourself. You are not alone. My prayers and support to you.
Seeking wisdom
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 259
Its so weird how it happens.
I will be going about living my life (if thats what you want to call it - live on an Island one way in one way out - no friends, no car due to dui, I moved from West Coast to East Coast where its freezing on the water. You guys already heard the whole story - bought my son and DIL a house by me.They dont reallly pay any attention.
Im lonely, but that is how I made my life on purpose. No husband no boyfriend cuz I am selfish to anyone who is not my immediate family. Told you I am F up'd.
I hate cooking, I hate anyone telling me what to do or when to come or go.
I made this bed - and guess who gets to die in it. Yep, depressed ME
YAY for me - sigh aug cry 🐣
I will be going about living my life (if thats what you want to call it - live on an Island one way in one way out - no friends, no car due to dui, I moved from West Coast to East Coast where its freezing on the water. You guys already heard the whole story - bought my son and DIL a house by me.They dont reallly pay any attention.
Im lonely, but that is how I made my life on purpose. No husband no boyfriend cuz I am selfish to anyone who is not my immediate family. Told you I am F up'd.
I hate cooking, I hate anyone telling me what to do or when to come or go.
I made this bed - and guess who gets to die in it. Yep, depressed ME
YAY for me - sigh aug cry 🐣
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by whitejay 
Give it to me ! It will save my life.
I will offer this: There are a lot of ways to use Sober Recovery. Your pattern--posting a thread when on the heels of a terrible drinking episode, then disappearing until the next one--doesn't seem to be working.
Why not try to read and post daily. Commit to not drinking and post here BEFORE drinking, not after you've had a snoot full and are stricken with remorse.
Seeking wisdom
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 259
Originally Posted by cantsleep123
What is your plan to stop this madness? Buying books doesn't seem to be doing the trick. Is inpatient rehab and option? Outpatient detox? What about meetings? I don't think doing it alone works for most people. I'm sure you'll get lots of advice and much of it will be the same. Good luck!
What the hell does that picture paint?
SERIOUS sickness🌻
Seeking wisdom
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 259
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
Give you what? Support? Encouragement? Advice? I think you gotten plenty of all that. Yet...
I will offer this: There are a lot of ways to use Sober Recovery. Your pattern--posting a thread when on the heels of a terrible drinking episode, then disappearing until the next one--doesn't seem to be working.
Why not try to read and post daily. Commit to not drinking and post here BEFORE drinking, not after you've had a snoot full and are stricken with remorse.
I will offer this: There are a lot of ways to use Sober Recovery. Your pattern--posting a thread when on the heels of a terrible drinking episode, then disappearing until the next one--doesn't seem to be working.
Why not try to read and post daily. Commit to not drinking and post here BEFORE drinking, not after you've had a snoot full and are stricken with remorse.
I read news alot, I like technical stuff.
I fix my house up and remodel.
I love politics -
I feel as if I have nothing to contribute cuz I'M so messed up.
and I seriously think my inherited depression (runs deep in my family)
is so bad, that I would have nothing good to say or share.
You really dont know what I've been through in my life. Lets just put it this way - It was on the news. 25 years of hell. Im lucky to be alive.
Thank you 💝
Seeking wisdom
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 259
Originally Posted by Hawkeye13
Make this last time your last.
Nobody is too far gone for redemption, but there does come a time where you have to do the hard graft of daily good choices and not giving in to your craving no matter what.
When you are there, 100% committed in heart, mind, body recovery can really happen.
I've relapsed many many times, but I never gave up or quit quitting and I worked to learn my weaknesses and improve my sobriety plan each time.
I think finally it has stuck and what a relief.
You can do the same thing. Just start where you are, resolve to never drink again no matter what, and take small daily action steps to make that true, based on a recovery plan the fits your needs.
whitejay, you have so much to offer the world. Don't let alcohol destroy you.
Nobody is too far gone for redemption, but there does come a time where you have to do the hard graft of daily good choices and not giving in to your craving no matter what.
When you are there, 100% committed in heart, mind, body recovery can really happen.
I've relapsed many many times, but I never gave up or quit quitting and I worked to learn my weaknesses and improve my sobriety plan each time.
I think finally it has stuck and what a relief.
You can do the same thing. Just start where you are, resolve to never drink again no matter what, and take small daily action steps to make that true, based on a recovery plan the fits your needs.
whitejay, you have so much to offer the world. Don't let alcohol destroy you.
That made me feel so good.✨
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by whitejay
cantsleep - 3 in patients - 6 out patient - 13 therapists, psychiatrist - You get the picture. But a female engineer !!
What the hell does that picture paint?
SERIOUS sickness🌻
What the hell does that picture paint?
SERIOUS sickness🌻
The good news is that it ends when you decide you want it to end - yep, you get to choose. How about making that be today? We're here to help.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Kerry, Ireland
Posts: 2,703
For me personally, I came to the realization (after an Apocalyptic rock bottom) that there is NO good whatsoever coming from my drinking and it had to stop, and for good. It was like the penny simply dropping for me.
I did have to do 2 weeks inpatient treatment, 2-4 group therapy sessions, meetings, counselling, etc every week for the last 9 months to keep me on track though. So basically I had to throw everything and the kitchen sink at this! There's a saying I like "nothing changes if nothing changes". You put in the work and get the rewards, I believe this 100% now. You don't have to come back here for the 1 millionth and one time again! Good luck.
I did have to do 2 weeks inpatient treatment, 2-4 group therapy sessions, meetings, counselling, etc every week for the last 9 months to keep me on track though. So basically I had to throw everything and the kitchen sink at this! There's a saying I like "nothing changes if nothing changes". You put in the work and get the rewards, I believe this 100% now. You don't have to come back here for the 1 millionth and one time again! Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,097
Hey Whitejay
Please know you are not alone - so many of us have had trouble quitting, destroyed friendships, made ourselves silly sick and not living a life that we dreamed of.
I for one lived on an island for six years - a strong drinking social culture made it hard to fit in if not drinking. But even still, there were a number of people who recognised I had a problem and made subtle hints that I should 'cut down' (ha ha). I tried a few times there to quit, but didn't get past day two ever.
Now I have made the decision to quit properly. SR is a great support tool if you use it well. Maybe make a commitment to:
- post on this thread everyday for at least a week;
- read three new threads a day and respond with a message or some likes on the posts that have meaning to you;
- join and post on the class of February 2020 thread at least a couple of times a week.
That might help let you know that you are not alone, there is great support available, and that there is a light at the end offering a better and happier life.
There was also a thread which was bumped recently called "It gets better". Really worth reading and following if you haven't seen it. I found it really inspiring in my early days of quitting (day 13 today).
Hang in there, don't drink and find yourself the support and assistance you need. SR is a great tool for me and easy to access 24/7 from the comfort of home, Make that next drink a nice long glass of water!
Good luck and hope to see you on various threads on SR.
Please know you are not alone - so many of us have had trouble quitting, destroyed friendships, made ourselves silly sick and not living a life that we dreamed of.
I for one lived on an island for six years - a strong drinking social culture made it hard to fit in if not drinking. But even still, there were a number of people who recognised I had a problem and made subtle hints that I should 'cut down' (ha ha). I tried a few times there to quit, but didn't get past day two ever.
Now I have made the decision to quit properly. SR is a great support tool if you use it well. Maybe make a commitment to:
- post on this thread everyday for at least a week;
- read three new threads a day and respond with a message or some likes on the posts that have meaning to you;
- join and post on the class of February 2020 thread at least a couple of times a week.
That might help let you know that you are not alone, there is great support available, and that there is a light at the end offering a better and happier life.
There was also a thread which was bumped recently called "It gets better". Really worth reading and following if you haven't seen it. I found it really inspiring in my early days of quitting (day 13 today).
Hang in there, don't drink and find yourself the support and assistance you need. SR is a great tool for me and easy to access 24/7 from the comfort of home, Make that next drink a nice long glass of water!
Good luck and hope to see you on various threads on SR.
Seeking wisdom
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 259
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
It is serious - but it is indeed the same sickness we all have.
The good news is that it ends when you decide you want it to end - yep, you get to choose. How about making that be today? We're here to help.
The good news is that it ends when you decide you want it to end - yep, you get to choose. How about making that be today? We're here to help.
But I seriously doubt that every alcoholic has severe, medication resistant depression that is inherited.
Sister lives in Psych hospital.
So when I drink, just add all that alcohol depression on top of my own hell.
I ask God to kill me daily. 😥
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: NE Wisconsin USA
Posts: 6,223
You are worthy to be sober. You deserve to recover. Put down the drink...seek medical help if needed...call AA and arrange to have two recovering alcoholics to meet with you. Chin up. You can do this.
Seeking wisdom
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 259
[QUOTE=Reid82;7381027]For me personally, I came to the realization (after an Apocalyptic rock bottom) that there is NO good whatsoever coming from my drinking and it had to stop, and for good. It was like the penny simply dropping for me.
IThere's a saying I like "nothing changes if nothing changes". You put in the work and get the rewards.
I so agree about nothing changes without the work.
Im currently doing shock therapy.
I hope and pray it works.
Thanks 🎁
IThere's a saying I like "nothing changes if nothing changes". You put in the work and get the rewards.
I so agree about nothing changes without the work.
Im currently doing shock therapy.
I hope and pray it works.
Thanks 🎁
Seeking wisdom
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 259
Originally Posted by wiscsober
You are worthy to be sober. You deserve to recover. Put down the drink...seek medical help if needed...call AA and arrange to have two recovering alcoholics to meet with you. Chin up. You can do this.
Thanks ⭐
Seeking wisdom
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 259
Originally Posted by Coz
Hey Whitejay
I for one lived on an island for six years - a strong drinking social culture
Good luck and hope to see you on various threads on SR.
I for one lived on an island for six years - a strong drinking social culture
Good luck and hope to see you on various threads on SR.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 2,547
I was 100% sure that drinking was the ONLY thing that was helping me, even with all of the negative consequences I really felt that I "needed" it. In truth, it was the greatest source of my anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, stress, and problems - PERIOD.
You need to decide you are done. Join the February class and post yourself silly. We are 100% here to help you - feel free to PM me anytime. I do get it.
You need to decide you are done. Join the February class and post yourself silly. We are 100% here to help you - feel free to PM me anytime. I do get it.
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