Feeling all done today. An update.
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Feeling all done today. An update.
<div style="text-align:left;">Last I updated I said he’d stopped drinking for a few months but insisting he wanted one more try. He started “trying” again the day got home from the hospital with our brand new baby girl, 8 weeks ago. He drank every day since then, 1-2 drinks. We went to a counselor (who himself is in recovery) together and he said he saw several hallmarks of alcoholism in my husband but he encouraged me to let him have his one more try knowing the consequences (that I’d just be done). I was hesitant but went along. Things seemed fine for weeks, he showed me that he could moderate and I tried fo have a good attitude about it. We went on our first date night and split a bottle of wine and came home with a third of the bottle of wine left. I felt like he was showing me was that he either is in fact an alcoholic who can watery, or that he just did not give a crap about all of my pleas the past many years did not drink so much and not caused me so much stress and he was simply just being selfish. He has insisted it is the latter. Not sure if that is any better.<br /><br />Fast forward to this week. I took my kiddos to my parents house for Thanksgiving early, I checked in on our cameras at home and saw him pull into our garage, open his tailgate and saw something like six cases of beer…… Reminding you guys that he has a breathalyzer in his car, he is not drinking and driving.<br /><br />So I saw that, not sure what to make of it because I do not know how much is left until I get home.<br /><br />Then he flies in to meet me yesterday. He said he had a bloody Mary on the plane, probably a double. Then we go and meet my family for dinner and he drinks for 24 ounce beers over the two hour meal with my family. I was pissed.<br />And now he is telling me this morning that I have no reason to be mad, because he was “acting fine “which he was. But at the same time, that seems like an unreasonable amount to drink at a family dinner… And now it has me second-guessing myself on what he has been drinking all along since he did not seem drunk after those beers.<br /><br />Oops, I hit submit quickly because my son walked in here. All of this to say, I am feeling all done with arguing with him, before I have just wanted to talk things out and now I just feel like I’m spinning my wheels with him. When we get back home on Sunday we will talk about him moving out or some solution along those lines, this is not healthy or normal. Certainly marriage is supposed to feel genuinely happy sometimes and not full of questioning and utter lack of trust.<br />I finally told my third very good girlfriend about it yesterday at breakfast, my other friends I had told in person months ago but I had not had a good opportunity to tell this friend in person yet and it feels good to be able to talk about it with her.<br /><br />Also, it is Thanksgiving today. And his birthday today. I feel nothing, I have no desire to hang out with him at all.</div>
Last edited by FWN; 11-28-2019 at 08:57 AM. Reason: Accident
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
There's a lot to learn about this disease of alcoholism. One day at a time.
Moderation isn't possible; only a short-term illusion of it. Alcoholism is cunning, baffling, conniving and thrives in secrecy. Congratulations on stepping out of the denial and into your own recovery!
Also huge congratulations on your role as a mother, the new baby in your life and in gaining awareness of her needs as well as yours. Or maybe it's a bit of your needs as well as hers?
Often one can help propel the other.I'm sorry for what brings you here. I'm glad you found this place and that you keep posting!! SR, Al-Anon and Celebrate Recovery are great places for recovering from the effects of alcoholism in our lives. It often goes much deeper than we first realize.
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
fortworthnative,
I just bumped up another thread:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...relapsing.html (Husband relapsing.)
You're in a lot of good company of people who've also been through this and have found ways to survive and then thrive. Recognition of what we're dealing with is absolutely important.
From your first post here:
So here I am 10 years later after many fights and frustrations. I've recently had this ah-ha moment when I started reading about gas lighting. My husband is not a narcissist, but I do think he uses gas lighting on me simply to keep up the habit. And it has worked. He will lie to my face saying he hasn't had a single thing to drink when he CLEARLY has. He will have conversations with me drunk and then the next morning sober have the exact conversation and make me feel crazy for questioning his level of drunkeness the night before. Thankfully he's not abusive to me or the kids, he just drinks too much too often. The only punishment he's ever gotten from me is a stern talking to the morning after, which my therapist has pointed out to me many times. No real consequences, he gets to do what he wants.
Emotional/psychological abuse is abuse and every bit as damaging. (((hugs)))
Something I posted about that subject:
"What happened to me wasn't normal. It was traumatic. This deserves time and space for healing."
Be kind to yourself and take good care of you and your children. Good luck!!
I just bumped up another thread:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...relapsing.html (Husband relapsing.)
You're in a lot of good company of people who've also been through this and have found ways to survive and then thrive. Recognition of what we're dealing with is absolutely important.
From your first post here:
So here I am 10 years later after many fights and frustrations. I've recently had this ah-ha moment when I started reading about gas lighting. My husband is not a narcissist, but I do think he uses gas lighting on me simply to keep up the habit. And it has worked. He will lie to my face saying he hasn't had a single thing to drink when he CLEARLY has. He will have conversations with me drunk and then the next morning sober have the exact conversation and make me feel crazy for questioning his level of drunkeness the night before. Thankfully he's not abusive to me or the kids, he just drinks too much too often. The only punishment he's ever gotten from me is a stern talking to the morning after, which my therapist has pointed out to me many times. No real consequences, he gets to do what he wants.
Emotional/psychological abuse is abuse and every bit as damaging. (((hugs)))
Something I posted about that subject:
"What happened to me wasn't normal. It was traumatic. This deserves time and space for healing."
Be kind to yourself and take good care of you and your children. Good luck!!
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Join Date: Nov 2016
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hi FWN, glad to hear from you!
I'm sorry it's not happier news for you though.
There is someone here who says - you saw what you saw and know what you know (sorry, can't remember who that is).
That certainly applies here. Throughout your post I see you bending over backwards, giving the benefit of the doubt. But, as you already know, it's actions not words. Now the actions are right in front of you and there can be no more excuses.
If he can have a drink and then go on to lunch and drink almost 3 liters of beer and be unaffected - that is truly an action that can't be ignored.
Who buys 6 cases of beer at a a time? An alcoholic.
His actions would indicate he is an alcoholic who has no intention of quitting. The counselor has told you as much. Again you know what you know.
It is decision time.
You're right, it's not. It is also not an "either".
I know this is horrible and I'm sorry. Sounds like you are already somewhat emotionally detached. I doubt anything I say will make it easier but I will say this, above all look after yourself through this. I'm so glad you were able to talk to your other friend as well.
I'm sorry it's not happier news for you though.
There is someone here who says - you saw what you saw and know what you know (sorry, can't remember who that is).
That certainly applies here. Throughout your post I see you bending over backwards, giving the benefit of the doubt. But, as you already know, it's actions not words. Now the actions are right in front of you and there can be no more excuses.
If he can have a drink and then go on to lunch and drink almost 3 liters of beer and be unaffected - that is truly an action that can't be ignored.
Who buys 6 cases of beer at a a time? An alcoholic.
His actions would indicate he is an alcoholic who has no intention of quitting. The counselor has told you as much. Again you know what you know.
It is decision time.
or that he just did not give a crap about all of my pleas the past many years did not drink so much and not caused me so much stress and he was simply just being selfish. He has insisted it is the latter. Not sure if that is any better.
I know this is horrible and I'm sorry. Sounds like you are already somewhat emotionally detached. I doubt anything I say will make it easier but I will say this, above all look after yourself through this. I'm so glad you were able to talk to your other friend as well.
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I am sorry you are going through this again FWN. I know how sad, and defeating it all feels. Unfortunately, in my experience with AXH this was a sick cycle that just kept on giving. I can't tell you how many times I though THIS time it will be better, THIS time he will maintain his grip, THIS time he meant it when he said he'd never lie to me again... of course it always ramped up again and he always lied (about all facets of his alcohol consumption) and let me down yet again. It went on for many years. It nearly destroyed me.
We've talked about trust before. I will say it again, I don't know how anyone manages to stay in a meaningful relationship (of any kind), when you can't trust the other person. Some people seem to pull it off. I couldn't. I wanted my marriage to mean more than that. Marriage, to me, should be an equal partnership, not one person doing whatever the heck they want to scratch their own itches while the other person goes crazy trying to hold all the crap together all by themselves. I got very sick with an anxiety disorder trying to walk that line.
I know you are not shocked by your husband's behavior. However, I know that doesn't make it any less disappointing or upsetting. I'd wager if you confronted him about what you saw, he would have some good excuses for why he NEEDED to buy so much beer... And then he would be mad you were "spying" on HIM... don't YOU trust HIM??? He's a changed man dontchaknow !!! ... and then "YOUR" lack of trust and "spying on him" would be the "reason" why HE disappeared and got blotto. ( I know you know nothing you say or do, in any way effects whether or not he drinks)
I remember when I stopped wanting to spend time with my AXH. For the first 15 years I was waiting at the window like a giddy school girl when he would pull in the driveway after work. By the time we split up, I couldn't wait for him to leave for days or weeks on end for work. I was happy when he went away on hunting trips with the guys. I even started taking vacations by myself towards the end if he was going to be home more than a few days. I think when a relationship gets to the point you don't want to be anywhere near that person, it's time to reevaluate. I know that's what you are doing. I just wanted you to know I understand and support that.
I'm glad you came back to update us and to vent. I hope you continue to hang out with us.
We've talked about trust before. I will say it again, I don't know how anyone manages to stay in a meaningful relationship (of any kind), when you can't trust the other person. Some people seem to pull it off. I couldn't. I wanted my marriage to mean more than that. Marriage, to me, should be an equal partnership, not one person doing whatever the heck they want to scratch their own itches while the other person goes crazy trying to hold all the crap together all by themselves. I got very sick with an anxiety disorder trying to walk that line.
I know you are not shocked by your husband's behavior. However, I know that doesn't make it any less disappointing or upsetting. I'd wager if you confronted him about what you saw, he would have some good excuses for why he NEEDED to buy so much beer... And then he would be mad you were "spying" on HIM... don't YOU trust HIM??? He's a changed man dontchaknow !!! ... and then "YOUR" lack of trust and "spying on him" would be the "reason" why HE disappeared and got blotto. ( I know you know nothing you say or do, in any way effects whether or not he drinks)
I remember when I stopped wanting to spend time with my AXH. For the first 15 years I was waiting at the window like a giddy school girl when he would pull in the driveway after work. By the time we split up, I couldn't wait for him to leave for days or weeks on end for work. I was happy when he went away on hunting trips with the guys. I even started taking vacations by myself towards the end if he was going to be home more than a few days. I think when a relationship gets to the point you don't want to be anywhere near that person, it's time to reevaluate. I know that's what you are doing. I just wanted you to know I understand and support that.
I'm glad you came back to update us and to vent. I hope you continue to hang out with us.
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I do not know why I struggle so much with what is real. I know you guys have said before to look at the actions, not the words. The actions are what is real.
He keeps saying I shouldn’t be mad because he was acting fine, and while that is true what does it say if you are acting fine after you had the equivalent of eight beers in 2 hours? Then he says what it says to him is that he needs to lose weight (true statement) and that he ate a ton of food (truth) so he wasn’t affected. And that he hasn’t had DosXX in so long and he really liked the way it tasted so he kept getting more.
You are so right. I do deserve to be in a meaningful and trusting partnership. I don’t trust him at all. I’m always wondering in the evenings what he has/hadn’t drank. Ughhhhhh this is so hard. I get why people choose to have their head in the sand.
But I have 3 kids and I need to be able to trust my spouse!!!!!
He keeps saying I shouldn’t be mad because he was acting fine, and while that is true what does it say if you are acting fine after you had the equivalent of eight beers in 2 hours? Then he says what it says to him is that he needs to lose weight (true statement) and that he ate a ton of food (truth) so he wasn’t affected. And that he hasn’t had DosXX in so long and he really liked the way it tasted so he kept getting more.
You are so right. I do deserve to be in a meaningful and trusting partnership. I don’t trust him at all. I’m always wondering in the evenings what he has/hadn’t drank. Ughhhhhh this is so hard. I get why people choose to have their head in the sand.
But I have 3 kids and I need to be able to trust my spouse!!!!!
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his sole motivation, to the exclusion of you and his children, is....to keep drinking. re-read his statement - at any point in there did he even mention at NOT drinking? nope. gotta lose weight. and he ate too much. oh and he really likes the taste of a certain beer, which is why he got MORE.
that's deflection and denial. and protecting his "precious".
buying six cases to have ON HAND is not normal. it's not like you can't buy beer just about ANYWHERE, so there is no reason to purchase and keep that much nearby - unless you are planning to drink A LOT and protecting your stash.
so he has shown you HIS priorities.
now look at your own.
do they align..............at any point?
that's deflection and denial. and protecting his "precious".
buying six cases to have ON HAND is not normal. it's not like you can't buy beer just about ANYWHERE, so there is no reason to purchase and keep that much nearby - unless you are planning to drink A LOT and protecting your stash.
so he has shown you HIS priorities.
now look at your own.
do they align..............at any point?
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You do need to be able to trust your spouse. I really think that's it. Even if you didn't have any children, why do you not deserve a great relationship?
What he actually stated (above) is true. While he doesn't actually have any say in how you should or shouldn't "feel", the rest is true.
Thing is, that IS his truth. I don't think he's making that up, heck I don't even think he is deflecting (well not on purpose). Sure he could be, I don't know him so I certainly can't say, but it seems like reasonable thinking to me IF you are an alcoholic.
Why wouldn't you?? In "normal" circumstances, drinking 3 liters of beer at lunch is not normal! It's astounding to even watch, I'm sure. Your rational, logical mind knows this to be a fact. On the other hand, your spouse is sitting there, seeming rather rational, telling you how he sees it.
How confusing is all that?
Can alcoholic reasoning and reality be part of your thought process. Do you want to accept it as such?
What he actually stated (above) is true. While he doesn't actually have any say in how you should or shouldn't "feel", the rest is true.
Thing is, that IS his truth. I don't think he's making that up, heck I don't even think he is deflecting (well not on purpose). Sure he could be, I don't know him so I certainly can't say, but it seems like reasonable thinking to me IF you are an alcoholic.
I do not know why I struggle so much with what is real
How confusing is all that?
Can alcoholic reasoning and reality be part of your thought process. Do you want to accept it as such?
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fortworth…..he has been struggling with the idea of controlled drinking, with your "permission" for a long time, now….
It looks like he is beginning to spiral....when an alcoholic begin that downward spiral …..losing more and more control.....it can be astonishingly fast!
Right now, reality is staring you in the face....but, reality could have you slammed against the wall, within the next few weeks/months.....
It would be to your own advantage to begin making plans for your future.....
It looks like he is beginning to spiral....when an alcoholic begin that downward spiral …..losing more and more control.....it can be astonishingly fast!
Right now, reality is staring you in the face....but, reality could have you slammed against the wall, within the next few weeks/months.....
It would be to your own advantage to begin making plans for your future.....
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I have been feeling a lot different towards him since the dinner Wednesday night when he drank almost 100 ounces of beer and did not appear drunk to me. It has made me question everything over the past several months, I clearly have no idea much he drinks one before I thought I did. We have barely spoken since then, I feel completely disconnected from him and guarded.
We are on our way back home, A several hour drive from my parents house where we were staying. I told him about 30 minutes into the car ride that his drinking makes me feel insecure, I cannot try and make it work anymore and that he either needs to decide to stop drinking and get help or make plans to move out over Christmas break. Or if he will not move out, my parents house has plenty of space and we can simply move in there for a while. But I said it would be better obviously if we could stay at our house for the kids sake and so he could see them more.
It has been two hours since I said that to him and he has not said a word to me.
Currently I am feeling fine with whatever the outcome is, I feel so far apart from him right now. Our marriage simply cannot work if I do not trust him. I deserve to be happy.
We are on our way back home, A several hour drive from my parents house where we were staying. I told him about 30 minutes into the car ride that his drinking makes me feel insecure, I cannot try and make it work anymore and that he either needs to decide to stop drinking and get help or make plans to move out over Christmas break. Or if he will not move out, my parents house has plenty of space and we can simply move in there for a while. But I said it would be better obviously if we could stay at our house for the kids sake and so he could see them more.
It has been two hours since I said that to him and he has not said a word to me.
Currently I am feeling fine with whatever the outcome is, I feel so far apart from him right now. Our marriage simply cannot work if I do not trust him. I deserve to be happy.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
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You do deserve to be happy.
That must be one heck of a long car ride.
I'm sorry it's come to this but you know, with active addiction it is kind of inevitable.
If the sober partner doesn't leave, the alcoholic partner eventually will or become so miserable it will be all but impossible for the sober partner to stay.
There is no good resolution to that scenario. The problem is too big.
It's this:
vs this:
"Such natural and only too well justified skepticism about promises of reform on the part of those familiar with the addict does not necessarily include the addict himself, who may fervently and sincerely exclaim "I know I’ve said this before – and I know that you don’t believe me and that you are entitled not to believe me. I wouldn’t believe me either if I were in your shoes. But this time I really mean it. I swear it will be for real. Wait and see if I’m not telling the truth!"
But in spite of this and other equally inspired proclamations of intent to reform, in the vast majority of cases of definite and well-established addiction, nothing whatever changes – at least not for long. Or if there is change, it is change for the worse: the addict’s outrageous addictive behavior sometimes seems almost to feed upon and draw nourishment from his passionate promises that "it will never happen again." This phenomenon leaves those who have to deal with the addict in a confused, discouraged, angry and usually depressed state". The Addict's Dilemma
That must be one heck of a long car ride.
I'm sorry it's come to this but you know, with active addiction it is kind of inevitable.
If the sober partner doesn't leave, the alcoholic partner eventually will or become so miserable it will be all but impossible for the sober partner to stay.
There is no good resolution to that scenario. The problem is too big.
It's this:
Originally Posted by fortworthnative 
He's at least admitted to having an alcohol dependency a couple of times now. Maybe he really does want help, but of course with the caveat that he wants to still be able to drink further in the future once he learns to control it.
"Such natural and only too well justified skepticism about promises of reform on the part of those familiar with the addict does not necessarily include the addict himself, who may fervently and sincerely exclaim "I know I’ve said this before – and I know that you don’t believe me and that you are entitled not to believe me. I wouldn’t believe me either if I were in your shoes. But this time I really mean it. I swear it will be for real. Wait and see if I’m not telling the truth!"
But in spite of this and other equally inspired proclamations of intent to reform, in the vast majority of cases of definite and well-established addiction, nothing whatever changes – at least not for long. Or if there is change, it is change for the worse: the addict’s outrageous addictive behavior sometimes seems almost to feed upon and draw nourishment from his passionate promises that "it will never happen again." This phenomenon leaves those who have to deal with the addict in a confused, discouraged, angry and usually depressed state". The Addict's Dilemma
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fortworthnative…….I think it is was a good move for you to lay your cards on the table.
Remember, that he is not drinking AT you...nor, is he deliberately trying to hurt you or destroy the marriage (though he is)…..
He is being controlled by the powerful force of addiction. A war, inside his own head 24/7. He is doing what most alcoholics do, for a long time....chasing their "dream" of Controlled Drinking. Unable to yet grasp the concept that they can never drink, again. That idea seems to him like the idea of growing gills and living under water would seem to you.
You can never convince him of what he needs to know.....
He is going to have to learn by h is own experience.....
It would be merciful, for you, if you jut put down the rope...and, stop trying to lead him to sobriety/recovery....
Take that burden off your back.....relieve yourself of the responsibility of that which you can't do, anyway....
Proceed ahead with your own plans of living the best life you can and be the best parent that you can....
Get the best professional to help you that y ou can find.....good therapist...good lawyer....alanon….good friends....parents, etc...…
Maybe he can co-parent to the best of his ability.....but, keep expectations realistic...as he is still consumed by the alcoholism.....
right now...I imagine that he is very scared....because facing his own alcoholism will be very, very hard...if he ever does...
He may channel his fear into anger and criticism of you...which is what frequently happens. I don't know him, of course...But don't be surprised.....
Practice your detachment skills very vigorously, is my advice to you.....
Remember, that he is not drinking AT you...nor, is he deliberately trying to hurt you or destroy the marriage (though he is)…..
He is being controlled by the powerful force of addiction. A war, inside his own head 24/7. He is doing what most alcoholics do, for a long time....chasing their "dream" of Controlled Drinking. Unable to yet grasp the concept that they can never drink, again. That idea seems to him like the idea of growing gills and living under water would seem to you.
You can never convince him of what he needs to know.....
He is going to have to learn by h is own experience.....
It would be merciful, for you, if you jut put down the rope...and, stop trying to lead him to sobriety/recovery....
Take that burden off your back.....relieve yourself of the responsibility of that which you can't do, anyway....
Proceed ahead with your own plans of living the best life you can and be the best parent that you can....
Get the best professional to help you that y ou can find.....good therapist...good lawyer....alanon….good friends....parents, etc...…
Maybe he can co-parent to the best of his ability.....but, keep expectations realistic...as he is still consumed by the alcoholism.....
right now...I imagine that he is very scared....because facing his own alcoholism will be very, very hard...if he ever does...
He may channel his fear into anger and criticism of you...which is what frequently happens. I don't know him, of course...But don't be surprised.....
Practice your detachment skills very vigorously, is my advice to you.....
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I am sorry you are finding yourself in this position. It’s pretty shocking when you finally realize how much they can consume and still look like they are “acting normal.” when I started breathalyzing my ex before his visitation time and he would blow astronomical number as well still standing, it was a real eye-opener. Normal people would’ve been passed out or in the hospital at .28 and he was walking around and talking like it was no big deal.
I know it is maddening to hear over and over again their insistence on learning to moderate. and I know you want to hold your family together. Sad But the reality is, it’s nearly impossible, and you are just living in his universe of crazy in the meantime. I knew it was super hard to you follow through with separating households, but I really think you will breathe a soul deep sigh of relief when this maelstrom of BS and alcohol is no longer your home.
I know it is maddening to hear over and over again their insistence on learning to moderate. and I know you want to hold your family together. Sad But the reality is, it’s nearly impossible, and you are just living in his universe of crazy in the meantime. I knew it was super hard to you follow through with separating households, but I really think you will breathe a soul deep sigh of relief when this maelstrom of BS and alcohol is no longer your home.
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fortworthnative….it is really not too surprising that he could drink so much and still not appear drunk.....because, he has, obviously, increased his tolerance, greatly. He has probably been drinking more than you even think. If a person's liver is still functioning well....they can elevate their various liver enzymes to a level that they can "tolerate" a great deal of booze.
They will, eventually, over time, NOT have a good tolerance....because, when/if the live begins to give out....they will actually have a very low tolerance. At that point, a small amount of alcohol will get them really snockered.....
The amount of time that this takes, varies a great deal between individuals.....
They will, eventually, over time, NOT have a good tolerance....because, when/if the live begins to give out....they will actually have a very low tolerance. At that point, a small amount of alcohol will get them really snockered.....
The amount of time that this takes, varies a great deal between individuals.....
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More things that aren’t normal (right)??
1. He took my older kids into the restaurant we were going to have lunch in while I hung back and nursed my newborn and he texted me asking if I wanted him to order me a blue moon (because he knows I like this) and I said I just wanted an iced tea. Then he said he was joking.
2. My 7 year old had his first sleep other with his cousins last night and we were asking him what he did and he was being shy and I said “you can tell us if you ate candy and drank coke until midnight, we’d be totally fine with that we just want to know about the fun you had” and the my husband said “yea did you have a few beers?? You can tell us”
WEIRD. What a WEIRD thing to say. Even as a jokester which my husband is that’s so strange to me.
Now we are back in the car and he’s wanting to talk to me and says he “hasn’t had time to process what I said earlier” and all I said was that it speaks volumes that he even has anything to process.
And he’s trying to act like I never said that to him and is trying to be normal with me.
Such a mind f*ck (excuse my language).
1. He took my older kids into the restaurant we were going to have lunch in while I hung back and nursed my newborn and he texted me asking if I wanted him to order me a blue moon (because he knows I like this) and I said I just wanted an iced tea. Then he said he was joking.
2. My 7 year old had his first sleep other with his cousins last night and we were asking him what he did and he was being shy and I said “you can tell us if you ate candy and drank coke until midnight, we’d be totally fine with that we just want to know about the fun you had” and the my husband said “yea did you have a few beers?? You can tell us”
WEIRD. What a WEIRD thing to say. Even as a jokester which my husband is that’s so strange to me.
Now we are back in the car and he’s wanting to talk to me and says he “hasn’t had time to process what I said earlier” and all I said was that it speaks volumes that he even has anything to process.
And he’s trying to act like I never said that to him and is trying to be normal with me.
Such a mind f*ck (excuse my language).
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fortworthnative…….he is behaving like a typical alcoholic.....
You are expecting normal, typical, logical behavior and reactions....
Alcohol has an effect on the brain.....both in the immediate, and the long term.....
You are expecting normal, typical, logical behavior and reactions....
Alcohol has an effect on the brain.....both in the immediate, and the long term.....
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Posts: 356
Originally Posted by fortworthnative
More things that aren’t normal (right)??
Now we are back in the car and he’s wanting to talk to me and says he “hasn’t had time to process what I said earlier” and all I said was that it speaks volumes that he even has anything to process.
And he’s trying to act like I never said that to him and is trying to be normal with me.
Such a mind f*ck (excuse my language).
Now we are back in the car and he’s wanting to talk to me and says he “hasn’t had time to process what I said earlier” and all I said was that it speaks volumes that he even has anything to process.
And he’s trying to act like I never said that to him and is trying to be normal with me.
Such a mind f*ck (excuse my language).
Your AH doesn’t sound like he is at all anywhere near the point that he wants to quit unfortunately. So good for you for setting boundaries and sticking to them as hard as that will be. In the long run it will be healthier for you and the kids. I never realized until the end how much I covered for him, making up excuses why he could not go anywhere or why he wa always tired. Not letting him alone with my kid because I didn’t trust him but coming up with reasons other than his drinking why that was. He got sober when my kid was 6 and he is still sober now 3 years later. I think her exposure to it was limited luckily but had he continued drinking as she got older it would have definitely affected her a lot more. If he decides to get serious about quitting you can always reevaluate after he’s been clean for a year if you chose too. Unfortunately he doesn’t sound like he is ready for that.
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